Chapter 3.2 "Resurfaced Memories"

The nighttime was renamed eternity. Ren's eyes had long turned red. Not even a blink, imagine an ounce of sleep he could have possibly had. He only wondered the whole night, contemplating and thinking over all again. Or dismissing doubts only to bring them back for a third or fourth round of self-debunking. Sometimes making points and counterarguments for his sake or not

Of all, he was trying to decide for himself the resolution of this. His body, his mind, his memories, and as such, his ultimatum.

But oh how miserably he was failing. Dream or reality? Illusion or truth? Innocent or guilty? He had no idea and the further he pried into his mind, the more he found it had been scattered into a one-million-piece puzzle.

He made sure not to trust his father's words much. As always. The faint feeling of cutting someone's life away was there—he still felt it linger on his fingerprints. And he would get disturbed just by glancing at the now-ingrained pattern in his thumb. Of a killer. Sometimes he would covertly gaze at the blade they had left on his bedside, now painted an ugly, cold crimson. That same color haunted away his mind's sanity and kicked away any urge of his to sleep.

What am I to do now? Ren thought, eyes exhausted. He sat on the bed hugging his knees with his head resting on them. If I really did it... then what right do I have to live on? I killed people... innocent people whose lives are once. Never again will they feel anything. The joy of having the company of their family. The surprise of a gift. The excitement after having their love requited. Even sadness. I robbed them of it... this privilege.

Tears had dried on his face. He had barely sobered up from these emotions by now; sometimes contempt or sorrow found their way in. But even he had to get tired of those at some point.

"Why must I feel like I am not me?"—a passing outcry of his he would forget, or so he hoped.

Ren upped his head and it began tilting, drowsiness finding a path finally. His sparkling eyes turned dimmed as if he had become lethargic about all, even his thoughts. Not a spark of creativity would come inside now. Not a helm to steer him toward the light of notion. No brainstorming to delete the drought of sanity his mind was in.

He breathed heavily, holding off a yawn.

The candles lighting the room flickered when winds traveled inside, the fire snapping with its flow. The morning winds had come on fresh as Ren opened the window behind him. He sat with his back on the headboard and a knee up, his arm above it so he could position his head there anytime. Now he could only wait as his body did its process, firstly blinking slower.

And by the rhythm of the wind, his hair turned its prey as it floated with it cluelessly. Maybe through unfeeling or not caring. Maybe he thought this wind to be Mother Nature herself fondly patting his head. Or maybe this was simply a reflection of the peace the morning—this one especially—brought. And through this calmness, he and his body felt secure enough they relaxed out his control. Out of his worries.

Barely managing to keep open, his pink eyes turned caliginous. Didn't even look like pink was their usual color anymore. Maybe it was the weird lighting composed of those candles and pretty sky. But still, he thought now, lips curving slightly. He really wanted to look behind him, through the window. The sky when the morning would break in this season's period always looked beautiful. And especially right now, he felt.

He imagined, smiling, some iridescent lights begotten by the sun escaping through the dense clouds like a huge blossom would when burgeoning for its first breath outside. Instead the sun would be the blossom.

I really want to see it... Ren thought, eyelids downing the same way his head did as he rested it on his arm. And finally, he was toward a land where he could dream truly.

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But the door cracked open, the noise racking at Ren's ears and making him jump.

"... Good morning, Young Master..." Aki was the one to enter. "I heard you were unwell, so I baked some cookies for you."

Ren wiped the drool off his mouth, eyes blinking slowly and one half-open still. "U-uh, uh... uuh?"

"Oh!" Aki's eyes widened as she realized his state. "D-Dear me, forgive me for the abrupt intrusion!!" She began to go toward the door again to leave.

"N-No, it's fine..." Ren rubbed his face to shake the sleep off. Quite ironic for someone who had been yearning for it moments prior. "Please do stay." He looked at the fidgety maid, eyes squinting still.

Was she worried about me? He noticed her, blinking a hard one as his eyes resumed to normal activity. And he was now observant. A bit of a curse how he could notice with his good vision her nails were bitten while she held the plate with cookies. If not worry, then why would she be biting her nails otherwise? I don't remember an instance where I saw her nails bitten like this before... and it's not recommended really... he thought frowning, en route to overthinking.

He knew her to be quite the emotionless person with her tall frame, almost matching his. So he found himself observing her... quite frequently. For no reason really, other than him always thinking she was like a cool beauty and so and so. But now she was more of... if he were to put it into words, shyly cute in a sense?

Ren blushed and cursed himself for thinking this now. This was all very unusual from her though. Even the cookies too... Really, he was astonished by all this. The drowsiness made this surprise thrice what it was supposed to be. So much so that he unknowingly opened his mouth and, "Aki... thank—" her name came out suddenly.

Words flashed by his mind in the same instant, words told to him by his mother. "Only call a girl by her name if you're interested in her in that way..." He remembered his mother waggling her brows suggestively at the part, and then she continued, "...or when you are close to her already."

Immediately, Ren realized his blunder and turned flustered. "A-Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to call you by your name... I meant to say... wait, what is your surname again?" He tried correcting himself but he only seemed like a fool while at it.

Seeing his cheeks turn red caused Aki to relax and her terse lips broke into a smile. She held a chuckle and spoke, "It's alright, Young Master. You can call me that. And please, take these." She approached him with elegant steps, placing the tablet with cookies on his bedside—a cup of water was beside the plate.

She had thought it all over indeed—even the fact he probably hadn't drunk anything since the happening back.

Or, it was not a matter of whether she knew or not. Simply the consideration of the act caused Ren a flutter of whatever was the feeling tugging on his heart's strings.

"It came again."

Ren's ruminative globes were sitting on her figure. Wide and amazed by her they were and shone in a spectacle of pink, reflective like jewels. They resembled the skies' strip of roseate shades as Aki saw behind him.

This explosion of emotions was something she was well used to, yet she could say nothing about it. Why must you forget it every time... She pursed her lips, brows furrowed.

Suddenly, Aki gasped as she realized what she was doing. Back to herself, she flushed when Ren unknowingly held his gaze for so long on her. "N-N-Now that I have given you everything I wanted..." She turned to leave with small but rapid steps.

Ren stared as she walked away and had to hold a laugh when she tripped midway. A cookie she had taken away secretly fell off someplace too.

"Ouch..." Aki grunted. Her long skirt of a maid had been her doom, and she looked back at Ren, face even more flushed now. She took the cookie quickly, got up, and zapped through the door—not before quickly bowing toward him, however.

Ren waited a bit. And he finally chuckled when the door slammed.

She looked like a bunny just now, shy and cute, he thought, eyes dazed and locked on the door. He blushed when he realized what he called her. Again.

"Once may be an accident, but twice is not a coincidence." His mother's words. Again.

"Aghhh!" He blushed. "What is this?!" He groaned and frantically darted his gaze to both sides looking for the plate with cookies. He then picked one to drown his embarrassment. He devoured the sweet as if he were a starved beast and the dough melted in his mouth, chocolate droplets posing on his tongue. These were flavors his stomach had been screaming for since morning came, and he hadn't realized how hungry he was before now.

"So good," he muttered, and found himself picking another cookie—and many others—as he calmed down. It was a warm feeling, to be given something like this. Carefully made for you and you only.

Well, maybe one for her too. He laughed.

"Delicious..." he said again, smiling foolishly. Couldn't help it.

Isn't she like a year older than me? he thought, head tilting again. This time it was not from sleep but from his curiosity.

Her smell had been intoxicatingly kind, fluttering in the room still how her presence had felt like a storm. And it was strangely of coffee

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Three days passed, and word that an assassination attempt was aimed at the to-be heir to the Ashikagas flourished in the streets. The fearing their reputation and stardom was overrun by the curiosity of the people. Whispering happened in every corner and tavern. It ran wild, and the whole country knew of it in the span of a night to day.

But like a fire that spreads like gossip, the rumors burned out just as quickly. Those who swore they saw it happen had no testimony or proof, only their baseless claims, so the public quickly dismissed them as liars. No one is crazy enough to attack the Ashikaga Library—the citizens' mutual thought.

The clan and family did their best not to let visual clues spread, closing off the library and its surroundings with the excuse there was too huge an influx of people after the rumors. So no confirmation existed but word from liars—it was an important factor the ones saying these things were deemed as so.

But when all was said and done, Sakamoto said to let the people speak as they wished to. Them doing much to muffle these rumors would cause more doubt and chaos if anything.

The death of the children involved was omitted from the public and instead was passed on to the parents or the accountable person only, who could do nothing but grieve with their own selves. No compensation could help with that, and Sakamoto knew it, but he still helped them with monetary aid. Providing them with the specifics of what happened was an easy matter. Of course with some manipulating the stories just slightly. So no one would run around lying about what happened country-wide.

Meanwhile, Ren himself remained bedridden. So he could do nothing but study with his mother for the ceremony these few days left. She always came to visit him—no days off—and they would have long study sessions together.

At least it would ease his boredom... oh but a foolish thought. From the first day, he was made to swallow this dumb a notion he once had. It had been so long since his mother gave him classes he forgot how much of a maniac she was about anything studying.

With almost no breaks within their study sessions, he studied for eight straight hours a day. If it kept at this pace, he would pass out from the stress before his ceremonial birthday.

Fortunately for him, these study sessions would diminish from the third day onward as he began muscle therapy for the well-being of his body. Although he hadn't been gravely injured, the blood loss and two days he spent lying down would affect him if he wished to perform as well as he intended to.

But, most of all, there was one thing that bothered Ren throughout these days... And that was the fact that his teacher hadn't come to visit him even once. It looked like something did indeed happen to him. His father wasn't one to let go of one's errors with simple punishments after all. Especially with the way he had acted before at the infirmary.

Ren also hadn't asked a soul since he wanted to hear it from one of the two themselves the truth of it all.

(Those scum aren't worth the worry.)

Ren sighed deeply as he finished running on another of the manor's courtyards for half an hour. This one was filled with white camellias.

I mustn't push myself too hard, just light exercises for now, he thought and wiped his sweat with a towel. In three days... that will be the grand day for me to show off. For all of the clansmen to do so too. It's our day. He smiled and drank some water, remembering it was almost time for another study session.

His mother had been focusing more on educating him on manners and the ceremony traditions and how they would occur—and so and so—rather than anything else that she may have wished to talk to him about... Ancient History one could mayhaps guess, Ren thought and coughed.

But the remaining fact was that there weren't many days left until the ceremony. He had to know how it would happen, begin, end, its procedures, and everything else with zero margins for error.

As if I haven't prepared for this my whole life already. He scowled and drank more water. He was sure he remembered everything from the first day, but his mother was meticulous about hammering into him the smoothness and confidence needed for performing in an event of such magnitude. When the brain fails, at least muscle memory will kick in as a last resource—her words.

Ren scratched the back of his neck. He didn't know what to do about this. Really, all he wanted was a time of peace and fun before the ceremony. Maybe he could take a trip to the capital for the busy roads and the stacked merchandise. Or he could see the trees in Hakumai this autumn when they shone their best. Just something before the responsibilities that would come with his heirship. It had been the biggest while since he last left the mountain and he didn't even bother asking nowadays since he was always met with refusal.

"Should I do it hidden?" he remarked by himself, a smirk marking his face.

"Huh? This isn't the bathroom?" A voice came from the side.

Ren's eyes widened—he forgot the door had stayed open.

He instantly turned his head to where the voice came from with his hands on his katana.

"Ooh... nice reflexes." The intruding man spoke purely in bold toward the prole of the most powerful family.

Ren sighed and allowed his hand to fall off the handle. "Kozuki Oden..." He made sure not to hide the frown he had on his face from seeing him. He was on much higher alert these days and this surprise was awful.

"Yeah, that's me." Oden caressed his beard, smiling silly.

"Why are you here—" Ren began and stopped, remembering what his teacher told him just a few days prior. "Of course you've received permission to stay six days here..." He grunted.

"Ahaha. But yes I did!" Oden grinned proudly.

Ren shook his head and chose to ignore him. He inhaled a hefty one and began another round of running around the courtyard.

For me not to notice when a fool this big approached me... Those two days must've taken a toll on me. His face was sour while he ran.

It didn't take long until he stopped while grumbling under his breath. Something something about his sister was right. Then he swept his katana out and looked at the blade.

Focus... focus...

He closed his eyes and—

"Are you going to train with your sword now?" Oden stopped right by Ren's side. "This is my chance to witness the legendary swordstyle the Ashikagas wield!"

Ren's face scrunched. In a second, however, he was back to his usual expression, of a raised as nobleman. Breathe slowly, then exhale...

He put on his most polite smile as he turned to Oden. "I apologize, but I'm afraid I cannot show you our way of handling the sword without the proper procedures."

"Ehhh..." Oden seemed like a kid who just had their balloon popped.

Ren's fists tightened. Instantly they loosened when he calmed down again. "Look, Mr. Oden, could you please drop the act? I've seen how you portray yourself before. What do you want?"

"Act? What do you mean, Young Master?" Oden asked, tilting his head as if confused.

Ren frowned as much as his father.

I'm sorry, Teacher, but I must say I hate you for permitting this man to stay here.

Instead of continuing exercising, he went back inside while ignoring all of the comments that proceeded.

"Young Master, wait! I might be able to—"

Ren smashed the courtyard's door shut, now long away from Oden and his gimmicks.

With his hand yet extended, Oden sighed while falling back, gaze contemplative. "Looks like he's worsened since we last met. I should try to help him as much as I can," he said, voice attuning to affliction. Then he picked himself up and ran. He ran because of much there was too much for him to do.

Six days were too little.

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Another day came by.

Ashikaga Manor,

A courtyard of red roses.

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"Hup—! Hah! Hyatt!" 

Three glimmers of metal-silver treading the air—or fumbling through it—sounded more like fastly-chanted dirges to express Ren's current bothered self. He was slashing with his katana the unknown preferring it was someone's face under the almost never-appearing sun. Today, it was strung high in the sky and it veiled the world in warmth. Or at least the top of the mountain where he lay as the sky was clear of any clouds this season's period. A rarity that seemed rarer each year.

His concentration was what trod a thin line and made his slashes sound like raging cries. Unlike the powerful shanties of his everyday training. But it wasn't because the sun was reflecting its light through his blade and toward his eyes. No. It was because the pest from yesterday had come to see him again.

Similarly, Oden appeared today with the excuse he had messed up the place because of how big the manor was. Ren hadn't a shred of doubt this was untrue though. Otherwise, he would've been long gone to look for his room or bathroom or whatever else.

And following true to his mood, he thought frustrated, When will he go away?! And so he lashed off at the unknown again, having his slash miss its usual line the second time.

Observing from a secure distance, Aki, who today accompanied her to-be liege, found herself pouring some hastily made tea into two cups. She would glance over at the two at every unusual noise or grunt, frowning and worrying something would happen in the time she wasn't looking while making tea. Her long jet-black hair was down today and her bangs hid her brows that she had furrowed. She was stressed unlike ever before, and the reasons were the two men bearers of high positions in the Land of Wano. Because while one looked to be barely holding in their anger whilst yielding a weapon made to delete existences—people too— the other observed the latter train with that same weapon wearing a bright smile on his face.

Sighing, Aki had herself switch into fabricated calmness as she placed both cups of tea onto a platter. She walked toward her master first. Time to defuse this.

"Young Master, don't you think you should take a small break? I have brought you tea."

Ren ceased his swinging and turned to her while wiping his sweat. Not giving it much thought, even rather, while amused, he said in grace, "I do think I should too. Very much thankful for the tea." He gave her a smile and grabbed a cup, shuffling toward a smooth rock where he could drink her tea peacefully.

Aki smiled back in hidden and turned to Oden. But before she could say anything, he opened his mouth. "Is that the tea I think it is? The one made of peppermint?" he asked, sniffing and having his mouth carry an o-shape of awe throughout.

"Yes, Mr. Oden. It's indeed pep—"

Oden zapped from the tree he was below before she could finish and he accepted the tea—in grace too of course. He sat on the same rock as Ren while not a droplet of the liquid spilled during the whole thing.

Ren was in awe by the feat but he would never show it.

"Mmm... this is some nice tea isn't it, Young Master?" Oden spoke all the while he sipped some of it.

Ren took some of his too while he glared at the man, eyes hostile. "There are many other rocks here, Mr. Oden." He finally said something toward the man after some inner struggling, annoyed he was sipping her tea too.

Oden averted his gaze for the moment as he took another sip. "Must I say, Young Master, my stay on the manor has been nothing short of pleasurable. The servants and warriors here are amazing and I ended up hearing much about you from everyone. Especially from some of your family members that I met, like your aunt, your cousins, and—"

Something pulled at his instincts, and Oden stopped as he felt a change come from Ren. He turned to look at the boy who was barely half his age.

Ren's retracted look of hostility had grown into a fully angered one.

"The only people my family are my parents, my sister, my uncle, and my teacher." Disgust had mixed in his vocal cords until it came out by his tongue. Disgusted by even having to make the discernment.

"I apologize, Young Master, I misspoke," Oden said, eyes solemn and apologizing. In his mind, however, he was euphoric. Light was finally shed on something he had been itching to know.

So this is one of the reasons those spikes have been as frequent! He hid his grin behind his teacup as he sipped from it.

Ren gulped down the rest of his and rose from his seat so he would resume training. Breathing heavily under his sweating nose and with a concentration thicker than usual, he poured out all the evil that had consumed him into his strikes. Better than being petty with words he was taught.

Now how do I solve this peacefully? Talking with them won't help much I fear, Oden thought while getting up too. Well, I'll discover later.

This time, he was the first to leave, though he turned back to speak one last time. "See ya, Young Master. Hope we can soon be on friendly terms. Like back then..."

Ren chose not to look back as Oden left the courtyard without any other word or ordeal to impose on him. Or maybe he hadn't even heard him leave.

So, only two bodies and mouths remained in the courtyard of crimson. Aki's and Ren's. One awaiting when the word of the other would come first.

Aki watched patiently as Ren trained. Her posture was elegance itself as if she were the most trained of maids, composure her surname... but not her eyes.

Even she, or specifically because it was Ren she watched, had her brows raised as she watched him perform his countless slashes. Because as much as they might have appeared random at first, as time passed, a pattern in them was as visible as the sun in the sky.

A lotus...! She saw, eyes shimmering. What precision! His form... his timing... He can form the illusion of a lotus with a blade... that's how skilled he is! As expected. She puffed her nose just slightly.

Ren was like an artist, not a killer with these slashes, his blade to cut made a pencil to draw.

And while restless, even he would near the end of his performance at some point. Aki counted the hundredth time when he finally paused back in the pose he started with—sword pointed ahead and feet apart and spread. Breathing was intense and his clothes were drenched in sweat.

She approached him with a towel and he gladly took it. Her feet fidgeted for a while before she said, "Young Master... if not too rude, may I ask if that was the dance every heir must perform at their ceremonial birthday?"

Ren glanced over his shoulder at her while wiping himself with the towel. "Well, not really. This is my own swordstyle I'm yet to complete," he said, barely remaining stoic as he tried to hide how proud he was she said his performance resembled a dance. That had been his intention.

"Should I tell you about how the ceremony goes though?" Ren mused, voice friendly, and Aki nodded patiently.

He coughed, and... "Well, my mother said it goes like this, kinda..."

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"So, no matter your grumbling, the ceremony is where you will find the lady who will be your spouse. At the end of that same night, you two will mate and hopefully produce a child of your own. Then, the next day, all the ins and outs of our family will be told to you, and formal training so you can wield the title of a Heir with poise will begin. There are also the bouts between the clansmen before your part, and as such, a renewed ranking between all echelons of soldiers in the clan happens. And also, there are so many other implications that I will thoroughly tell you within the next few days, so you don't need to worry about forgetting anything."

"But Mother, haven't Father said that the only thing I need to do at the ceremony is to showcase our swordstyle?"

"Ugh... that muscle-head... No, sweetheart. There's much more to it."

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Ren looked over at Aki when he finished. As much as she wasn't one to show much emotion, he was sure she wasn't as content as she usually was after he told her about the ceremony. He had no idea why though.

"Aki?" he called. He needed to be sure.

"Yes, Young Master?" Aki answered in her polite, usual self.

"Uhh... nothing... well, but I guess that's it," he replied, scratching his head awkwardly.

"Great. I will now leave as I don't wish to disturb you any further," she said and left without sparing a glance back. Not even bowing like she always did.

Although Ren couldn't quite pinpoint it, she was acting weirdly. Can't be anything serious though—oh but his most serious misconception.

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[4595 Words]