Sommertraum und Wintertod

It knocked me down on my knees. Air and scene was like a volcano's eruption, if I ever was to witness an active volcano, this is what it'd be like, for sure. A big thud and it felt like- No, it most likely was actual glass that was breaking around all of us, roses, friends and foes- glass raining down on us as if God was trying to kill our petty lives. But they weren't petty anymore. My body felt so heavy but with all my remaining might I held onto his body with my own arms and pulled him close to me to protect him from everything, willing to take cuts and shots, even.

As sound and visual information were overloaded, I'm not sure what exactly it was, I was trying to protect Leo from. A situation like that has your mind torn between fight, flight and freeze..

One thing for sure, though: I wasn't going to let go of him, no matter what.

I kept hearing the name "Layla" thrown around. A word not longer foreign to the ears of mine. It was a well-known tribe, and of course also hunted by the World Military, like all of us here,

which consisted of strong warriors.

You wouldn't expect such a notorious band to rescue us. Yet, yes: Here they were apparently. I couldn't focus any of my senses as I held onto his body. Chaos reigned over me, I'll admit. If I had been tipped off more, I'd might have burned everything around me to save us. I chose to direct all power of body I had left to protect him, however, my hair burnt black like the ashes.

I put my trust into Shanna's brother, as he was the leader of the tribe. Hope. I heard, singing, screaming, gunshots and fire. Was it mine screaming? I don't know. I only knew that this wasn't the same world we where in just now. This really was another reality and the one who performed the miracle tonight, was right here in my arms, unconscious.

"YO!" "GET BACK HERE" "THARIUS!!" "I THINK I SAW THEM OVER THERE"

"SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT, MEN SHOOT THEM ALL"

Leigh was slashing soldier's arms as they were about to pull the trigger of the firearms pointed at her body. It was night, there was a skyscraper that's just crashed beside her and a samurai was chasing her. To top it off, her body was still wounded and her mental capacity would soon want to give out as much as her legs wanted to. But the wind's little fiddle played a tune so motivating to struggle for life further, she would let it lead her to fight against every foe. In order to, make it to her friends, or at least, until one of the Layla-Tribe came, to find her-

She stood still. Her breathing was getting faster and faster. Was it fear? Her trembling veins transporting blood through her body were rushing at an unreasonable speed. The bloodstream rushed like cars on the highway. Murderous intent built up in her and her senses and instinct told her to draw her katana and mercilessly slash that enemy. "Don't cut, slash him. Slash him. Slash the one who killed your mother!" These words repeated themselves over and over as her teeth clenched with an ugly sound and she herself bore the look of a wild beast, lost white wolf, which was about to maul its prey to death with maddened laughter.

Then, a quick second of nothing, blank, but the stare of a killer.

Her leap so unnatural- that must have been fifteen metres of a long jump to her enemy, she fell as she held out her sword to slash Bruce.

The swords locked, that sound was so loud it made me flinch from my kneeling position and check behind my back, we were still on the circular platform- … I bit my lip bleeding, trying to suppress my pain for I just caught my third bullet, it stung like a wildfire condemned into a singular, small space- But I did not let go and protected Leo, using my body as a shield, kinda. I don't know if I'm doing enough for Leo, doing it correctly, but this is all I can manage right now- Folks who don't know we're on a battlefield might understand that a little differently, goddammit..

Her whole body seemed to split into two feint Leighs upon contact of their swords, time seemed slowed:

As those two images of her each held a sword and tried to slash Bruce from left and right,

he lost his temper and screamed out, returning time's flow to normal again, making the two images disappear as they slightly cut into his flesh. He used all his Will to cut through Leigh's white blade. As she could simply only watch his sword cut through her own blade, getting nearer and nearer to the handle, she screamed as well, pulled away the handle to save the rest of the sword- all she had left to remember her mother with. Letting her back face Bruce for a couple of deadly moments, she quickly realized her mistake, clenched the hilt between her teeth and used both her arms to protect her head from getting cut in half by Bruce. What a strike that was, coming from up, down below from a taller human with a stronger Will. She wanted to run, I could see that once the smoke cleared a little, but she couldn't give in or else she'd get her head cut in half. There's so much black smoke running across this whole scenery, dammit. Leigh was strong, but she wasn't skilled in a proper battle. It was anger that fueled her power. With a weak scream, she jumped to the side, Bruce stopped the blade from touching the ground gracefully, she tried to run but her right foot gave way. A snap. "Oh fuck, off..", pupils to the corners of her eyes, and she saw the blade drive into her left shoulder, with each cell pierced more blood stained her green shirt. The grip of her teeth on her sword grew tighter, he then kicked her unlocking sword from body, yet she did not fall but she held up her right middle finger as she realized a feeling of déjà-vu…

"This ain't the first time, what the fuck..?"

An inconstancy.

"Wait. Wait, wai- hold on- I get it, I think.."

Realities had shifted but if one would not take action and act accordingly, their lives would not change.

It all lied within your own hands.

The last time I saw her standing, there, she had her middle finger up, just like I know her but..

I don't know, the smoke got to me, did I pass out? I can feel more blood leaking

I can't breathe, it's like- I don't even know, I can't think properly, my body feels like it's being attacked by 1000 needles but yeah.. My eyelids jumped up a couple of times as my spirit was trying to fight slumber, the cousin of Death-

.

.

.

"SHIT"

Huhhh.. that wasn't Leigh's voice, whose..?

"Ayo, that guy's been shot at least 15 times"

15..?

"Make that 20+, bruh, look at this dude, he tryna protect another guy like that?! Does he have a death wish, or sumn? Using himself as a shield, tsk."

"This reckless blonde is Ray, the dude in his arms is Leo, Shanna told us, remember?"

"Ah, gotchu, let's get out of here before it's too late!"

My eyes shut. I can't feel anything, anymore. I only heared two voices before I descend into a black field of vision as I can hear every sound which painted the battlefield a war of crying noises die out.

They fade away, and there is nothing.

My body I can't move. I feel like a lone soul without its body, wating to possess one again.

I feel the urge to move.

I feel the urge to stand up.

But there is nothing.

A wide space of dark. No sense of direction. No hope to get out, nor get in.

This is scary, I'll admit that.

I've never been one to be scared from the dark, like Leo.

But- I get the feeling of being alone.

And I don't want to be alone.

Come to think of it, Leo's been in that church almost his entire life.

That church was dark from the inside, so why was he scared of the dark in the train?

Was he... scared of being alone again, after having just met me..?

I think, and I think as I come to the conclusion that I most likely forget about my stay in this dark realm of nothingness.

How cruel. It's like the thought of having your memory wiped, deleted, erased-

Nothing remains. And that would be a reality for itself.

Whatever, maybe he really was scared of being alone again.

I'm so dumb for not realizing sooner,

I want to hug him, hold him, talk to him

.

.

.

I feel the urge to move.

I feel the urge the raise my body.

I hate being like this. My body is clearly sleeping while I'm active here, in my mind.

I hate this, let me out. I said: OUT, out of his prison cell, I want OUT!

.

LEO-

As Ray's breathing adjusted, his blurry vision faded into a clearer image of a foreign ceiling. Blankness.

His hand was grabbing onto nothing but air, his arm stretched out, sitting in the white wooden bed,

unaware of the reopened wounds which marked the fresh bandages red. Dots, striped and the like.

"Would you lie back, please? Ray?"

He looked at the nurse, he looked at the window. Winter, bare trees which had lost their leaf dress.

"Ray, you're reopening your wounds.", she approached his bed but he jumped up as she wouldn't answer his questions about where Leo was. Nothing else in the whole world mattered right now. The thin cables detached from his body, one after the other, dodging the nurse's hands, he flung the door open. He didn't know how many days he was lying in that bed, how much time had passed since the war, it all worried him not, however. His legs hurt, his arms only a little, but it felt odd standing on his feet. In the long hallway, there were countless doors which had rooms with other patients behind them. Fast, he had to act fast. Too many possibilities- "Goddammit", he let his Will take over as a sharp pain stung his head and body in the places where his body had been shot. Yes, his limbs were in a better condition than his torso. The white of the bandages was now a fine, wine's red as he flung the door open with brute force, screaming the name: "Leo!" His mind went blank. As if vision was breaking down. In that room he saw three washed out people,

A tall man, Leigh and Leo, in bed. Ray did not hear his own foot steps, alike all noise was cancelled out in the moment of him entering. Leigh's face turned to him, Ray walked past the man he didn't know, he did not even realize her crying. He was stopped by Leigh's arms tight grip, his green orbs took a tearful look at the pale brunette. The dried, dark red rose in the vase standing on the nightstand, cracked: The head was fell off.

Sleeping, it seemed; but only would it seem so, as the monotone sound of the machine screeched into his ears. Down on his knees, he went, his head hit the wooden framework with a loud bang.

He needed to escape this cruel dream.

Leigh sobbed. This time, Ray could hear her, unfortunately.. loud and clearly confirming this was not dream. Ray had just witnessed the death of his love. He looked again with terrified eyes and a heart beating so aggressively with fear it could have broken out of his ribcage. There was no doubt, no fantasy, this truly was real.

And yet, Ray could only stay silent, the screech right beside him, confirming the stop of a heartbeat. Confirming decline, confirming the decline of any hope, Ray hated that word oh so much. It filled him with fear. 'Decline'. There was a 'decline' of life right in front of him, he couldn't bare it any longer, he only realized his screaming rivaling the machine when Leigh tried to loosen his hands which were glued to the bedframe, shaking it. He was panicking, for the first time in his life, probably, he'd lost control over his emotions. The usual calm self of his was gone,

letting as thrill of immense sadness and sorrow come over him. Irregular breathing, his body felt hot and cold simultaneously, he wanted to black out, think of this as a dream and awaken in the company of his love. "LET. ME GO!", he screamed as Leigh held him back from jumping onto Leo's body.

"Ray, please!", her voice was filled with grief,"fucking.. SNAP OUT of it, PLSEAE.. Leo wouldn't want to see you like this, so stop already" His green eyes jumped open and began filling with tears. From the hallway one could hear the nearing echoes of hasty feet, husky breaths. "Mr. Blackwood, there you are!", a couple of nurses entered the scene and took away the blonde had they not been stopped by the hand of the man in the room, King Jack Roseblood, the father of the boy who had just passed.

Ray screamed so loudly, one would have not expected this to come out of him, as tears ran down his face in rivers. A bitter, frustration began shaking him from within. "There's no way he'd die! Leo can't, NO, I don't want him to be.. FUCK", he struggled fighting back against Leigh's tight grip around his waist, until he stopped.

His hands were trembling, and his hair turning slowly more and more black. The urge for fire ignited within. "RAY DON'T-"

"I''LL BURN EV-", his head was cleared of the heat, hair back to blonde.

"Leigh, it's fine, will you let me handle this one?", the kindest of voices here, Jack asked her while kneeling down before them. She nodded and heard him whisper:

"Thank you." Letting go of his waist, she moved out of the room. He begged the Kingston hospital staff to leave this room and close the door, as well. After the shutting sound disappeared:

"Hey there, ..Ray." The blonde carefully looked into the man's face, seeing a face which looked young albeit the beard along his jawline, going up from the chin to the bottom lip and the feint hair above his upper lip. His dark hair was in a longer wolf cut."M- Mister?", he cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, I- I messed up, I- couldn't protect him."

"Dry your eyes, Ray, Leo wouldn't want to see you like this", he spoke in a gentle tone and gave him a handkerchief, "If anyone was at fault, it'd be me, I wasn't strong enough for my boy"

"Mister, what do you mean?" Jack's face turned slightly bitter, he had to let out a deep breath.

"No matter how strong your Will, at the end of the day,

we're still humans. We can't escape Death.." The blonde's face turned hot again, turning back to face Leo, it broke him down, he wanted to look away, but couldn't stop himself from staring at..

at Leo's.. dead body. The one clearing his throat now was the King now:"It's.. been a couple of days since all three of you were hospitalized, here in Kingston. As you guys were planning with Shanna, the Layla-Tribe.. they came to your rescue but

according to them, all of you were already unconscious. Leigh was up the day after the war. They told me, they heard screams from you, to be more specific, you were calling Leo's name in your sleep a number of times."

"What.. happened to Leo..?"

"Leo had regained consciousness on you guy's third day here. He was fine for two days..

Leo even managed to talk a little to Leigh and me, but it was only surface-level conversation, then, the day after that, he had fallen into a comatose state. We were waiting for him to wake up, and talk to us again", he paused briefly to continue in his calming voice,"I'm sorry, Ray."

Ray's shivering had stopped when he was caught by Jack's arms. The blonde feinted,

the shock had finally gotten the better of him, it seemed. The King looked at his son, then at his son's love, then exhaled deeply.

After a couple of minutes, Ray was back, this time, with no screaming. He had somewhat of a colder head again. The King's Will was far more exceeding than Ray's and Leigh's. Fixing wounds without drawing breath, calming Ray's temper..

"I'm sorry I lost myself, lost.. control of myself, Sir"

"No, there's no shame in grieving loss. Don't apologize"

Ray bit the corner of his lip, he didn't want to get used to the idea of his love being dead.

"Mr. Roseblood, let me properly introduce myself.", he held out his hand,"I'm Ray.. Blackwood,

your son's.. boyfriend- Uhm.. also, thank you very much for taking care of me and Leigh"

The bearded man understood that Ray was the more reserved and polite one out of the three.

Jack shook his hand:

"It's nice to meet you, Ray. I'm Jack Roseblood, your boyfriend's dad." A bittersweet smile formed on both of their faces. Had Ray woken up just a bit sooner… He felt regret, the type which enabled you to think of actions to harm yourself. But he wouldn't, he could not, he knew Leo was watching over him.

"I can tell, you carry the same flame inside you like Charles did."

Ray had to breathe in deeply. "Please, take good care of Leo, Ray", he placed his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "I will do that, Sir. Please, do take care of my uncle."

Leigh banged her head against her room's wall in a slow.. self-deprecating pattern. It was different kind of hurting. It felt so hollow, yet so heavy, life so trivial, and meaningless.

What was a life in the chains of capti-

No. She remembered the world, Leo's gift to everyone who believed in him and shared his dream of freedom. This is what he had died for. Yes, he may have been dead, they had to accept that reality, although it hurt. There was no one to hold them back in life, now.

She stopped banging her head to look out the window again. It really was Winter.

"So Summer was but a dream? And Winter brought nothing but death" The colours so colourless,

they seemed so bored and tired of keeping up their facade of life.

"Tsk, how the fuck.. how the fuck, Leo? I can't just accept you being gone, forget about it and live freely in this world? We were supposed to be live together, weren't we? Fuck… ", Leigh laughed. Frustration. Swallowing stones.

"I.. hate this so much, really, really fuckin' hate this.."

Letting her back slide down the wall, until she hit the floor, crouched to try trucking her head in her legs. The floor was cold, it was uncomfortable but she didn't want to act like that was her biggest concern in that minute. Her breathing hurt, she may have tried to hold back Ray but if she was being honest with herself, she would have loved to punch Leo until he reacted to her.

She slammed her fist against the floor until she received a knock from one storey below her.

AETERNVM VALE

I begged him to leave this room, to give me a moment with Leo in togetherness. I was scared, so scared, I wouldn't dare to touch his hand or check his pulse for confirmation. I was weak. Way too weak to protect someone dear to me, too weak to stand on my own. Too weak, to realize it sooner, that my wishful thinking messed with my perception of reality. Idealist's reality came crushing down on me and that made me feel weak. So, so weak... I was actually feeling this way ever since leaving home, letting the idea of being weak eat me up from the inside. But Leo made that go away, somehow, I- I don't know that feeling didn't exist when I was with him. But now.. with him gone.. it's there again, to be honest. I remembered the words, on our the first night, I told him to change the world for us, and that boy actually did it. I broke down and cried until I couldn't produce tears anymore and suffered in silence. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty miserable, but I was or.. still am.

A couple of hours later I found myself sitting on the bank in front of the hospital.

And, to be honest, I don't know if even that was real. My only wish was to flee from anything that didn't feel real, I wanted a safe fake to live with my ideals in.

"Oh, what a Wednesday"

My eyes were red from crying so much. I mean, to lose the person you love with you whole heart-

That's pretty harsh. It's pretty harsh, this life, I mean. I dislike this feeling of being alone,

I had forgotten it and never wanted to be reminded of what it felt like. The trees before me looked dry and rusty. The few leaves on the ground and bare branches told me again, that it was Winter.

"So Summer was nothing but a dream?"

I wanted to close my eyes, but hiding my eyes from the truth wouldn't change fact.

And to be frank, I wouldn't use my Will to warm my body. I just sat there in a brown mantle, freezing and maybe the cold could reunite me with Leo?

Fuck. These thoughts are grim. I feel so paralysed, my spirit is like a frozen block of ice while my body keeps hacking at it, blood keeps rushing and my heart keeps beating in that annoying rhythm.

The wind shifted my attention to my surroundings again. There was no snow. What an ugly Winter.

I hate you, Winter. Jack had left to get back to Londinium. After all, he had to protect his people still. Ugh, I couldn't wrap my head around things-

It stresses me out so much to think of everything as not absolute.

This freedom was still too new to me-

"Ray Blackwood." That was my name but I didn't bother to look up to whoever called out my name. It wasn't Leo's voice, It wasn't Leigh's, so there-

"Put your hands up, now!" I was getting annoyed. So I looked up and found what seemed to be the police? Guns pointed at my tired face. Gosh, my eyes must have looked awful.

"You're under arrest, Mr. Blackwood." I chuckled.

As I held out my hands skyward I let out my breath as if I was exhaling the smoke of a cigarette.

If Winter could bring Death to me in this second, I'd be the most grateful person to have ever lived.

"You stay inside, we're not interested in you!", they shouted at a random elderly person and fired a metre away from their feet. They were at the entrance, sticking their head out to see the action.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Leigh's pained body, fearful she stood. If she wasn't hiding like this, the coppers would take her with them, as well, I'm sure. Thank God, she wasn't as impulsive as she always was. Many other patients were glued to the windows, observing what would be their first form of entertainment in a long time.

I closed my eyes, I don't know what would happen to me or to Leigh if I didn't cooperate, I thought about Leigh, I thought about Charles, Shanna and Leo. And then, the unexpected feeling of bliss rose up to me, I laughed, I really, really, couldn't contain my laughter, somehow. 'Felt I was getting a paroxysm of laughter.

"What's that?" It's another word to use for saying 'a fit of laughter'. "Oh, gotchu.."

"What happened then?" As I laughed away, the police officers came closer to me, packed away their guns and arrested me peacefully, not harming anyone. But to be frank, I wouldn't have known the influence of the Blackwoods in this reality, were it not for you guys telling me. Didn't know I was that much of a wanted man..

All of them dressed in orange overalls, white shirt underneath. Ray was surrounded by fellow criminals he had to beat up during showering, before gaining their respect. Now, as if nothing had happened betwixt the reckless trying to attack the blonde,

as if no one had pulled a knife on him during their shower, they were eating in the hall, telling stories of why they were brought here, to UKR.

70.000 feet underneath water's surface, somewhere in the ocean. It didn't take anyone too long to figure out that it was Will which kept everyone from being crushed by the ocean's pressure.

The sea's creatures, rummaging throughout the darkest waters, swimming by the wide glass pillar.

A multitude of blue-rank soldiers were refraining every prisoner to use their Will. Now, even Ray was but an ordinary person, among many others. To be exact, 100 people among each and no gender were present. To Ray's luck one of Tharius' men was also imprisoned here. He sat across him while taking a bite of the overcooked meat. Dry chicken, bland sauces and water which would make puddles seem more appetizing. Ray had no appetite but forced himself to eat, so that he wouldn't get hungry during night. "My guy. Look, I'm sorry for loss, honest." "Yeah, that's fucked up, for real."

"Amen, I pray that your brother rests in peace.",

she bit into bread and gulped down a glass of water.

"Leo's my boyfriend, not my brother, guys."

"Mhm,", he licked his fingers, swallowed the food,

"So you swing that way, eh? Either way, may he rest in peace."

"I knew you were into men, you look better than the average male", another said.

"What?"

A loud dining hall.

Prisoners eating like wild animals. Ray's green emeralds were jumping from one person to another.

Either eating, talking or doing both. The presence of these kinds of people really reminded him about the Blackwoods. They would always get drunk on beer or wine or whatever liquor they could plounder.

"Ay, man. Let's play a game of chance."

"A game of chance?", the blonde repeated the wondering words.

"Yah, a game of chance.

We all can't use our Will, yeah? So instead of forcing shit, we'll just leave it to chance to make our predictions come true. And whose prediction is right, wins. Simple, right?"

The game didn't really seem to make sense to Ray as his eyebrows gave away his doubt.

"Look, blondie. 'Might be your first day here but lemme tell ya.. after a while it gets so boring you come up with small games to entertain yourself."

Ray still wasn't hooked but he had finished his meal already which wasn't as bad as he had expected it to be. "Ugh, fine, I guess. I'll be here for a while it seem, anyway."

"Ayy, that's the spirit!",

he got claps on his shoulders from people who had listened to his story with interested ears.

"Hmm, let's take that copper there, you see him?", index finger pointed at a guard standing one level higher then them, in front of a double door. "The chubby one?" "Yes. Bet he will scratch his right butt cheek." Ray shortly snorted with laughter. Absurdity. However after catching his laugh,

he answered with:"Bet he will scratch his left, then." The guy challenging Ray looked him deep into his eyes, a small showdown of intense gazes. There was literally no Willpower used in this game. Perhaps this game was more difficult to play when one actually had no chance to manipulate their preferred outcome. "LEFT!", exclaimed a third person. Ray cracked a smile while the other bemoaned their loss, people cheering for the blonde and more claps on his shoulders.

"Ah well, oh well, but see? Tha game's fun, innit?"

"It is. Pardon my scepticism." "It's all good, don't sweat it."

A handshake above the cheap dining table.

Later that day, it had turned night. The only way of telling for the people imprisoned were the clocks hanging above the door frames in each hall, making it hard to miss out on lunch hours;

the only hours in which food was given out were from 6am to 8am and from 6pm to 8pm.

The blonde lied in his bed, still awake after a bit past midnight. For the bunk bed, Ray chose to sleep below, above him lied a woman, across him were the two people of which one was the guy who had introduced the 'game of chance' to Ray. An older guy, who went by 'M'.

"Hey, hey Ray.", the blonde moved his head to the left in response, realizing M might not see his reaction as it was dark and all light had been killed. So, he whispered in the hope of waking no one other: "yes?"

"Oh, we're all awake, don't worry." "Yeah", a voice from the neighbouring cell, a few confirming voices from the cells opposite of theirs. "See? Anyway, I wanted to know about your arm, my man."

"Since when are ya'll so friendly with me? You guys were trying to stab me two hours ago when I went showering for the second time, since I was kinda interrupted the first time.."

"I mean.", M stopped,"You kinda whooped our asses, so that mean you the strongest."

"Oh, so I'm the boss now, is that it?", Ray had to chuckle a bit.

"You a Blackwood, though, ain't you?" "Yessir", Ray scoffed,

"I'm the son of Christopher Blackwood." Gasps and gossip filled the air, followed by a bludgeon banging against a cell's iron bars, demanding silence.

"Damn, a real Blackwood, that shit's crazy, you a real gangster."

"Wouldn't call myself one, to be frank."

"To be frank with you, dawg. We was wondering what the deal with your left arm is."

Ever since the crash, he had noticed it but hadn't paid too much attention to it. Ray's left arm had darkened, a darker than grey skin made a stark contrast to his white body. "It really, just kind of appeared, all of a sudden. I know, I know it looks odd, but since the change of realities, my arm's been like this." M believed Ray and he thought the others would believe his words as well. What reason would he have to lie to them? Ray's blonde hair was shining a little from the feint light reflection that came through the double door's glass window. His face turned to the wall, his body blanketed by a thin fabric. The 'bed' was so uncomfortable, most people would complain about it on their first encounter with this poor excuse of carpentry and nevertheless could the blonde focus on nothing but the day's events. Flooding memories, a rush in the mind unsynchronized with body's. Discord. Facial expression turning bitter but no one could see him. Ray woke up in the middle of the night. It was ironic when it felt nostalgic to touch the darkened skin of his left arm. "This thing...", he thought. He gripped it, tightly. Teeth clenched when tears began welling, then they rolled down his face.

The image of him appeared in my head. This was the suppressed frustration, unsatisfied with my suffering, which I let out when they attacked me in the shower. But really, I don't want to hurt anyone, I just- His hand left the arm and chocked the chest area of the overall, as if trying to rip it by gripping it aggressively. I miss you, I seriously do, Leo, please come..back. To me.

Forehead touching the cold stone wall, funny, how even though the body was under warm cover, the cold was able to creep from his feet and head to his heart. Right now, his tear held the warmest temperature. No breathing, no rational thought, only the image of that-

Brunette beauty, his sweet magenta eyes always smiled at me, made me happy, his smile filled me with excitement, his pale, scared skin, so frail and yet a willpower so strong, it'd wreck UKR at in instant, I just know it. Is this desire? I think, maybe it is.. I just miss him so much..

An intense fight between his desire to not let a single sound and his desire to gasp, to cry aloud.

Leo appeared in my dream that night. Yeah, after I managed to breathe again and calm myself down enough to enter a slumber, my mind kept torturing me with. I knew it was but an illusion of him but I wish it was real. I hated this miserable state of mine. A slave to desire, ignorant of the freedom Leo had given me. The second I'm freed from my family's ties, I let myself get stuffed into another cage. The fuck is wrong with me?

Hey.. Ray? You've been ignoring me this whole time..

Wha- How- What, did you-

Oh, silly..

Leo's cool hands enveloped Ray's warm face.

The gentlest of smile his rose-flushed lips formed.

I've been calling out your name, but you kept staring into the sky.

Leo? What are you doing, here? I thought-

His thumbs lightly pressed against the mouth.

Shhh, a dream doesn't have to make sense. You can say anything, imagine anything,

do anything you'd want to me...

Ray sitting, Leo standing, the brunette coming closer with his own face,

whilst the blonde kept staring doubtfully.

But you just won't allow it yourself, am I right?, whispered his love.

Well, am I wrong?

Leo's gaze sharpened as he drew them back and drove his frail hands into the smooth blonde hair.

I won't enjoy anything, unless I've come to terms with your.. your..

Death?

Ray closed his eyes in response.

You won't come to terms with my death, if you can't even spelled it out, Ray.

The truth of reality will hurt you, it will pain you, bite you whenever you're covered with fantasy.

The blonde's tears were wiped by his lovers' hands.

I'm aware of this being a dream, but.. damn. This really just is, me being harsh to myself?

You call it harsh, but in the end, Ray… It's nothing more than simple fact.

A fact you'll have to confront.. alone and by yourself.

The brunette's hands drew back and although they were cool,

Ray felt as if warmth had left his face.

.

.

.

This wouldn't be the only time,

I'd encounter him in my dreams like this.

The following morning a sharp-tongued, white-haired girl was putting on her black sneakers.

Bandages wrapped around both, her arms and legs. You'd expect them to be pure white alike her hair but a couple of full red marks made it all clear that she hadn't fully recovered yet.

With a clench of her teeth and hurting aches all over her body she tied the laces fast, and leaned against the wall. Jack's will had healed their bodies but it was the girl that harmed herself. To her right, the door, the exit of the Kingston hospital. On her hip attached, the Katana, or rather- what was left of it. She fumbled it with her hand. The handle was there,

yet there was the blade which had been broken and cut off. Only a few centimetres stood out now.

It might have been as good as a knife.

"Leigh", a well built man in his twenties came to her, one of Amaris' friends. He looked at a depressed teenage girl, dressed in a patient gown, black sneakers on and rough hair. Add the dead look in her eyes, as well, "I'm afraid I can't allow you-"

She whipped out her broken sword to point it first at him, then at herself. He was dumbfounded with a stern look in his brows and eyes.

"I ain't gonna listen to you, I'm as good as dead, anyway. No need to try and talk a dead man out of suicide", her deep whispering voice let out, "You should at least grant me my final wish , or I'll end my life here, in front of you before you can stop me." The sinister look in her eyes wasn't lying. Leigh had been defeated. Loss. It was again, loss.

Would it bring her the loss of her life if she wandered deeper into the cold North? Dressed as lightly as she was, a regular person would have frozen to death before wandering three and more hours into the mountain's direction. She hadn't even thanked the Laylas for them rescuing her and her friends. The other patients would notice the newspaper on top of a table in the launch.

A diner knife stabbed right through the photo of the cover.

The same cover of the newspaper Atrox held in his hands. The date told you it had been not even two weeks after the war, and naturally, the newspapers would want to cover the topic.

He was resting, lying in bed, in a WM base. He couldn't process much, facial expression didn't seem to work for him. It was as if he was paralyzed from the inside. But he was conscious, he did hold the newspaper which brought tears to his eyes. In silence, in solitude, he looked at the photo of the cover. A white house. A small white house on a green lawn. On the doorstep sat a teenage boy with a big smile on his face, waving towards the camera. On his head and in his other hand- "Billy… Jerry..."- the caps of blue colour with nameplates that read the late sons of Atrox. Provoked hate. Frustration. Pain. Sorrow.

Yet, no emotion was displayed by his body, by his face. Only his mouth was hanging open but with a close listen you could hear the trembling breathing of an old man. Mourning the death of his children, scarred for the rest of his life.