CHAPTER SIX

The weekend before Christmas break was over my friends wanted me to go to this party tonight, but I wasn´t feeling like it, I never feel like it actually, but I always end up going, they really have to stop abusing my kindness.

Yeah… guess where I´m going… On my way to the house of someone named Paul? I was freezing to death, really, what am I really doing here? I could be at home, with a cup of hot cocoa but no, Gray here, chose to be a good friend, why?

I got to the location on my phone and like always, music could be heard from miles away, I got in and started to look for my friends, I found Lucas making out with some girl so I just kept walking, I found Linda making out with some guy so now I didn't have any friends to look for, great.

I found a cooler by the couch with beer so I grabbed one, walked outside, and sat on the sidewalk, I wasn't in the mood to have my ears popped. I watched the snowflakes fall, ignoring the yelling coming from inside the house.

I saw Roy coming from the other end of the street but he looked... weird? I stood up and walked up to him, "Hey you okay" I grabbed him by the shoulders "Of course man, I'm feeling greeeat" He was obviously drunk and he had this huge bruise on the cheek, did he get into a fight again? Or maybe his dad? "Here, let me take you home" "Get your hands off me" He shook off my hands and started to walk to Paul's house. "You are dunk come on" I grabbed his arm and he turned around, "I said get your hands off of me faggot" He walked away and I let him, why would I take care of him when he has shown me that he isn't really my friend?

I walked inside, grabbing another beer and vodka, he really had the audacity to offend me when I let him spend Christmas with my mom and me? If he knows about my kiss, who else knows? Oh god, let's drink, you must be confused as to why I want to get drunk if the last I drank ended up as my nightmare, well, I want to forget about it so, my solution is drinking.

Okay, now I'm totally drunk, I lost count of how many shots I have drank and I don't care, this is all Roy's fault, really? Faggot? He couldn't come up with something better? And I know we are not totally friends but at least we were something close to friends? He didn't have to be such an ass.

I was leaning on the wall, watching Lucas's band play when someone approached me from behind and grabbed my waist, I turned around to see the guys I kissed at the last party "You don't remember my name, do you?" "Oh, so you know mine?" "Touché" He smirked and grabbed my arm, "Let's go get a drink"

He grabbed a bottle and guided me upstairs, we entered a room and locked the door. We sat on the floor and opened the bottle, "Name?" he asked and handed me the bottle "Gray" I drank and handed it back to him "Noah" He drank.

After many anecdotes later that I was sure I wouldn't remember tomorrow we ended up kissing again, I was leaning on the bed, his knees on either side of my legs, kissing me hard, I know I shouldn't be doing this, I don't even know I'm gay but he doesn't live here, he obviously knows that I don't know anything about myself and clearly, he doesn't care.

My hands were pulling his face closer, his fingers pulling my hair, his tongue playing with mine, our bodies so close to each other, he pulled away and I could feel his breath brushing my lips, I felt a shiver go through my spine, he kissed my neck and this is when I realized I was totally gay.

I heard a knock on the door, even though I couldn't see Noah's face I could sense that we were both disappointed and shook, we stood up quickly and turned on the lights, "Gray, I… Know you are… there with that…that… guy" We fixed each other's hair and I realized it was Roy, that assh****, he treated me like shit and now dares to interrupt me? I mean, Noah is hot, I am disappointed.

I opened the door and the second he came in, he started throwing hands "What are you doing?" He pointed at Noah and not… me? "Huh?" "Yeah, you, kissing him, like I don't know you did at the last party" How did he know? "You fucking… stay away, he doesn't need you, taking advantage of him" "Hey I didn't force him or anything" That just triggered Roy and he started offending Noah and that's when I stopped him and made Noah leave, I didn't say this but, Noah… was in shape, even though I would love to see who will win, better if it didn't end up that way.

I was left with Roy and I was pissed, I didn't know he was such an ass, "What are you doing here Roy? Just came in to yell, be rude, and leave?" "No, I came to say I'm sorry" "That's, that's your way of saying sorry? Coming here, calling him names, being an ass, fucked up apology I got to say" "I know, I'm an ass, but I have never, had a… friend, never apologized to anyone" "Even if you have never apologized, I think it is pretty obvious that that's how you don't fucking apologize or treat a friend, you homophobic douche" I was about to leave the room when he grabbed my arm "I am sorry, I swear I am, please, one chance, I won't treat you like that anymore, I swear"

I looked at his eyes and they looked sincere, "Fine, maybe" I loosened my arm and walked away, walking home alone in the shivering cold I thought about everything, about Roy, about me, about Noah, my sexuality, forgiving Roy, apologizing to Noah, everything.