Chapter 43: I Lost Him

Fahami's POV:

He didn't return. Days, weeks past but I couldn't find him. I looked for him in the restaurant. No one knew where he was. In fact, his owner asked me why didn't Taesung go to work. I asked his co-workers. I asked Junho, even he didn't know.

"Fahami, enough." Eunjin snatched away the bottle from me.

Tears roll down my check. I hadn't felt this much devastated ever since my brother's death. I was worried about Taesung. Every time I called him, the call went into voicemail. I had asked him to come back. I said sorry for pushing him away. But he didn't reply me.

' I am responsible for it. I broke his heart when I promised myself that I will take care of him. I will give him a home, a family when his own family couldn't give it to him. I promised that I will fix up his broken heart. I broke it.'

I sobbed loudly. Eunjin rubbed my back, "Look, he didn't want to be with you, that's why he left. Stop crying for him. Look what you are doing to yourself. You are drinking like an addicted, you are not studying, your grade is getting lower. Fahami, is this why you came to Korea, to cry over an immature boy who suddenly decided to leave you?"

I couldn't control my tears. They didn't want to stop.

Haewon sighed loudly and said, "Fahami, we have been sitting in this pub for an hour. All you are doing is just drinking and repeating one sentence like a parrot, ' He is gone, he is gone.' Stop it. You are hurting yourself."

I sobbed and said, "You don't understand. I am responsible for this. I broke his heart. He didn't leave me just like that, he left because I disappointed him."

Eunjin shifted her seat next to me and said, "What do you mean?"

I sniffed and tried to control the tears. My voice was cracking again and again. "I don't know what happened, but that day, he came to home, completely drunk. I have never seen Taesung that drunk. He was crying and asking me if I loved him. I didn't have a damn clue about what he was talking about. Later I guessed, he was talking about my ex-boyfriend, but that didn't make sense. I already told him that I didn't love Roy. He kept asking me if I loved some man, then suddenly he said he loved me. I told him that I didn't consider him as a lover. Since then, he is gone. Fucking gone!"

My heart made a painful move and I sobbed again.

"Fahami, I am sorry. I wasn't sober." I heard Hyunsu saying this.

I looked up at him, "What?"

He looked down, as if he was ashamed of himself. "That day, when we were waiting for Haewon in front of the pub, I saw your that boy. He was carrying a huge teddy. I knew from the beginning that he liked you. And I thought he was the reason you didn't want to be with me. That's why I hugged you."

I couldn't give a damn care that he felt guilty. Anger was blinding me. I was trembling with anger. He was the reason Taesung left me. Now I wanted to kick Hyunsu in the balls. I wanted to hurt him.

"You." I accusingly said, "You are the reason why Taesung left me. You made him think that I loved you. You triggered him. You fucking bastard! I felt sympathy for you. I knew how parents could affect children, I tried to console you. And that's how you repay? By trying to separate me and Taesung. Do you know, I have black belt in karate? Do you even have any idea, what can I do to you now?"

"Enough!" Suddenly Eunjin said in an irritating voice. "What Hyunsu did was definitely wrong, but honestly Fahami, is Hyunsu the real culprit? You are the one who said you didn't love him. If you really loved him and said it to him, he wouldn't leave."

Her harsh comment made me realize, I was just blaming Hyunsu. I was looking for an escape from my own guilt. He wasn't the guilty. He didn't ask Taesung to leave. Fuck! Did I tell him to leave?

Eunjin suddenly held my hand, "Besides, look at yourself now. Are you sure you don't love him in that way? You are looking like a girl who was ditched by your lover, crying a river and drinking like a drunkard."

"Tell me one thing. I know, he reminded you of Nabil and you tried to stick with him for that. But honestly, did he replace Nabil? Did you love Taesung the way you loved Nabil? Could you forget Nabil even for once?"

Her last comment made my breath hitch. No, it couldn't be true. I didn't love him in that way. Did I?

Though what she said, was true. I took care of Taesung in the first place because he reminded me of Nabil, but that didn't mean I forgot about Nabil for a single moment. Taesung just decreased the emptiness in my heart. It didn't feel hollow inside. It didn't make any sense. I loved Taesung!

"Fuck this." I got up and walked away from them, heading home.

Thankfully, I didn't throw up in the cab. The driver was a good man. He helped me to get to the fourth floor. After that, he just greeted me and left.

When I unlocked the door and went inside, the hollowness rushed inside my heart like a flood. My home was empty.

The floor was threatening me to make me fall. I felt like I was going to fall on my face any moment. It took me an hour, maybe, to reach to my room. Then I saw the huge teddy seating in a corner.

My heart skipped a beat when I remembered, Taesung bought this for me. Perhaps, he dropped it on the road after seeing me and Hyunsu.

He remembered I wanted to buy a teddy. He bought it for me!

I looked at the huge teddy bear. It stared at me, asked me why did I make Taesung left.

I hugged the teddy and cried. God! Where was he? I didn't know if he was eating, if he was sleeping. I was scared, what if he was injured. What if someone hurt him in a combat. He must be not in sense. He didn't take care of himself. He could do reckless things. What was he doing?

' God, please. Give him back to me.'

It seemed the teddy hugged me back, after that I didn't remember anything else. Darkness enveloped me and I fell in a peaceful silence.