She

She got what he want to leave you out of the car with a flushed laugh that radiated beauty to every boy who saw her .. Likewise with Papa, looking proud

Papa accompanied Ayuna, because Ayuna is a new kid at this school, for the first time she had to be escorted with Papa, perhaps as an introduction between the teacher and the student's guardian. I saw Papa without hesitation embracing Ayuna, Papa always smiled and walked carefree towards the office, didn't lie, there was envy in my heart, seeing Ayuna and Papa who could be like that, but feeling That envy can sink with my fear in this heart, because I never know what Ayuna will do to me later, now I just pray and hope that I am not in the same class as Ayuna, because if I am in the same class as her I might be better off. just drink rat poison, because it was the beginning I felt my life would slowly be destroyed.

I feel like I better fight against the enemy. than I have to fight against my own brothers, apart from the disgrace that I will get all this will also create divisions within my own family. I still want Papa to live happily, because all this is what makes me better be quiet and give in.

As my father taught me, to remain grateful in everything I experience.

even though it is sadness as well as sorrow ... I have to keep smiling and grateful.

because out there maybe there are still families who are worse off than mine.

I kept walking in silence because I don't know what happens when I meet Jimmy, and what Jimmy will say to me or what I'll say to Jimmy, because I know, surely Ayuna has told Jimmy a lot about myself and told everything. fill in my diary to Jimmy.

If you remember Ayuna's behavior who can do all this, I feel like I want to leave this school, because I no longer have the face to meet Jimmy. I'm afraid that Jimmy will change the way I look at me now.

I walk with my head down through class after class along this corridor, I don't care How many eyes see me walking crying right now because I can only cry and will continue to cry because I'm not Ayuna who can clearly talk to Papa to expressing my heart which is full of hatred and envy, I can only silent lamenting my fate, why I was born into this world.

I was still walking until without realizing I had entered my classroom and with limp steps I sat in my class, just sitting silently, thinking about Ayuna and Papa because I was still guessing in the shadows what they would do and in which class Ayuna will start her lesson at this time, remaining silent can only wait for the time, which will happen to me ...

"Ayuni ... Ayuni ... knock ... knock .. !!"

The sound of knocking on the window pane and the sound of Jimmy from behind the classroom window next to me really surprised me and broke my daydreams. I don't understand why Jimmy came to me? What was the problem with him so he was looking for me .. seeing Jimmy who came over to me until he reached the glass window beside me, made all the questions start appearing in my head.

"What's wrong, Jim ...? Why are you looking for me up here?" I immediately asked Jimmy.

"I've been waiting for you on the park bench! Why didn't you come? Are you angry with me?"

With a face full of astonishment and a look that was a little annoyed at me, Jimmy answered my question.

My eyes immediately opened wide because I did not expect him to come to me because of my mistake, I had forgotten my promise to him and made Jimmy come looking for me.

"Sorry Jim, I forgot, seriously ... sorry my mistake ..."

I replied to Jimmy in a slightly soft tone because I was afraid that Jimmy was angry with me, because I had made him wait a long time until he finally came looking for me, but honestly I admit that there is a feeling of pride in this heart seeing Jimmy like this, it turns out he still cares for me .

"Can we still get out? Let's go to the park, let's go!"

Jimmy's invitation was still valid, he still invited me to come with him to go to the backyard of the school where Jimmy and I could complain and I was happy to hear his invitation even though I actually became lazy to go to that place, because I was afraid if Ayuna saw me walk with Jimmy then Ayuna will start bothering me again.

"Jim ... don't go to the park, right now I'm lazy to walk, just go to Mang Atta's place ..? We can tell stories while drinking ice."

I tried to ask Jimmy to find a new place, because I felt that the park was no longer comfortable. I looked at Jimmy's face with full expectation so that he would agree with my request.

"Hhhmmm .. whatever you like!"

Jimmy answered me curtly, his face showed disappointment then he walked in front of me

I wanted to tell Jimmy the truth about why I had to find a new place.

But I still had doubts and didn't dare to say it. I know that in the park is Jimmy favorite place but right now, Jimmy must start to forget about it if he still wants to tell me. I kept walking following Jimmy's steps and could only say to Jimmy in my heart ..

"I'm sorry Jimmy"

"Haaiii ... my beautiful sisters ..."

Suddenly Ayuna appeared in front of me and Jimmy made Jimmy and me stop and pause for a moment.

I feel the heartbeat in my chest right now beating very fast, it feels like the swelling hasn't been deflated in my eyes, because Ayuna made me cry this morning, and now I feel like I'm going to cry again.

"Hi Jim ... you don't miss me? I moved here to meet you, right?"

With full of charm, Ayuna said to Jimmy. She tried to seduce Jimmy and separate Jimmy from me. Ayuna's hand very quickly grabbed Jimmy's hand then she asked Jimmy to leave me.

"Jim, come on buy me meatballs, it's been a long time we haven't been together, I really miss the time with you." as footsteps away from me, there was a spoiled Ayuna voice who kept trying to seduce Jimmy to being spoiled.

I can only be silent seeing all this, like a statue on the edge of the field now seeing them leave me alone. Jimmy was like a buffalo stuck on the nose, he walked according to Ayuna's invitation and went with Ayuna leaving me.

The feeling that is in this heart, is now like a cactus tree that lives in the desert, waiting for rain because my heart is hot and this dryness can become cold and wet, I keep holding this heart as much as I can so that my tears don't drip again. I can only look down and turn around and walk towards my class again. There is not the slightest hint of these eyes looking at the two of them again, in my heart right now I can only say as a consolation for this heart, let them go wherever they want.

I sat back in my class. At least I feel comfortable sitting in this class, because Ayuna is not in my class. that means no one will bother me during class hours and it makes me more and more able to concentrate in the lesson.

These eyes, now can only look far into the field, where I can only see emptiness, empty like my current heart. I don't dare to have the slightest prejudice against Jimmy and Ayuna even though in my heart honestly have so many questions raging about the two of them, but ... I still don't dare .... For me Jimmy is the man I love and Ayuna is my own older sister.

Because imagining it all, without realizing my tears have fallen into my lap and this is my second cry today, I keep my head down so that my friends don't see me crying and I can only ask if there will be more crying today ? I smiled and then said in my heart this is

"God, don't leave me alone."

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