Chapter 5

“NO. I TOLD YOU NO ALREADY,” Lana hisses at the phone. I can see her through the window in the living room. “Absolutely not, you’ve made your choices, and I’ve made mine and that’s the end of it.” Her voice quivers.

She’s angry and sad; her voice always does that when she’s trying to be strong about things she doesn’t want to be strong about.

“I’m happy.” Her voice is firm.

Like last year when her dog had to be put down, she didn’t want to cry. She even quoted something from her favorite book. Something about not saying goodbye because goodbyes mean forgetting. Something like that. I’m not good at quoting things like she is. I’m more of a gist kind of guy.

“That’s the end of it, Owen, don’t call me again.” She lets her hand drop her phone away from her ear and drops onto the stoop. She hangs her head between her legs, the brim of her pale pink fedora hitting her knees. I hate seeing her sad.

I step out and sit beside her on the steps. She doesn’t even react, her eyes are closed. There’s a single tear slipping down her cheek. I use my index finger to wipe it away, and she jumps. Her eyes filled with her surprise.

“Theo.” She sighs and settles into an easy smile, the smile she reserves for me. “You scared me.” She pats her hand over her heart. I love the sound of her voice.

“You okay?” I wrap my arm around her.

She leans into me and nods. “Yeah, totally. Everything is good.” She smiles and pushes herself to her feet. Her eyes are a little red, but she puts on a good face.

“Who was on the phone?”

She doesn’t usually keep things from me.

“Oh… nobody.” She waves it off and offers me her hand.

“Lana.” I shake my head at her. “You’re a terrible liar.”

She bites her lips and tilts her head, and her eyes travel up to the sky for a moment. “No one important,” she amends, bringing her eyes back to mine. “Now, we could keep talking about this,” she says, “or we could go out and take a walk in the park. The same park we met in, and…”—she takes both of my hands and tugs me to my feet—“run into each other again.”

“Are you asking to fall in love again?” I can’t help but smile at her when she talks like this. She bites her lips and looks to the sky again. What is she always looking at?

“A refresher is always good.” She giggles and tugs me forward.

***

The park is nice, not too crowded, not too cold. Lana bounce-steps beside me, her arms locked around mine, her hair swinging behind her in her hastily thrown up ponytail. She hums a song I don’t recognize as her eyes trail over the world.

“It’s by Niall.” Her eyes come to a rest on mine.

“Oh yeah?”

She nods. “Yeah, it’s new; it’s called Flicker.” She twirls out in front of me and starts to sing out loud. I can’t even focus on the words when she takes my hands and makes them dance. She holds my arm up and spins under it, and she sways, and she smiles, and god, I love her soul.

“Dance with her!” A man calls out, and people cheer. I let her lead me across the pavement as I take her in my arms. I pull her close, and she rests her head on my shoulder. The crowd cheers again.

“I love you,” I whisper into her ear.

“I love you.” She hugs me close and pulls her back just enough for a kiss.

“In front of all these people?” I ask.

She just smiles, big and beautiful and Lana.

“What people?”

I peck her on the mouth, soft, sweet, her favorite kind of kiss. The small crowd that gathered around cheers. I look up past her and see a much older couple dancing while they sing together.

“Yeah!” Lana cheers, her eyes misting up as she watches the older couple dancing. Their grey hair and canes and bent postures but Lana looks at them like she’s watching some amazing ballet. She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet and tears slip down her cheek. I wrap my arm around her and press a kiss to her temple.

“That’ll be us someday.

“Yeah?” she asks.

“Promise.” I vow as she dabs her eyes, trying not to smear her makeup.

“They’re just really beautiful.” Her eyes soften, still on the couple. Some of the crowd has taken a seat and are just watching the couple dance.

A middle-aged man sings to a little girl. She dances on his shoes and laughs. Her hair is a mess, and there’s something all over her mouth and chin, but the man, her father, kisses her nose and spins her.

“Love is so beautiful.” Lana wraps her arms around herself and watches. I squeeze her to my side, because I fall in love with her every time we come here. I love falling in love with her. I pull her just a little closer.

“What would you do if you were sick?” Lana asks, her smile gentle and sad and beautiful, her eyes still on the couples.

“Ask you to make me chicken soup.” I chuckle. She shakes her head and finally meets my eyes.

“I mean really sick, like you could die any day, sick.” Her eyes are big, and there’s something there that I rarely see. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it. It’s like worry but different.

“Like cancer?” I ask her. She nods, her hands clasped together. She does that when she’s anxious.

“If I was sick, and I was dying, and I could go at any minute…” I think about it for a second. I’m not a big dreamer like Lana is. I don’t care about traveling the world and seeing everything like she does. I squeeze her arm.

“I’d love you. I’d love you with every single breath I have left, and even when my breaths have stopped, I’d figure out a way to keep loving you.” A smile breaks out over her face, and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me.

The man dancing with the little girl walks past us, the little girl still spinning and singing as she trails after her dad. I wrap my arms firmly around Lana, and I can’t help it, I sniff her hair just a little. It smells like flowers.

“I’ll love you with every breath too.” Her voice is so quiet, I wonder if she really wanted me to hear her.

“Come on.” She pulls away, and her eyes are dry. She’s got her smile on, and she’s got a bounce in her step. She pulls me forward. She’s always pulling me forward, making me move even when I don’t want to.

“Are we going to start another ball in the middle of another park?” I tease her.

She shrugs. “Possibly.”

“Well, as long as you’re there.” This would make a good scene for a book.

Lana hums and pulls me along with her.