I’M NUMB AS I WALK into the room. Shaina is shaking. Alex is still as a statue. Shaina is the only one that has seen Lana. She knows what to expect, but I don’t think that’s any help.
“She looks like she’s sleeping.” Alex’s voice is so low I can barely hear it. I inch toward Lana’s side and I look down at her.
“She knew.” I don’t recognize my own voice. “She’s known since she was ten.” My voice is rough.
“I can’t.” Shaina ducks out of the room. Alex hesitates.
“You need some time with her.” He’s rigid as he follows Shaina out.
I stand there beside Lana, watching her. I always love watching her. Her eyes are closed, and her hair is messy. It could almost be any other night, accept that her chest is still. She’s not muttering nonsense or proclaiming discoveries. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to feel nothing when Lana makes me feel so much
“Hey, Mrs. Bell.” My words are stiff, stiff like she was while her brain bled as I held her in my lap trying to order an Uber.