LOVE OR LUST

I will work overtime because I will not be able to catch up with my job. I can’t focus because something is bothering my mind. They have already left, our office hours are only until 5 PM and maybe I will be out at about ten in the evening.

I thought I was alone in the office but Marknell was with me.

"What are you doing here? Your work is done, you can go home." I drive him away.

He did not answer and he sat down next to me as I focused on my work. But just pretended because the truth is my mind is not on the monitor, I can feel my heart beating so fast, still same feeling whenever he is around, the same feeling even before.

"Do you really like him?"

"It is none of your business.” I tried to calm myself. “Why? Are you affected? You thought no one will ever like the rug you have thrown away?”

Silence…

“Just leave me alone. I don’t need you here.”

"It is my schedule to help you tonight," he answered and took the other documents from my desk, he went to his computer.

I looked at him. No matter how much I avoid him, he always approaches me, he just makes me remember the pains he caused me before. I looked down as he turned to me. I got up and headed to the restroom. I have to be tough. That's right. You are strong Jhinkee, come on. But when I came out of the bathroom, I ate everything I said a while ago, because he quickly grabbed my waist and kissed me hard on the lips.

I tried to push him but he was strong until I was carried away by his kisses until I fell again... I reciprocated with a kiss, I did not realize that he had leaned me against the wall. His kisses on me became aggressive.

"Now tell me you don't love me anymore, that you have no feelings for Me." between kissing me.

I pushed him hard. "Love is different from lust."

My cellphone rang, Jaybee was calling. I walked away from Marknell and sat down at my desk again while he was still leaning against the wall.

"Hi BFF." I raised my voice.

"Will I still fetch you out? Is it raining hard and is it flooding now." Jaybee on the other line.

I looked outside. Oops! I lost my mind that there was a storm. "BFF don't, it's dangerous for you to travel here. I can take care of myself okay? No worries!"

"I'm on my way to fetch you but the vehicles can't cross. Please call me when you are at home." He said worriedly.

"I will BFF. Don't worry about me. Drive safe and take care, bye." I peeked outside again, I even shouted when suddenly there was a flash of loud lightning.

Marknell came to the rescue immediately and hugged me. "You are still afraid of lightning," he says.

I pushed him again. "Let's go home, it's raining hard outside so it's dangerous for us to spend the night here, and traffic too."

I turned off my computer. He followed me down to the lobby; we just kept quiet while inside the elevator to the outside of the building.

"Miss Jhin, just leave your car here, it's dangerous for you to drive now." the Guard.

"Thank you, are you all right here?"

"It's my job so it's not new to me. Wait I'll just get you an umbrella and ride." he looked at Marknell before running away.

The taxi stopped us. "There is no other available, is okay if you will share the ride?" he asked Marknell.

"No problem, thank you."

I could do nothing but let him be in the taxi.

"Don Antonio please," I said to the driver.

"Oh Miss, our car will not go straight there."

"What our other way?"

"How about Munoz? Do we have still a way to go there?" Marknell asked.

"Yes, it is still possible; it's just near from here."

"All right, that’s our way then, takes us to Monuz."

"I'll just go down."

Marknell held my hand. "Are you avoiding me because you are afraid to know the truth?"

I waved his hands and went to silence.

“Don't worry we are heading to our house, not on my own pad. We are not alone at home."

I sighed. What can I do? I shut my mouth until we reached their house.

"Come in quickly.” His mother looked at me. "Wait I thought you were Y-"

"Ma." Marknell interrupted what she was going to say. "She is our head, her name is Jhinkee."

"Good evening, sorry for the inconvenience.”

"Oh, there's no problem, you're welcome here, you're soaking wet, wait, and I’ll just get you some clothes for you."

"It is okay. I'll leave right away; I'm just letting the rain down."

"You can't move now, even if the rain stops it is hard for you to home because of the traffic. You can spend the night here." Then she left.

"Sit down first." Marknell handed me a towel. "I'm sorry," he added. I just let go of what was happening and rubbed my hair with a towel.

Her mother came down and handed me a dress.

"Thank you, oh please don't call me Ma'am, you can just call me Jhin."

She smiled at me and looked at Marknell. "Oh, what else are you doing? Go upstairs and get dressed."

Her mother accompanied me to the bathroom so I could get dressed. I blushed as I came out of the bathroom because I was shy of how I looked. It looks like I am 60 years old in the dress I am wearing because it is very colorful, the color of the sunflower printed on the dress is too bright.

"You look good." from above Mark descended.

"Wait I'll just prepare dinner." Then her mother left to the kitchen.

We sat quietly on their small sofa, the lightning outside getting louder and I tried not to cling to him. Then I remembered Jaybee, he might be worried about me now. My phone was about to drain so I immediately called him.

"Are you at home? The thunder and lightning are getting strong and louder. I know you are scared, where are you?"

I smiled. He always really eases my heart. "Don’t worry I’m fine. My cellphone is low in battery. You-" shut down.

I put my cellphone back in the bag. Marknell is still silent.

"I'm sorry Jhin, very sorry..."

Is he crying? Or he is just good at acting? Na, I doubt it. I keep on ignoring him until his mother was done preparing the dinner.

"Marknell, take care of Jhin first and help yourselves, I have prepared your dinner. Your sister called and was looking for me because Junji was crying."

"It is dangerous for you to leave the house, Ma." Marknell tried to stop her and so do I.

"He's right, it's raining hard and it's flooding outside. You should stay here."

She can't leave us.

"Oh, my daughter’s house is just around the corner." She smiled. "Feel at home." she took the umbrella and went out.

We looked at each other but I immediately averted my eyes.