Anger is my mask

*Yoongi pov

I am partially in control of my actions. Almost an entire bottle of whiskey in my stomach so far today, and no food. I think I'm doing pretty well considering. I am aware that I am staggering around, unsteady on my feet, and without question I am pissed off! I'm pissed off with everything and everyone. The more I think about things, the more I come to understand that I use anger to mask my insecurities and anxieties. Rather than admit I'm fallible, emotional and soft, in need of support and love, I created and now hide behind my Agust D persona. He is a tough guy, strong, together, confident, and capable. He doesn't need anyone else! I don't want to 'be' him because he has no soft side. I'd like to meld the two, myself and Agust D, into one kick arse all round great guy. I'm working on it.

I lurch into my bathroom, falling to my knees infront of the toilet and heave up the entirely liquid contents of my stomach. I hate being sick, but always feel so much better afterwards.

As I stand up to get in the shower I stumble and fall forward. There is a huge shattering sound, followed by what sounds like extremely heavy rain. I've just crashed headfirst into the shower door and the glass is falling all around me!

I end up on my stomach, torso inside the shower, legs outside. I shout out in shock and then begin to laugh. Jungkook and Tae find me bleeding and laughing hysterically, tears streaming from my eyes. I'm not sure if they are caused by physical or emotional pain!

"Come on hyung, we can help you shower. Namjoon said you might need a hand, and it looks like we are a few minutes too late. Let's take you into my bathroom and get you cleaned up" says Tae.

The two of them lift me up, an arm each around my back, my arms draped over their shoulders, and partly drag me to Taes room.

After laying me on his bed and taking off my clothes they again lift me and take me into the shower, washing my hair while I attempt to wash my body.

I feel stronger after vomitting and I swear if either of them even try to touch me below my navel I will swing for them.

Once they manage to get me out of the shower they cleanse my face and put antiseptic on my cuts knowing how important blemish free clear skin is to all of us for work, dry my hair and pick me out some comfortable clothes for travel. While Jungkook helps me dress Tae packs me a flight bag. Jimin appears in the doorway and is about to speak when I roar "What am I, hmmm?! A fucking zoo animal? A curiosity to be observed? Have none of you ever seen a drunk and heartbroken man before!??"

Poor Jimin drops his head and mutters "Namjoon asked me to let you know he has made you a light meal, and you need to hurry and eat it as your flight is leaving soon. I'm so sorry you are so heartbroken hyung. I'm sure there will be a simple explanation for 'Kenzie not being contactable. I really hope everything works out for you. You have been so happy since meeting her. You deserve real love. I wish you a happy ending Yoongi. I'm recording a solo track right now so have to leave to go to the studio. Be safe, but be fierce! 'Faint heart never won fair lady' Yoongi. I have faith all will be well. Safe travels" he says shyly, blows me a kiss and then walks away, leaving me feeling like an absolute bastard!

He has that effect on me. He is such a sensitive soul, so young at heart, almost childlike, and brilliant at making me feel like shit without any effort whatsoever!

"I am such a dick!" I grumble.

"Yes you are, but in this case we understand why and we forgive you Yoongi" Jungkook tells me, earning himself a slap on the back of the head.

I head carefully downstairs, leaning heavily on the banisters and make my way to the kitchen, finding Namjoon dishing up some noodles for me. I really can't face eating. Let's say I have an interesting relationship with food. I can eat like a horse when happy but really struggle when angry, stressed or worried. I have been hospitalised for weight management reasons twice since our debut. The fear of performing miniscule in comparison to being judged based on my looks and weight!

I know food might help me sober up, and I am getting on that plane come what may, so I force a few mouthfuls down, tasting nothing and feeling no better.

"Ok Buddy, time to fly" Namjoon tells me.

All the guys, with the exception of Jimin, wave us off, wishing us luck and a safe journey.