Chapter Three:

I wake up from the smell of eggs and bacon. I slowly open my eyes ad regret my decision instantly, because the sun light blinds me to pain. I groan and hiss a curse under my breath.

"Good afternoon to you too!" Zack's voice boomed from my kitchen.

One thing is for sure, maybe I made a mistake by giving him a spare key to my place. But at the same time someone is cooking me food. I should definitely stop complaining about half the things in my life.

I slowly get up from the couch and sit. I rub my sleepy eyes and yawn. Oh, how I wish it was Sunday morning, but unfortunately work days were passing slowly and for my worst luck, it's Tuesday afternoon. Sunday was my only day off and I wish it came sooner.

"Come on, your breakfast lunch is ready." Zack yelled from the small kitchen. "Your coffee is getting cold. Hurry up! Time is precious!" Don't I know that already?!

The smell of coffee lit up my mood. Coffee, the only thing that keeps me going, until is acceptable to drink alcohol. But usually I do that at the club with Brie or some of the guys who poor me glasses of champagne.

I slowly drag myself in the kitchen and kiss Zack on the cheek, before grabbing my coffee mug, then sit on my chair and sip from the holy liquid.

"How are you here?" I barely mumbled sleepily with a raspy voice and shitty mood.

"I texted you in the morning. Remember?"

"Oh, right." I mumbled and took another sip. "So why are you here?" he's never here on working days. He actually visits me on Sunday when I'm free from work.

"I took the day off." he explained shortly and put a full plate of food in front of me. "Dig in, sleeping beauty." he commanded and as the good girl I was sometimes, I listened to him and started eating. God, it tasted so good that made my eyes water.

"Thank you." I groaned in happiness, eyes closed and with a mouth full of food. It felt like dear heaven. "Now seriously, why are you here? You never come during the week."

"I have a few more meeting to attend to in the afternoon, that I hope will be eventful." he said and sipped from his coffee.

Something in his voice was off and I could feel it. You know that moment when you know someone so well and you know when he or she is hiding something or lying and you know that by the temper of their voice. This was me in this moment, wondering what the hell is happening inside my friend's head.

"Okay." I said and put my fork down. "What is going on?" I was fully awake now and half mad at him for hiding something that is clearly important.

He looks around the room a bit uncomfortable, then he looks at me with such seriousness that made my blood freeze and cold chills run down my spine.

"I have a few meetings with some college counselors." he mumbled not daring to look at me in the eyes.

"What for?" I asked innocently, but then the metaphoric light bulb inside my head lit up with the realization. "What the fuck were you thinking?! What the hell, bro?!" I yelled at him with pure anger building inside of me.

"You can't live like this for forever, Jackie."

"So you decided for me and did that behind my back? Have you considered the thought that maybe I don't want to deal with college anymore?"

"And be a stripper for another four years? For how long? And when you lose your job, then what? You can't live like this. I know you!"

He knew me so damn well and I couldn't deny that. He knew the dreams I wanted to achieve and he supported me since the day we met. Getting kicked out of Harvard killed me, not being able to graduate was a living nightmare. He knew I struggled mentally. But who he was to decide something so serious without my concern or permission? And what kind of respected college would get me as a student? I am a stripper who got kicked out because of some bad shit she did.

"I'm a stripper for crying out loud, Zack!" I yelled at him.

"Come on, you're smart. You can't let education slip through your fingers that easily because that."

"No college with science program would let a stripper graduate it." I explained and I think pointing the facts about my current job are enough.

"Duke's counselor said it's fine. He looked through your grades in high school diploma and the grades you got from Harvard. He's okay with your past, but only if you let the stripping there too."

Ah, there was that little red flag. I needed to have a job so I could support myself. I went on a few other job interviews , but they turned me down the second they found out I was a stripper and what I was doing for a living. One of the women who interviewed me stared at me with her eyes wide open, because she couldn't believe what I was telling her. Things were out of control in my life. Plus, if I ever get to college, I'm gonna need money to pay the college taxes.

"So I have to quit my job? The only job that feeds me? No way. I'm not okay with this." I said with seriousness. I took a deep breath and released it slowly and heavily. "You can't do such things behind my back, Zack. You can't decide for me."

"Yes, I can when I see you struggling like that. You are, Jackie and I wish you could see it. I wish you could see how much you miss on life with this job of yours. And the worst part is not your struggle, it's the part that you're drowning." his words hit something inside me, something that unlocked the pain I hit deep inside my heart. "You can't shut out everything and everyone. I know that you're going through a lot, you deny it, but I know the truth."

"Zack..."

"I can't watch you like this anymore, you try to suppress pain that one day is going to come out and destroy you. Try to come back to your previous rhythm." he put his hand on mine and squeezed it. "Listen, I have a few more counselors to meet today and if something better than Duke comes out I'll tell you. But you really need a college degree."

"And if somehow by any miracle I get accepted, who's going to pay for it? Huh? I need money to pay for that. By so far the money from my job go for the rent, food, things I need. I know I saved a lot, but it won't be enough for four years."

"Then move in with me so you don't have to pay for the rent." he suggested, but I didn't want that. I knew him damn well to know he still loves me and will expect more than sex from me. And that is the last thing I have the energy to deal with. Of course I care about him, I really do and I love him dearly, but not in the way to be in a romantic relationship with him.

"You know I can't do that and you know why." I told him with my most calm voice. "I love you, Zack, but not the way you want me to. I don't want to make you feel bad about something I can't give to you. You deserve something more than a stripper. You deserve to be with someone who['s going to give you all her love to you, someone who's going to give you family. I know I'm not that person. Don't you think I don't feel shame because of my job? I can't have a kid and hide such thing from him or her."

"Jackie, please understand the fact that I care about you. I really do." this conversation was getting on my nerves. I heard him the first time he told me he cared about me. "This has nothing to do with sex or romance. I know that you care about me too and want all the best for me. Please know that I want the best for you too. Just let me this time, only this time to help you." he begged me with such care in his eyes, that I couldn't say no to him. All my life I denied the help from the people around me. I always did the things my way. But this time I knew I couldn't do this on my own. I was defeated and he knew it too.

"Okay, but just this time and under one condition." I said with a warm smile on my face. He smiled at me back at the same way and raised an eyebrow playfully. "I don't get to quit my job. At least not yet."