Coming Undone

Cathy's eyes flutter open. The blur of the brown corridor tiles is the first thing that comes to sight. Her throat is dry and her eyes are puffy.

It is in the first few seconds of wakefulness that her mind bears no recollections and no memory. No memory of the pain nor the events that led her to this point. No memory to provide a clear explanation of why she finds herself waking up on cold tiled floors.

Like an unblurring camera lens, she fully regains her vision and with that, everything rushes back to her.

She has been blacked out on the hotel corridor floor for two hours. She cannot believe that she lay there for two hours straight without anyone waking her or showing any concern but she doesn't care as she slowly wipes her face and plods away to her hotel room.

Everything is in its place except for Nathan. A tear rolls down her cheek as she makes her way to the open window with the now subsided but still chilly wind blowing inside. She closes the window and the curtains stop swinging as she takes in the view that's in front of her. Sun has turned into moon, reflecting itself over the ocean and yielding very little light. Calm waves have acquired a rage about them with looming dark clouds for company.

Just like the state of her life, everything has changed overnight, she thinks. Instead of the sunshine that she enjoyed eight hours ago, glowing brighter and blinding her in love, it has dimmed, darkened, and gloomed into disarray, doubt, and despair.

Cathy still does not know what to make of what she saw on the footage at the police station. She is confused, torn, lost but only sure of one thing. Sure of their love. Despite it looking like the love of her life abandoned her to be with another woman, something inside of herself refuses to believe it. She knows that Nathan loves her. She knows, with a bone-thick certainty that their love is real.

Their love is real and has been tested - by the horror of Cincinnati three years ago and her addiction troubles which were a result of that. Cathy knows that when love has been tested as theirs had been, nothing can break it. She knows that Nathan couldn't possibly have run off or been with another woman after all they had been through.

She looks away from the window and looks down longingly towards Nathan's suitcase against the wall. They both had not even had the chance to unpack because they headed to the beach right away. Cathy suddenly remembers how excited Nathan was when they finally arrived at the hotel. He couldn't stop gushing on about how beaches in Sicily had something special about them that no other beaches had. She remembers how in a whoop of excitement, he flipped her on his back and ran off towards the beach; - and then, she remembers the kiss and how he looked into her eyes and told her he loved her.

More tears stream down her face as she sniffles, feeling herself coming down with a cold. It is a kind of cold that comes from being removed from the warmth of a loved one.

She trudges towards the telephone on the dresser. It is seven o clock back home in Frankfort, Kentucky and she had not told anyone about Nathan's disappearance.

Feeling faint and beat down, she decides to call her mother, her one source of strength.

The phone rings. "Hello," Answers her mother. Hearing her mother's soothing voice causes her to break down and tears escape her face once again.

"Hi, uhm. Mom..." Cathy responds but the sound of weeping devours her words

"Catherine?" Her mom responds, her voice more soothing than ever. "Catherine is that you?"

"Yes, mom. It's me" Cathy responds, with her mother's soothing voice causing more tears to flood her face.

"Catherine, what's wrong dear?" she asks

"It's, it's.." Once again, the sound of weeping devours her speech.

"Catherine dear, calm down and tell me, dear. What is it?" Cathy's mom is concerned as all she can hear on the other end of the call are high-pitched gasps "Do you remember the breathing exercises we used to do before your hockey games when you used to have performance anxiety?"

"Yes mom" she quickly replies in between gasps

"Let's do that my baby" she suggests "Breathe in and one two three, breathe out. In again, one, two three. And breathe out. Stay calm and listen to the three most distinct sounds around you"

Cathy does as instructed and the breathing exercises calm her down "Yes mom, I can hear the sound of the ocean, the sound of people in the far corridor, and the movement of cars"

"Good" she replies "Do you feel better now baby?"

"Yes, mom" Cathy answers with her voice shaking "It's Nathan, mom-"

Suddenly, her mother's voice stiffens "That bastard, what has he done this time? The number of times that man has hurt you, Catherine, It's just like Cinc..."

"He's missing mom" blurts out Cathy. She feels furious that her mom has such a low opinion of Nathan but she knows that that's what matters the least at the moment.

"What? How long? What happened Catherine? Have you told the police? The embassy?" She asks as her voice spikes up.

"We were on the beach and he left to organize us a bonfire on the beach and he never returned," answers Cathy with her voice still shaking

"Oh, I'm so sorry my baby. But please tell me if there is anything that I can do" she says as her voice recedes and smooths over "Did you go to the police or the U.S embassy and what do they say?"

"Mom," Cathy's voice shakes again "The police officer showed me a video footage of Nathan leaving the hotel room with another woman"

"What!?" She says as her voice stiffens again "Catherine..."

"No, I know Nathan loves me! He wouldn't mom. He wouldn't! What we have is real and I don't care about the footage" Cathy blurts out again in hysteria

"Catherine, you have to see what's in front of your eyes baby, not what you want to see" Her heart breaks for Cathy as she feels a great deal of sympathy for her. She feels a tear fall down her cheek but quickly rubs it away, choosing to be strong for Cathy.

"You know what, I didn't want to say it a couple of seconds ago until now. You never liked Nathan, that's your problem!" proclaims an angry Cathy with a tightness in her voice

"No baby, it's not like that" she argues back with her soothing voice "I love you and want you to be happy, baby. I just have my doubts like any mother would."

"Okay," she replies, her voice still containing a residue of anger.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passes. Cathy looks around her hotel room then settles her left hand on the phone dial pad preparing to hang up. The silence is suddenly filled as her mother's soothing voice softly rings up her ear once again.

"Do you remember when you were ten years old and misplaced your dog, Puddles, at that beach house we were staying at in California?"

"Yeah mom" Cathy responds with a slight tearful chuckle "And you made me ask for help from the lifeguard all by myself - he was a big imposing guy"

"Yes" confirms her mother "And this is just like that situation, you need to go to the embassy baby. They will help you find Nathan and come to a clear conclusion of what happened"

"I will, thanks mom," says Cathy.

"Cathy, baby. I want to ask you something" says her mother with a cautious tone in her voice

"Yes mom"

"Have you thought about the possibility that Nathan is not exactly missing? That things are the way they seem?" examines her mother

"No mother!" exclaims an exasperated Cathy

"Okay, okay. I just had to ask you that" She says as she quickly retracts "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"

"Yes!" responds Cathy with a tiny bit of resurgence in her voice "Would you please call Nathan's mother and the rest of the family for me?"

"I'll do that. Stay strong my baby, okay?"

"Yes mom, I will. I love you"

"I love you too"

She hangs up then momentarily thinks about what her mother said about things being exactly what they seem. She then immediately rids herself of those thoughts.

She feels determined to find Nathan, determined to be strong for him.

She knows and feels that he is in trouble. It is not the first time she has had this feeling concerning Nathan. It is the same feeling she had when the horror of Cincinnati struck three years ago. The same feeling she had right before she found him lying in a pool of his blood with two gunshot wounds to the head.