"Tohru-kun you aren't feeling well at all today, are you?"
"Huh?"
A surprised gasp was all I managed from Rin's frank question.
"No, I think it's about 36.5 degrees right now. I think I'm alright."
"What temperature are you talking about?"
"But it was definitely over 40 when I was staring at you."
"Ahh..."
Rin finally draws away from me probably from shock.
"Pl-please stop saying weird things. You always become so weird after your post-eating drowsiness. What are you, some idiot?"
"Seems like you're feeling alright today too, Rin."
"Well of course I'm fine. Anyways, what's going on?"
"What...?"
What exactly is going on? Well, she does have a point, compared to my usual, I feel a bit lost.
"You won't be able to deceive me."
Rin stares at me with intense eyes.
"Your voice is a lot more shaky than usual. Your weird remarks lately have been pretty forced too."
"My remarks have always been off-kilter."
"Well, anyway..."
The atmosphere has become tense, all thanks to Rin's direct statement.
"You know, I'm worried about you. If you have any worries, you can talk about it with me."
She is worried about me. The thought of that makes me happy beyond belief.
"Hmm, maybe..."
All of a sudden, Rin clenches her fists and opens her mouth.
"Is it related to your novel?"
With her words, it feels as if a stark cold hand has grabbed a hold of my heart. Rin's beautiful face looks so full of conviction.
"Heh, nothing can get past you Rin."
"Well, of course."
"Of course... well, no shit."
"Don't think you can one-up me."
Her lips begin to loosen up. She looks so proud for some reason. I guess I have no means of escape. Feels similar to when my mom called me out for hiding my report card and I had to tell her the truth.
"You know, this morning was the first time in 5 years that I didn't upload a new chapter."
"Why exactly?"
"Well, there's a reader that I've been having a complicated relationship with recently."
"Complicated relationship?"
Her eyes are drilling holes right into me. Well, that's to be expected. Rin doesn't read my work, so of course, she wouldn't understand. The details, especially regarding the whole childhood friend revenge genre, I'm sure that can be easily explained.
"For the past five years, this reader has also been reading the newest chapters pretty much the moment they release. And he always makes sure to leave a comment after each chapter."
"Alright, and?"
"Well, yesterday, he commented on one of my tweets for the first time and I just took off."
"So you pretty much gave a shitty reply then."
"What do you mean shitty reply?"
"Well, if you want a definition, basically a waste of time. Basically, your comment gave them the chills."
"Yeah, I guess that's how it went down."
"Well, being self-aware is the first step."
"Huh?"
"Now that you're aware, what will you do?"
"Well, he has been with me for five years, he's basically my number one fan. Ignoring him will be a betrayal at this point."
"So it's your self-hatred and remorse that's stopping you from releasing the next chapter?"
"Yep, you understand me so well Rin."
"And you're scared that person won't leave a comment ever again."
"Holy shit, it's like you know everything."
"Well, yeah. I'm your childhood friend."
Cocky as ever, Rin puffs out her chest. Rin was able to exorcise all these murky feelings within me.
"I owe that person a lot. Every morning I would wake up early to write my next chapter. Without him, I definitely wouldn't have done that."
I let my emotions and thoughts regarding Nira-san boil over.
"You know, I was scared shitless. What if he never left a comment again? That would have shattered me. He is definitely one of the few people that has left a huge impact on me."
I was too busy finding the words to speak that I didn't notice Rin's face then, her expression of joy. After bearing my soul, I let out a breath. I see Rin excitedly open her mouth.
"I think you'll be alright."
Her words seem so full of conviction.
"That person has been following you for five years already and has been constantly writing comments for each chapter. Without a doubt, they are one of your big fans. One bad comment definitely won't sour them away from the work they've been reading for five years. Think about it."
Rin takes a short breath and continues.
"I'm sure that person was sad to find out that you didn't post a chapter today. Maybe they were thinking it was their fault. Imagine how worried they must be."
I can see Rin's fist getting tighter, her knuckles turning white. Rin must really empathize with Nira-san's current situation.
"I think the right thing to do right now Tohru-Kun is to write a new chapter right now."
Her words feel so persuasive. It's almost like she's speaking on Nira-san's behalf. After hearing her speech, maybe, no, I for sure know that I've calmed down,
"Besides..."
Rin is pointing her index finger at me like I'm a kindergartner who misbehaved.
"That person isn't your only reader. You have lots of other fans who read your work too! You want to disappoint them too?"
I'm in a state of shock. I was too lost with Nira-san, that I completely forgot about everyone else.
"That's why you should write a new chapter right now, for those people too!"
Rin has a point. There are plenty of other people besides Nira-san who bookmarked my work, left comments, and are waiting for the next chapter.
"Thanks, Rin, I was really clouding my vision before."
"Well now that you realize it, it's all good."
Rin narrows her eyes and her mouth makes a small smile.
"Your weird lack of self-confidence during times like these is so much like you."
"Definitely.... my self-worth is pretty low, not gonna lie."
"Haha, don't worry I know. I'm your childhood friend after all. Anyways, what the heck?"
That strength is back in her voice.
"You said you wanted to be an author yeah? If so, you don't have time to just stop like that. Remember what you told me then? There's no way that you forgot that."
Ah, that's right.
I made a promise to her.
When I become an author, Rin will be the first one to read my book.
Yeah... a promise!
"Alright!"
There's no time to spare, I can't bother worrying about trivial stuff anymore.
"I feel a lot better now. Rin, I'll post that new chapter as soon as possible! As long as Nira-san and everyone else who reads my work is still with me, I can't stop at all. They are my foundation. And most importantly, for Rin's sake, I'll continue writing. I'll spark joy within Rin through my writing.
"Yeah, that's the spirit!"
Lately, Rin has been happy a lot, her face beaming. I'm so in love with her, I want to hug her cute face.
"Thank you, Rin."
"Your welcome."
Feelings of gratitude, feelings of love, I couldn't contain myself anymore and I started to stroke Rin's face again. I feel something similar to sand dunes. A sweet and pleasant aroma drifts into my nose. The wind blowing from the open window blows her hair every which way. My confusion led me to do this again. I'm sure she'll yell at me again for being gross and whatnot. Or that's what I thought. However, Rin seems to be enjoying my rubbing.
"Mmm..."
Her voice sounds quite sexy. Her facial expression looks like that of a child falling asleep on a terrace from the cool breeze. Rin slowly closes her eyes and, like a cute kitten, starts purring. I've never seen Rin like this before. Usually, she's so brisk and irritated, but now she's acting so spoiled.
"You aren't angry?"
"I'm feeling great right now, so you could say I'm in a special mood."
"Well, this is a unique opportunity."
"I'll be mad if you toe the line though."
"Haha, sorry in advance. I'll try to restrain myself."
"Hehe, sounds good."
A beautiful smile appears on her face ever so gently. My heart starts to beat even faster, but I continue stroking her face for a little while longer.
For what seemed like an eternity, we became enraptured in this warm and comfortable embrace. When the five-minute warning bell started to ring, we both came to our senses. Both of us blushed and started to talk about other things.
____________________
After lunch break ended, I headed back to my class.
Ping
I hear the notification sound on my phone, and I look at the display.
Nira-san replied to your tweet
My eyes jump out and I immediately click on the notification.
"I'll always be looking forward to your next chapter!"
You sure are amazing Rin.
After school, as a sign of my gratitude, I'll release two chapters, which include the one I worked on before. I have no more regrets, my broken mentality has been remade anew.