Life goes on...eventually

It’s been two months and days seem to move faster. I took leave and left for Britain. I needed to be on my own for a while. Ben left me his dog, Max. I loved Max but I just couldn’t provide for him especially since I am taking care of snowy.

Snowball is my upstairs neighbor's black cat that was always at my apartment. So I leave a window open for him to leave and enter through the fire escape. Max was adopted by my brothers and he is happy. I disobey Ben’s dying wish but he knew very well I had snowball and I will still be able to look after him if he is at my brother's house.

Jessie and I parted ways. She got half a million from Ben or so she told me but the best thing I got was our memories. Ben kept a journal and I found out his true feeling for me. I was sad, maybe heartbroken that he left me…but knowing he is in a better place, makes it better.

Touring Britain gave me a fresh perspective on life and of Mr. Black. When Ben died, I forgot about Mr. Black and although I should forget all about him, I couldn't. I haven’t figured him out but I believe he wants something and he believes he found it within me. I don’t know what it is but what I do know is that my body…my soul craves him and that’s a dangerous game.

“Sorry, Miss. Do you mind taking the window seat? I am not good with heights.”

I turned my head to look into the blue eyes of a young British man. I smiled at him. “I’m sorry but I can’t stand heights and by the time this plane takes off, I’ll be in dreamland.”

He sighs and took the seat. “I hate flying.” He mumbled.

“I’m Rose.” I extended a hand.

“Harry.” he shook it.

“So Harry, for the few minutes I have to spare, Why America?” I questioned.

Arriving in the UK was fun and all but it was their accent and change of English I had to familiarize myself with it and it was a pain. After a few days in London, I got a hang of it. Manchester was also a difficult strike for me but eventually, I enjoy my time. I spent the last few days in London, doing sightseeing. Two days left in my leave before heading back to reality.

“We having a family reunion in the USA.” he looked at me and smiled. “This is why I hated my family, they have this obsession with America and it’s people.”

I giggled. “Well I have lived in big cities my entire life,I can personally tell you, America is great when it comes to food but politics? We are just…bad.”

He laughed. “Do you mind sharing one of those tablets with me?”

“Sure.” I took one out of my carrier bag. “Enjoy the flight.”

*

All passengers for flight 369 can now board.

I hated airports. Waiting for your bag and all those little things, it irritated me to the bone. Why can’t we just get off the plane and go where we want to go? Now we still have to go through customs after a long flight.

I got a cab and went straight home. I had things deliver for me, from all over Britain. I plan on taking a long bath and then start packing out. I left everyone a note saying they won’t be able to contact me for two months and it pissed Candice off. She phoned each day at the same time and left a voicemail, to which my voicemail box eventually filled up.

Mr. Black sent one message. A message which stayed with me through my entire journey. Your mine, Princess. I was surprised he even sent something and I was more surprised that his message held so much power. Mr. Black was a mystery of his own. My brothers supported me, my sister said I should face my problems. instead of running away. The twins were angry and Allie was…well, she was her normal self. She didn’t care as long as it didn’t impact her.

I entered the apartment block. “Ms. Rose. You back.” One of the guards said.

Freddie was here when I first moved in and has been looking after me ever since. He is a kind old man with a beautiful family. “Yep, How’s maria?”

“She’s fine. I’m sorry about your friend, little lady.”

“Thank you, Fred.” I smiled at him. “Do you mind helping me with my bags? I’ll just take the mail and be right after you.”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to ask because he knew I need time. I left because I wasn’t ready for the looks of pity, the apologies, the condolences. I wasn't ready for any of it and now, being back here brought memories and feelings I want to suppress.

I took my mail and headed for the stairs. I wanted a bit of peace before I headed on with life. Freddie stood in front of my door and he gave me a nod and left. I dropped my bags inside and headed to my next-door neighbor for my deliveries.

“My husband already stored them in your apartment.” She said. “Candice helped.”

True to her word. Boxes were stacked up closer to the balcony door. I loved being at home. I ran my bath and relaxed. Home…where the heart is, right? Well, I couldn’t agree more. Being in my own space and having that feeling of home is the best comfort I had since…since the accident.

Ben was declared dead at the scene. A Car accident and a robbery gone wrong. I was told that is was a smash and grab and Ben got away but the loss of blood made him lose control and drive to his death.

Its kind of depressing, me sitting in a dark room with candlelight being my only source of light but it wasn’t. Anyone who knew me, knows I love darkness, blackness, anything to do with internal darkness. My entire apartment was black. It took me and my brothers a week to find the right designer. I had no color in my life. My electrical appliances were black, everything and it was absolutely beautiful when nightfall came. I made sure my apartment had enough natural lightning to contrast against the blackness, it carries.

I loved my home, I loved the emptiness. I loved being alone and if that makes me a depressed person then so be it. I grew up alone, although I had my brothers and my sister, they had their own lives to live. My brothers dropped out of school to provide for us. My sister finished but took a different path, a path that needed her attention.

My brothers were my father and my sister was my mother. We were a completely broken family, we were whole but broken at the same time. I got out of the bath and dressed me in gray sweatpants and a matching sports bra. The bath did me good. I felt anew and refreshed.

Meow!

“Snowy,Love,” I spoke to snowball and he just gave me a look. “Please, don’t give me that look. You know I had to go away.” I tired my hair in a bun. “It's not like I left you unfeed.” I walked towards my kitchen and he followed. He jumped on to the counter. “Please snowy, I made sure to message Candice about the window.”

“But I needed you.” I imitated my cat's voice.

“I know, I know.” I sigh. “Ben took a lot from me and I needed to heal, you know, on my own.”

Meow

“Thank you for understanding.” I smiled at him.

“Still talking to yourself.”

“Jesus!” I exclaim. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, Candice.” I held a hand over my heart.

“Good,” she said and went to go get a drink. A beer to be specific. “I looked after that hairball, you call pet. I clean and I stayed your friend.”

“Candy -”

“No, Rosella. You lost the advantage to call me that. When I lost someone, you were there, I pushed you away but you stuck to me. I phoned every day, six times but did you answer one? No.”

“Candice…”

“What? You needed time to recover? I lost a friend, two friends. One is dead and one left me on my own. Allie has news, the twin has a boyfriend and I realized…I can’t trust you. Two weeks, okay but two months, two months, Rose. I wanted to support you, I wanted to be there but you..shut me out and it hurt to know that you chose strangers over me, I would have gone with you to Britain, I would do anything to make you smile but you chose to not care.” she sighs. “Call me when you ready to talk. I’ll come but don’t expect me to forgive you, Rose. This time…” She didn’t finish. She left.

I never thought about anyone else. I was selfish enough to only care about me but not once did I stop to think that Candice and the rest lost a close friend. That his family was grieving with me. Not once did I think that my friends needed my support as much as I needed theirs. For once, Candice did the right thing and that was not giving up on me. She refused to listen to her self control and what happened? I broke her while she was broken.

Some friend I am. I put my needs over hers and after everything, after she chose me over her flesh and blood, I stab her behind her back. And this time, I am alone, not by force but by my own stupidity.