Chapter 16: Lily Blooms

May

One morning in early May, Lily woke up to an un-welcomed surprise. She opened her eyes and was immediately distracted by sharp, stabbing pains pulsating through her lower abdomen. She lay for a moment, but grimaced when she slowly sat up, clutching her stomach. She slowly pulled her covers back and looked down, hoping she was wrong, hoping it wasn't what she assumed it was.

It can't be. No...

She groaned in discomfort and flopped back down on her bed, disappointed.

Lily didn't have an issue with mensuration itself; she knew it would happen. The issue was her brand-new ability to have children.

She sat back up in a start, now panicked. An ability to become pregnant meant only one thing: forced marriage.

Not only would her mother be thrilled with the news, it was actually something she'd asked Lily about. Only once or twice, in the appropriate setting, of course. "Something a proper woman would never mention around men."

She assured Lily that she was concerned for her health. That may have been true, but there was still her ulterior motive--orchestrating a financially gainful marriage.

Just like Will's arrangement with Sarah, it would be an emotionless matter of business, money and legacy. She would happily fling her daughter in the direction of a total stranger for the sake of prosperity. Her lone defense against this push was hiding her new secret.

As these thoughts flooded her mind, a shot of panic coursed through her. She left her bed and anxiously looked about, confirming that both Mary and Elizabeth had already gone downstairs.

"Thank God they're not here." She whispered, grabbing her silk bathrobe and wrapping it around her body.

She quickly swept her hair back and dashed into the hall, notifying a servant.

"Marcus! Get a girl up here now!" She paused, not wanting to seem rude. "Please."

"Yes Miss. Right away." He stopped his current task and left to seek help.

A moment later, Lily's usual attendant Missy came upstairs and found her in a panicked frenzy. She'd stripped the top sheet off her bed and was halfway done removing the next. Her blankets and pillows lay in a jumble on the floor.

"Take these." She hurriedly said, almost shoving the sheets to her. "Wash them straight away if you can, please."

"What happened? Are you feeling alright, Miss?"

"I--I..." She faltered. She sank down on her unmade bed, hating this morning already.

She stared at her lap, fussing with the belt of her blue floral robe. "My sheets this morning...were...um..."

Missy looked closer at the wrinkled bundle of sheets in her arms. Yes, there were red stains, currently ruining

Lily's white sheets and potential freedom.

"Oh..." She looked back up at Lily who was almost crying.

"Just-" She took a deep shuddering breath as she arose from her bed, begging for mercy with her eyes. "--just one thing, please? Don't let my mother know. This would not do me any good."

"Of course, Miss. Not my place. You'll be fine; I'm sure of it."

Missy looked at her earnestly, wishing she could help. She set down the sheets, and Lily found herself wrapped in careful arms, a slim body clutching her as though she wanted to protect her.

They had always gotten along well. The slightly older girl was as sensible and easygoing as Lily was. At seventeen, she was old enough to give a more mature perspective, but young enough to still relate to. Will was close to her age, but obviously would never experience this.

She wiped away a few tears with her palm; hating herself for being an emotional mess. "Can you—help me with that corset there, please?"

"Of course, Miss."

Lily frowned and nearly gritted her teeth as she stood before her mirror. She could barely hide her growing body anymore. Even in her loose shift, the change in her figure was apparent. The light pink corset had been made just last summer, and she hadn't worn it since September. She hoped it would still fit.

She enjoyed the smooth satin lining as Missy wrapped it around her, but soon felt the firm shape awkwardly push against her curves.

"Ow! Could you—can the laces open the back a bit more? It's too tight." The squeezing sensation almost made her dizzy.

Try as Missy might to fuss with the laces and pull them apart to make the top wider, nothing worked. Lily's head began to pound. What was all this?

"I'm sorry Miss." The attendant replied with a sigh, hands falling to her sides. "You may need a new one."

"All right, thank you." Lily replied as nicely as she could. She was distracted by her emotions switching between rage and despair at a dizzying pace.

After Missy disappeared down the stairs clutching her secret, Lily grabbed her dress off the rack in her wardrobe. The too-tight bindings made even simple tasks add to the pain radiating through her abdomen. She tried to ignore it, pulling her dress over the corset and feeling no physical relief, in or outside of her body.

Would she have to endure this feeling all day?

She brushed and pinned up her hair and hurried down the stairs. She knew breakfast would be waiting and couldn't risk anything seeming out of the ordinary. After she took her place at the table, she tugged at her corset again to realign it. She looked about, hoping no one would notice. She poured herself a glass of milk and drank from it, hoping to still appear inconspicuous.

However, her mother saw the panicked look on her daughter's face. "Are you all right, darling?" She asked, staring at her in concern.

"Fine, thank you. Woke up a bit late." Her eyes left her mother and rested on the food before her. She added a couple hard-boiled eggs to her plate, then peeled off a few slices of ham. She resolved to speak as little as possible. Hiding her new secret was a lot harder than she thought it would be.

~*~

In fact, a few hours later, she realised she couldn't hold back such important, albeit personal, news any longer. She had to tell someone. As much as she wished there were a woman to talk to about it, her choices were limited. Obviously, Mary and Elizabeth were far too young to understand. Missy already knew and her mother was the one person who couldn't know. If her governess Violet knew, since she was employed by her parents, she would be obligated to tell her mother.

So her only choices left were Will and Uncle Deus. Talking about this with her uncle seemed vastly uncomfortable, so she chose to seek out Will. At least they were closer in age. She was nervous as she approached him the Drawing room. The physical pains she'd been enduring all day added to the nervous, tight feeling in the pit of her stomach.

I have to do this...I have to tell someone...

"Will," Lily said, nervously wringing her hands as she slowly approached him. "I really have to talk to you."

"All--all right." He said, puzzled. Lily rarely looked this serious, so he followed as she led him down the hall. When they reached the kitchen, she grabbed his arm and dragged him into a tiny room off the side and hurriedly closed the door.

"I have a problem." She looked around cautiously, as though it were possible anyone else could see them.

"A problem which apparently requires us to hide in the..." his eyes scanned the small room, confused as to why Lily chose to be surrounded by cooking supplies. "...kitchen pantry. Go on..."

"A problem which requires privacy." She snapped, glaring at him.

She stopped herself when she saw Will's bewildered stare.

"Sorry." She sighed, shifting her weight. "Haven't been having a particularly good day."

"What's wrong, Lily-pad?" He asked, searching her face for answers.

"Well," She gulped, nervous. "You know how Mother and Father are so excited to marry you off?"

"Yes."

She folded her arms across her chest and sighed again. "Looks like I'm next."

"How can you know?"

"Oh, God...." She put one hand on her hip, and another on her face as she tried to find the most proper way to explain this awkward situation.

"Well, um....why do you think most women get married?"

"Well, hopefully for love."

"No--ugh--" She rolled her eyes. "Why else?"

"Well, it can mean money..." Will had no clue where she was going with this.

"I meant-what usually happens after a woman gets married....it's mostly likely that she and her husband would have their first..." She stared at him expectantly.

"That she and her husband would have their first—oh. Their first child. But how does that..."

"I can have children now! So of course, I need a husband." She shook her head and sighed again.

"You--can have..." Will's eyes widened when he realised what she meant and a wave of discomfort washed over him. He even took a step back. He was vaguely aware this would happen to her at some point, but that was all.

He held his hands up in apprehension, creating space between them. This was not something he was expecting. "Lily, I love you, but I don't know anything about this. I—" his hands fell to his sides. "I don't think I can really help you."

She looked disappointed but nodded. Will was right. But she still needed a plan.

"Fair enough, but my main concern is that if mother and father know about this, I might get married before you do. They can't find out! I mean, I do want to marry someday. But I want to choose the man I spend my life with. He'd be someone who appreciates my mind, and wants me to work. Maybe even work together, not just be a perfect little wife. But they just want me to marry the highest bidder! What should I do?" She looked at her brother hopelessly, her voice thinned with anxiety.

"It's all right; I'll keep your secret, I will." She once again found herself in a tight, comforting embrace. She pressed into him, turning away from everything else in her life she hated dealing with. They broke their hug, but Lily still felt insecure, and desperately wishing someone else could help.

"But mother's bound to notice something." She insisted, shaking her head again. "My--my corsets don't fit, my head is pounding, and I've cried three times today. Three! That's more than I've cried in the past year."

She started weeping, and Will stared awkwardly, totally unprepared. His sister had never been this emotional before.

"It--it's all right." He soothed, hugging her again, stroking her back. "You're going to be fine."

"But I--" she sobbed, "I'm--too-" she mumbled something Will couldn't decipher.

"You're what?" He asked, stepping back to hear her clearly.

"I'm too smart to be this emotional!" She wailed, clinging to Will again.

Will tried very hard to not laugh but grinned despite himself. Luckily, she didn't see his amused expression. He just held her, patiently waiting for her to calm down.

He then stood back and placed his hands on her shoulders, relieved as he'd just made a brilliant plan.

"I've got it! Distract mother. Your corsets don't fit? Tell her you want all new clothes just to impress boys. Make anything up. Act like you'd love it. Mother would be too busy fussing over how it looks than noticing how it fits."

"Thank you! That sounds better. That way we both get what we want. My clothes won't hurt and she'll be

satisfied." Lily was so relieved. She knew her brother would think of something.

She paused, shaking her head, her speech fragmented by embarrassment. "Sorry I was so...um..."

"It's all right." They hugged again, and he felt closer to her; she was changing as fast as he was, and faced just as many obstacles.

"I--I have to go; Violet will be here soon. Thanks Will."

She quickly kissed his cheek, turned, and left.

~*~

It was less than twenty minutes later when Violet had made herself comfortable in the living room, waiting for Lily. She had a thin frame and sported wiry black hair in a neat bun. Her thick spectacles and rather plain looks matched her no-nonsense demeanor. She was in her mid-thirties, and didn't have much in common with her charge.

"Are you feeling all right, Miss?" Violet asked with concern as she followed Lily to her seat at the desk in the Music room. "You look a bit pale."

"Just a headache; I'll be fine. Thank you."

"How has your sampler gone?"

"Oh...not well " She reached into her satchel and produced her sampler. A square of crumpled light beige cloth muddled by several pink strings of thread sticking out of it. The thread was poorly sewn, bunching up the fabric, pulled-out stitches were missing the marked spaces and skipping rows.

"I--I haven't got the hands for it." She admitted sheepishly, pulling on the disorganised threads before her.

"You need patience, my dear." Violet encouraged. "A stitch in time saves nine, you know."

Lily stared at the sampler and wished there was some way, any way, to make this nonsense ladylike task even remotely interesting. What did she have to do, count her stitches?

"Isn't there anything else to try?" She asked, twisting at her messy sampler. "I think I've done better with my music lately."

"Perhaps. You've been practicing, then?"

"Yes, and I think I'm getting better." She now sat at their harpsichord, eager to show off. The white keys were delicate, sending out a light twinkly sound.

"You have improved." Violet agreed, smiling as she watched Lily play. "You see what patience and practice gets you?"

~*~

Meanwhile, Will was relaxing in his room, writing again.

7 May 1666

Half-Past Three in the After-noon

Oh, poor Lily! She came to me today, upset and acting oddly. She's unhappy with recent changes she's enduring, I believe the medical term is 'menses'. She's especially worried because Mother will sell her like a cow as soon as she knows she can carry a baby. Another reason to re-sent their secret agendas. I will keep her secret, and defend her if needed! Our parents greed is delaying our in-dividual happiness, but at least it brings us closer together. I am thank-full that our relation has stayed goode even with all the changes we both face. Lily and I have always been friends, and I know growing up isn't easy for her. My sweet Lily-pad, practically a woman now! I just want her to be happy.

~*~

That evening, Lily used Will's suggestion and Margaret was more than happy to lavish her daughter, especially in the hopes of a new prospect. She was pleased that Lily had started to recognise how important looking the part was for future courting.

A few days later, Lily was very nervous about her mother questioning her. So she conveniently had Missy with them as she was re-measured and picked out material, colours, and adornments of ribbons and lace for new corsets and dresses. She started with a lighthearted conversation.

"Spring is the perfect time for new clothes, isn't it, mother?"

"Of course. Well, you have grown some." Margaret observed, walking up to Lily's bed, covered in dozens of samples. "I'm sure it won't be too difficult for the tailor. Which colour were you thinking of?"

Lily surveyed the assortment of fabric, lace and ribbons spread before her. She picked up a square of silk. "I like this cream colour for a light corset; probably with those green ribbons. Perhaps an extra set of pink ribbons to change out. Shall I have another corset for special occasions?"

"That shouldn't be a problem. Although," Margaret continued, gently running a finger down the laces of her current corset to observe the ill fit, "with the need of three extra inches you have yet to start your monthly courses?" The question she was dreading didn't take long to arise.

Suddenly, she wasn't just dreading this. She also wanted to tell her. Her mother, she sadly realised, would—or should—be the perfect person to tell this. She could give her comfort, information, advice. She told Lily it would happen at some point and how to recognize it, but that was all. She would get answers to so many questions, and most importantly, she wouldn't feel so alone.

Her mother was supposed to help. But thanks to her selfishness, she couldn't be trusted.

"Strangely...yes," Lily replied, staring in her mirror to avoid her mother's eyes. "Given the constraints of the long winter I've gained some weight. Cold days with no morning walks, extra food to keep warm. Besides," She cleverly changed the subject. "I must be more fashionable if I am to court at some point. Surely no harm in looking the part, yes?"

"None at all." Margaret replied with a delighted flutter. "I want us to find your perfect match. By the time you courses do start, we may have already found you someone suitable for an engagement. Would you like that?"

Lily paused just then: how should she react? She suddenly recalled their performance and replied by quoting Juliet.

"Well, I'll look to like, if looking liking moves." She quoted, still looking at her reflection as she saw Missy approach them.

Margaret, unfamiliar with Shakespeare's work, didn't entirely understand her daughter's response and chose to gloss over it.

She leaned over and put her head on Lily's shoulder so their faces were side-by-side in the mirror. "Splendid! My girl must have only the best."

Yet as Margaret observed her growing figure, Lily met the eyes of a servant in her mirror with more comfort than the eyes of her own mother. What were her mother's eyes searching for? They were always analyzing something.

But Missy's eyes seemed to be more receptive, more emotional and understanding.

Her mother was surely on the lookout for the sought-after changes. Lily was grateful for Will's plan, but she had to admit it was only a temporary solution. She wondered how long she could hide something as important as this.