CHAPTER XXXV: Tainted of Grief

Realization hit me as soon as I was out of the tub last night.

I have too much on my plate as it is. Adding another would make it overfill.

When I went down the next morning, Ross was nowhere to be seen.

Solar and Hari were both chatting in the living room so I decided to head towards the kitchen to see what food we had.

It looks like they already ordered room service because there is a well-presented breakfast arranged on the table.

"Did you eat already?" I shouted from the dining room.

"Nope. We're coming!"

A second later, Solar and Haru came into sight.

Both of them seated themselves opposite to where I am.

"So, Haru here has something to tell us." Solar started.

I ate a spoonful of pancake before answering.

"What is it?"

Exactly as I uttered that, another voice rang in the room.

"Yeah, what is it?" Ross sat down beside me.

I ignored him and continued eating.

"Well, apparently, he wanted to invite us to his house." When I glanced up, Solar was looking rather excited as she told us that.

I looked at Haru for confirmation.

"Ah, yeah. My mother, ah, asked me to invite you for a belated Christmas celebration." Haru explained further.

We all agreed instantly because how could we ever decline such an offer, especially when it came from a close acquaintance's parents?

While Solar and Haru discussed what was in store for us today, Ross leaned in to whisper in my ear.

I calmly dodged it and focused on scooping another slice of pancake.

"Where did you go last night?"

"Where else would I go?"

"My heart is always vacant for you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. Right. You mistook 'you' for everyone."

"What do you mean?" He asked in confusion.

I took a sip in my orange juice.

"Take a guess."

It took a moment for my words to sink in.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm not this immature!

Argh.

"Should we-"

"I'm done." I stood up before he could even finish his sentence.

I know it's rude, but I don't think my mature side has awakened yet.

Better be cautious than repeatedly embarrass myself.

The four of us prepared everything we needed before going to the nearby mall.

We forced Haru to come here because we wanted to buy gifts for his family even though he emphasized that it wasn't obligatory.

"Haru, we need to dress to impress. In this case, we also need to express to impress. Got it?"

Before Haru could even respond, she had already fled to the closest jewelry store there was.

I, on the other hand, strutted towards the clothing boutique.

Haru and Ross followed closely behind me.

"What are you going to buy?" Ross asked.

I remained silent because I, myself, don't even know what to get.

As I roamed around the store, hoping to pinpoint the appropriate gift, I stumbled upon a rack of cute and fluffy sweaters.

It looked warm and comfortable.

I turned towards Haru.

"How many are you in the family?"

He paused and knitted his eyebrows together.

He was most likely doing a mental count of his entire clan.

"The only ones who'll be there would be my mother and my father."

I almost facepalmed myself. He took so long just to mention two people at the end.

I surveyed Haru's figure and nodded.

"Okay. I've decided."

After clarifying his parents' sizes, I called for assistance in getting the right measurements.

I sat on a waiting bench somewhere while Haru left to find Solar.

I was trying to relax when, all of a sudden, Ross took the seat beside me.

"Why sweaters?"

"Why not?" I replied.

He chuckled, fully understanding that this is just the way I am.

But maybe I was more harsh on him for the past few hours.

Blame it on these stubborn emotions.

"When I was young, my family and I loved to travel. I particularly enjoyed going somewhere that snows a lot. They always went along with my whims since I was the 'bunso,' which makes bribing easier."

"What's bunso?"

"It means a person who's born last in the family. The youngest."

"So, the sweaters made you miss them?"

"Hmm…not really."

What I long for is the tender sentiment of an actual family.

However, I couldn't say that to him.

He would probably just see me as a problematic person.

Which is not, in any way, a lie.

Even I pity myself.

How could he not, if he ever knew?

After a few moments, the store clerk finally gave me my bundled gifts.

Ross also declared that he was finished with his purchase.

The two of us headed towards the exit where Haru and Solar were patiently waiting.

We arrived at Haru's house just before sunset.

The house was huge but welcoming.

It somehow had that classy and traditional build that most would see in TV and magazines.

As we were about to enter, a woman emerged from the sliding doors, making us halt in our steps.

I could already presume that this was Haru's mother.

"Welcome! Come on in! I've been dying to meet all of my son's friends." She greeted us in a cheery manner.

She was wearing a classic yukata that highlighted her Japanese aesthetics.

She welcomed us inside, knowledgeably ushering us in its paths.

When we entered what I think was the living room, a man who was standing in the middle of the enclosed space was waiting for us.

"I'm Iku and this is my husband Phillian."

Phillian reached out his hand to each of us, which we all gladly acknowledged.

"Welcome! It's been such a long time since we had guests brought by Haru. I do hope you enjoy today's party."

On cue, Solar stepped forward and began her chattering.

"Oh! We will Mr. Phillian! By the way, here are our gifts. Is it still okay to say Merry Christmas?"

They looked taken aback by her energy. I would be too, if I don't already know how enthusiastic she can get.

"Ah, this is Solar." Haru shyly pointed at Solar, then he turned to our direction, "That's Ross and Dia."

Ross smiled, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

I nodded, "It's an honor to be here."

Both of us handed our gifts at the same time.

Iku's eyes widened as she stood there, observing the packages in our hands.

"Oh my! You're making me bashful. You didn't need to do that!" She waved her hands repeatedly.

"It's our sincere thanks, after all, you did invite us to your humble abode." Ross insisted.

Iku turned towards her husband who silently encouraged her to just receive it.

When she directed her gaze back at us, she smiled.

"It is because I was the one who invited you that you didn't need to bring such things. Just seeing Haru with his friends fills us with joy."

In the end, she gathered our gifts and told us to just relax while she finishes the preparations.

Phillian also left us to ourselves as he helped his wife carry the gifts.

Solar and Ross went to explore the garden while I stayed seated with Haru.

I glanced around the room in silence and saw that there were picture frames everywhere.

I poked Haru who was sitting beside me.

"Do you mind?" I gestured towards the photos.

He shook his head.

I raised from my seat and walked around near where those hang to get a better view of those.

It was your typical family portrait.

However, as I got a clearer inspection of each individual photo, I saw something off as I passed by all the lined up frames.

When I heard voices growing nearer, I moved my attention to where it came from.

Solar and Ross came through the doorway and sat beside Haru.

I took a final glance at the pictures before doing the same.

The celebration started after an hour.

We ate, drank, and had fun.

There were so many foods prepared that it almost looked like a feast.

It was something I was extremely glad for.

Free delicacy is totally worth everything.

Iku and Phillian also joined us by sharing stories about Haru.

We even saw cute baby pictures which obviously made Haru flustered with every flip of the album's pages.

It was a sight to see.

Once the party cooled down, Iku and Phillian collected all the used plates with the aid of their helpers.

Now that the four of us were left alone, we made ourselves comfortable to the max.

It was also calming to be with Haru's parents but I guess there will always be a difference when they're not there.

We laid down on the tatami mat as we chatted the night away.

Staring at the ceiling, I caught a glimpse of the pictures on the wall.

"Hey, Haru." I called out.

Haru turned his head to me and waited for what I was about to say.

"Why are you wearing glasses?" He froze.

This gained the attention of Solar and Ross.

"You don't need to answer if you don't like to. I was just wondering why you're hiding behind those thick frames when you're truly a good-looking person."

He pondered what I said for a while before dropping his head.

"It's-It's because of my brother." Just as Hard muttered those, Solar gasped out loud.

"YOU HAD A BROTHER?!" She shrieked unbelievably.

"Yes." He lifted his head and stared at the stars outside.

Since his living room is connected to an open space to the garden, what lies outside is visible, especially when the sliding doors are open.

Just like now.

Without diverting his eyes from the starry night, he continued.

"The glasses belonged to my older brother." He said and removed them.

I was stunned for a second because it's been a long time since I saw him without those.

Solar was the same.

When she recovered, she asked, "He passed it to you?"

"Something like that."

"Where is he now? Did he go away? Now that I know you have a brother, I want to get to know him!"

Solar's excitement died down when she saw Gary's expression.

"I also want to see him…" He whispered.

We were engulfed with stillness, which was only shattered when Haru spoke.

"My brother died a few years back. He met with an accident that made him unable to come back to us. These glasses…" He raised the said object, "were his trademark. He had poor eyesight and always wore them. It was the only thing that returned back in my hands. This and not the owner."

His voice quivered slightly yet he still pursued to continue his story.

"That's why I couldn't travel during this time of year because we always come back together to visit his grave. At least in this way, we could be with him during those special moments that he couldn't bear to witness anymore."

He sighed and gently caressed the glasses.

"And with these glasses, it feels like I'm bringing him everywhere I go. Similar to how he was always beside me when he was still breathing." He smiled sadly.

After finishing his explanation, we couldn't speak a single word.

Haru looked down on his hands but I could see the teardrops staining the tatami mat.

I wasn't the only one who noticed, though.

Ross approached Haru and placed an arm around his shoulders.

"I know your brother is satisfied that you think of him like that, with so much love and care. Seeing you now, I'm sure he's very proud of you."

This made Haru's shoulders shake.

Solar and I exchanged glances and moved towards Haru as well.

I reached for his head and patted him, while Solar hugged him from the back.

In this tiny space, we witnessed grief wash over the people who're living.

With those drops of tears, quiet sorrows tainted the remains.

It was a familiar feeling…

That grief and regret.