Repetition

I opened my eyes slowly, I felt a soft touch rotating over my hand. I stared at Merri, who was smiling freely for a moment. I am thankful.

"Merri, I'm glad to see you again ..."

'But my baby isn't here… my baby isn't here' tears spilled from the corner of my eye. The flow was quite heavy and enough to make Merri confused. I heard Merri's words piece by piece. Her face was sad. Then several people came into my room. A doctor grabbed my wrist softly. He checked my temperature. He says I have a fever.

Merri and my ladies-in-waiting were getting frustrated.

I had sat on the bed to drink medicine. I see the whole room of my room. Nothing changed much from the last time I remember. Maybe the presence of a shiny, arctic white tree in the middle of the room is giving me a clue of my return timeline. I remember very well when the tree was there. The tree was a form of warm welcome from the Royal Family to welcome their new family's members. Meaning, I returned to the time when I was newlyweds. The wife of a Crown Prince.

"Your Majesty, are you so sad that His Majesty the Crown Prince has to go immediately to exterminate the monsters at the border after the wedding feast?" asked one of the ladies-in-waiting. If I remember correctly, her name is Sophie von Blester from the Count family.

"Oh Your Majesty, don't worry. The Crown Prince is a tough knight, so he will definitely come back safely" who just replied was another lady-in-waiting, her name was Laura Kil Lanchester from the Count family as well.

Ha, that's right. At the beginning of the marriage, Hayden left me to immediately serve the border. I remember being sad about it. I heard several ladies mocking me behind their fan. Laughing at me who was left alone at a wedding feast without my husband present. At that time I ignored their sarcasm. On the pretext that my husband was on a duty for the Kingdom. And I am a wife who fully supports her husband's duties. My arguments embarrass them, while I gain confidence.

But if I think about it, maybe Hayden did it on purpose to embarrass me. Regardless of the circumstances, the Drachentia Kingdom had excellent warriors who could subdue monsters without having to get the Crown Prince to step in. Ha, why didn't I think about it back then?

Stupid.

And in all likelihood, these two lady-in-waiting were Hayden's spy. They were assigned to watch over me. I remember well how they set me up on ridiculous accusations in court. Twisted the facts until I was thrown into a shabby dungeon.

"Out. Everyone beside Merri, out"

"But Your Highness, we are-"

"How dare you defy me, a Crown Princess?"

They gasped. Eyes blinking. Maybe this is the first time they've heard my haughty and cold tone. Because before they became a lady-in-waiting, I considered them friends. Although not close friends, we hang out quite often at some tea parties. Hence, when Hayden submitted their name as my ladies-in-waiting, I agreed.

I used to be so stupid.

'Why? Why did I go back as Fuschia? If you want to send me back, return me to my first life. Shit! Or at least return me to the days before I become that bastard's wife!" I curse whoever sent me back to this horrible plot.

I'm stuck in a book that all seems to have been resolved. With Hayden on the throne as a noble-hearted prince, while I was the wicked villainess who injured that prince. Fuschia's role may only be written in one chapter in the book. But I'm already exhausted. Now I know the storyline is irreversible.

'Baby .. baby .. are you lonely honey?' Again, tears rolled down my cheeks. And whenever that happened, Merri would sit beside me.

It's been three days since I haven't left the room because of a fever. Even though the fever has gone down, I still lie on my bed grieving. I am exhausting.

I know every human will surely die. But I don't want another terrible death. May I die in peace? Or at least, I died of my own choice. Not because of being stabbed or beheaded horribly.

"Merri, accompany me to the green lake"

"With pleasure, Your Highness the Crown Princess" Merri looked happy, I saw her jumping lightly. She's cute.

"Merri, call me by my name"

"H-how can I-"

"At least when it's just the two of us, call me by my name."

"But Your Highness-"

"Merri, do you want me to beg you?"

"What?! Of course not. How can I be that impudent? "

"Then, please Merri, call me Miss Fuschia like when we were at the Duke's house"

'Because I don't want you to call me with that disgusting title'

Merri nodded sheepishly. She really is a kind and hardworking young girl. She is the only maid who's willing to look after my baby when other's servants ignore us.

We walked quite a distance. Until we arrive at the lake. Where the water never recedes during the dry season, and never freezes during winter. Nobody knows how deep the lake is, because whoever falls in it never returns to the surface to tell it. It is quite strange to visit this kind of lake, where there is another lake that is more beautiful and famous for a noble lady to take a walk around.

'Hmpf. There's no guarantee I'll be able to see my baby again. And even if I meet my baby, I still can't change the plot. My baby will still likely to be killed by them'

When I ordered Merri and two other escort knight to bring the tea utensils from the carriage, I pocketed a number of stones in my dress pocket.

BYUR!

'Baby, wait Mama. This time, Mama will definitely go to your place'