Chapter 7 -- Nightmare (6)

"Princess, I have something to tell you."

The next day, as if concluding that Athy had found a sort of inner peace, Lily tightly held the princess' hand and spoke to her.

"His Majesty did not take Blackie away." Athanasia could see the concern etched onto Lily's face. After a moment of hesitation, she continued. "When we approached you after the magic that had engulfed you and His Majesty had completely disappeared, Blackie was nowhere to be found."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It's just as I've said. We searched the area that you had your tea party, the Emerald Palace, and everywhere else. But we couldn't find traces of Blackie anywhere, so…" Lily's words slowly faded from the princess' ears. While the blonde stood frozen, a thought suddenly occurred to her. When she was younger, the wizard had told her that her frequent contact with Blackie had caused the divine animal's magic to transfer back into her, creating the imbalance that caused her to collapse. Lucas had once told Athy that Blackie was made up of her magic and that she would eventually be fully absorbed back into her and disappear.

"I sincerely apologize. I thought that you would be extremely sad to know of Blackie's disappearance, and so I hid this fact from you."

I assumed this magical explosion had happened for a similar reason as the first… but… Blackie has disappeared completely?

"Princess, are you alright?" Lily carefully asked her with a look of worry as Athy stayed silent for a while. The princess was utterly bewildered. Too many incidents had happened in such quick succession that she didn't know what was what anymore.

"I'm okay." But, despite her response, Athy removed her hand from Lily's grasp. She stood in her spot. Blackie had disappeared completely. Athanasia would never see her again. The situation seemed like a dream. She felt numb.

"I'm going to sleep for a bit. I couldn't get any sleep last night, so I'm slightly tired."

Lily opened her mouth as if to say something. But, perhaps knowing that her words of consolation wouldn't have any effect, she simply told the princess to rest well and left the room.

Athy was finally alone, but she stood rooted to the spot. Around her, time moved diligently forward. How strange. Why does it feel like everything around me is disappearing? It's as if there's something unknown stealing away bits and pieces of my life. Her heart felt hollow. Like a child left abandoned on the road, she did not know what to do. All of this good fortune fell upon me so suddenly only to disappear without any warning. Never before had she experienced such a loss. After a long time, she mumbled, "Ah. So this is how it feels."

At first, Athy felt as if the things happening to her were so surreal. But it was dawning on her that she had forgotten what "reality" was while living her life as "Athanasia." Now, it was all coming back to her. "Loss?" "My life?" When did I start letting myself have the luxury of such thoughts? Since I became "Athanasia," I've had things I could never have dreamed of before. Will I die without those things? When did I become so weak? To think that I would waver and be hurt by something like this. I am not "Athanasia." I am "me," who has always been alone.

Even if Claude, Lily, Felix, Blackie, and everyone and everything in the Emerald Palace were to disappear right now, she would be capable of living well. Even if they stopped existing, she would not be hurt; it would be as if nothing happened. She must not be hurt.

That's right. Thinking that any of this was mine was a mistake. The thought of losing this happy and luxurious life made me want to cry as if I was a child who had their precious candy stolen. But this is right. My life as "Athanasia" was what was strange. There was no way all of my good luck so far would continue. My being happy, acting as if I had everything in the world, was ridiculous.

After thinking things through, the princess' chaotic mind began to settle. Her irregular heartbeat calmed down. The overwhelming weight on Athy's chest faded away. All that was left was her empty heart; it was a familiar feeling.

During that time, Bluey chirped sorrowfully in its cage.