Healing

Laila's first day living her new life was going amazing. She had married a wonderful man, she had taken a step to improving her relationship with the staff and it was clear she was living her best life in this lifetime. Above all that, she was expecting a baby. The one thing she wanted since a long time ago and even more so after the loss of her first baby. Though she knew that she hadn't lost a baby in this lifetime, it is not like she had lost the memories or pain from her previous life. But because of what she had gone through in her previous life, she was able to appreciate everything she had in this lifetime even more. Something she was determined to get across to everyone she held dear, to all those who were making this life of hers possible and who worked hard to make sure she could wake up with a smile everyday.

As Laila walked the halls in order to leave Noah to his work, she walked passed the unfinished baby room. She felt her steps getting heavier and slower as her eyes became glued to the door. She pushed herself to keep walking but just before she took her first step down the stairs, with her foot still floating in the air, she turned around and walked back towards the room with the colourful sign. She took a deep breath and opened the door. With small steps she walked inside the room that represented that which she had lost in her other life, the hope she once had and wanted to feel once more.

It was these heavy, messy feelings that had kept her from staying in this room for too long when she came upon it the first time around. But somehow her sharing such a moment with Noah, made her feel like facing another aspect of her new life in hopes of turning that in a positive moment as well. Because even though it was still hard for her to be in a baby room after losing a baby of her own, she didn't want to stay stuck in the life she had lived in the other timeline. She had come to accept her new house, her new staff and her new husband. So, why shouldn't she accept that her pregnancy in this wonderful new life might not go the way it did in her other life. That in this life she would be able to hold her bundle of joy in her arms and have it smile at her as she would have smiled at him or her.

It felt weird standing inside this type of room. She didn't think that she would have such a hard time with being pregnant once more. But it had brought up more for her than she had expected. Especially finding out she was pregnant so suddenly and being in about the same stage as she had been in her previous life. She thought she was really over what had happened to her baby boy Nick, that is what they would have named him if he had been born, but it seems that what they say about miscarriages is true. You might be able to accept it but you will never get fully over it. You will always carry it with you, the trick is trying to turn it into something more positive. In whatever way you can. That way you can actually start healing.

You can tell yourself that the next child you have has the soul of that baby. You can tell yourself that perhaps it was the universe telling you that you weren't ready or maybe that the baby wasn't ready yet. You can even tell yourself that God himself wasn't ready to part with such a beautiful soul. Whatever works for you and whatever can be a source of positivity and comfort for you, whatever gives you the energy to get out of bed the next day, is a good reason and is a valid reason. No matter what someone else might say or think. No two people are the same, nor is their way of dealing with loss. That is what she learned when she was dealing with her own loss.

One person might simply need time to see the light, another will have the strength to overcome it by simply putting one foot in front of the other until it is in the past, while some people need to borrow strength from others to be able to stay on their feet, before they are able to regain their own strength. There is no right way and no "normal" amount of time. As long as you know that, as long as you keep living, as long as you keep trying, as long as you keep moving forward, one day at a time, the day where thing get better, will arrive. At least that is what she told herself back then.

Laila took another deep breath and took another step forward as she tried to take it all in without being overwhelmed by it all. She picked up one of the small rompers, touched the small, wooden crib and smelled the small stuffed animal that was placed inside of it. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and brought the toy to her face before placing it back down with damp eyes. It was at this moment that she suddenly felt a kick from her unborn baby. It was as if the baby was saying that he or she was doing fine and that she shouldn't worry.

Getting this kind of reassurance from her baby, Laila wiped away the tears that had yet to fully form before she started to laugh. Suddenly the world felt even brighter than it already looked on such a sunny day. Suddenly all her worries seemed unwarranted. At that moment Laila felt a weight fall off of her shoulders and she felt like she could breath more freely. It was a strange feeling but certainly a positive one and definitely one that was most welcome!