Guilt, frustration and sadness

Noah was frozen to the spot and could only watch as Steve was being carried away. While Maria followed Steve as he was being brought to the room where he would be staying to recuperate, Laila shifted her comforting from her friend to her husband. She had noticed the sudden change in Noah and knew that he was the one who needed her most right now. So, she waited for Maria to leave, before she took a step closer to Noah. When she was standing next to him she could see the shock in his face and the empty glaze that covered his eyes. Laila grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze in order to pull him out of his thoughts and gain his attention.

Noah turned around and looked at Laila with the same expression of shock on his face but with eyes that contained life in them and no longer had the absent-minded glaze. When Laila saw that she had Noah's attention she said with a warm look on her face, "What is wrong honey?" Although she had a pretty good idea what was going on in Noah's mind. She wanted to give him the room to say what was bothering him on his own. This was a difficult situation, and Steve getting hurt was hard on more than one person. So, she could imagine Noah being bothered in different ways since he was actually involved in the incident that got him hurt in the first place.

But instead of saying what was bothering him, Noah tried to brush it off. With a weak smile he said, "It's nothing. Don't worry about me. Let's go join Maria and go see Steve." But as Noah took a step in the direction of Steve's room, Laila stood still in her spot while continuing to hold Noah's hand. With Laila not moving, Noah was eventually pulled back a bit by his hand and he turned his head over his shoulder to see why Laila wasn't moving.

She in turn looked at him stubbornly from her spot and everything about her, her face, her body language, the very air surrounding her, made it clear that she would not be moving until the matter was settled. He let out a small sigh before he walked back to where Laila was standing and said, "I am really fine. Why won't you believe me?"

With a straight face she replied, "Your lips say you are fine but your eyes tell me that you are on the verge of breaking down. Did you forget who I am? Did you forget how long we have known each other? Even if you don't tell me, I can tell when something is bothering you. I know that something changed in you the moment they brought Steve out of the operating room. So, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that is fine. You don't have to. But I will make one thing clear to you."

Without a shred of doubt on her face Laila said, "This was NOT you fault. Do you hear me? Not. Your. Fault." Noah's eyes widened when he heard Laila say this. No matter how many times it happened, he couldn't help but feel amazed every time Laila managed to read his mind so perfectly. He had not said a word, he had tried to deny it because he didn't want to add to Laila's list of worries but she had managed to see through his front. As his grip on her hand tightened subconsciously, Laila continued to speak.

She said, "There is only one person to blame for what happened to Steve and that person is Harold. If you need anyone else to blame, then blame Olivia for bringing him into our lives again and being the catalyst for today's events. I know you feel bad and seeing Steve like that could not have been easy but blaming yourself is not the answer. It will not only not help the situation at all, I know for a fact that even Steve himself does not blame you and would not want you to be thinking like this."

Noah felt himself getting a lump in his throat and his eyes were starting to feel prickly but he didn't want to cry. He didn't like showing his emotional side in the first place and he certainly didn't like being vulnerable like this in such a public place, usually reserving that for when he and Laila were alone. So, to hide his face and look for the comfort he needed in that moment, he pulled Laila towards him as he hugged her tightly and rocked her from side to side gently, his head hanging down over her shoulder.

Laila let out a soft breathed laughter at seeing her large, strong husband, who usually looked invincible, become like this during his need for comfort. Her laugh didn't come from a place of amusement per se but more out of endearment for Noah's actions. She was happy that she had pushed a bit to get through that front he had put up. Otherwise he would have continued to bottle all of this up, when it was hurting him so much on the inside. Now that he had given in, she could hopefully take away some of the guilt, frustration and sadness he was feeling.

They continued to stand there in the crowded hospital hall, hugging each other while they couldn't have been more invisible to the people around. As he continued to hold onto her tightly, Laila stroked Noah's back with one arm and used the other to stroke the back of his neck, while she whispered soothing words. Repeating the same words over and over with the hope of one of them getting through and ease his aching heart.