Iron wall

Steve was enjoying his morning by teasing Maria, while at the same time reaffirming to her that he still wished for her to be more than just his girlfriend and that in his eyes, she already was. To him the word 'girlfriend' was nothing more than a placeholder for the title Maria had in his mind. He had chosen her to be his partner for life and he intended to show her that, every step of the way. And what better way, than to show her the type of teasing she would be dealing with from now on along with his lesser qualities, such as his his fear of losing the people he cares about, resulting into a type of possessiveness he isn't always proud of. Along with his strong sense of protection, which might cause her to feel frustrated at times.

He wanted to show her these sides of him, because he felt that she NEEDED to see these sides of him. Not only because he doesn't tend to show them to just anyone, but also because it was important for her to know all sides of him to fully understand him. His smiling and joking nature is, for a lack of a better word, a shield to prevent others from seeing what he truly feels and who he cares about. This shield is intended to prevent him from exposing his weaknesses to those who wish to take advantage of it and thus potentially putting the people closest to him, in harm's way.

Although the shield was important, although it was essential, him being able to joke and fool around as much as he has, made Maria doubt his intentions in the first place. He didn't want it to become the reason she would doubt his feelings in the future. For that she needed to know him like the back of her hand and read him like an open book, while allowing him to be nothing short of an enigma to others. He needed Maria to understand him, like he was able to understand her. But that goal couldn't be achieved without more openness from him, as his shield required a different approach from hers.

Maria's shield had been only there because she wanted to protect herself, but she was waiting for someone to break it down. It was more of an iron fence with a big chain lock. One that had been placed there long ago, but she hadn't been able to take off because she kept being disappointed by the people she had chosen for the task, in other words, the men in her life. Over time, that lock had become rusty, being only one hard pound away from being broken. Yet, she had become so accustomed to it being there, that she had become afraid of life without that iron fence in place to protect her. Causing her to wish for someone to break it down, while running away whenever someone willing presented itself for the task.

This had continued for so long, that by now, she probably no longer knew how to unlock the door herself or had just become too afraid to even try. But Maria was strong in her own way. Despite feeling afraid and confused, she patiently waited for another chance at love. For someone to knock on that door once more. Hoping this person wouldn't be scared away too easily and would treasure what is behind that fence. But regardless of whether the fence was opened or not, it wasn't able to prevent someone from seeing what's behind it as it was only there to keep you from coming inside. That is why he was able to read her so easily, and see through all her harsh words and hostility. Because he could hear the words from that scared person behind the fence, telling him that she didn't mean it. That she was sorry. While her eyes begged him not to go. Not to give up.

In his case however, the shield was more like a large iron wall with layer of grease covering the outside in case someone tried to climb it. The grease being his deflective words, the witty jokes and his fool proof smiles. He only had a single peeping hole to the outside world, but it was high up where no one could reach it. Showing that his shield was intended to keep everyone out and ensure they are oblivious to what the wall hides. Thus making the only way to see what is behind the wall be if he himself opened the door from the inside or lowered the walls willingly. The only people who had managed to do that so far, had been Noah and on some occasions, Laila. Laila being Noah's wife had earned her a certain privilege in the past, but it had been revoked when her behaviour started to change. But recently her demeaner seemed to have changed to how it was before, causing him to trust her once more. Such as when he confided his feelings for Maria in Laila, because he knew those words would be safe with her considering they are best friends.

Another reason why he felt that it was necessary for Maria to see these sides of him early on, is because he didn't want her to believe he is something he is not. He wants her to accept him, all of him, the good and the bad. For that, he needed to actually show her the bad. Plus, he didn't want her to feel deceived or find herself in a situation she can't accept later on, and regret investing the time she had in their relationship.

He would have rather her tell him now that she couldn't be with him, despite preferring to never hear it at all, than to hear it when he had come to love her even more. Even if he didn't hold that possible right now, he hadn't held it possible yesterday or the day before that, and yet it had happened. She was like an infection he couldn't get rid of. It had seemed like an innocent infatuation at the beginning, but now it had spread all over his body and the cure was also the poison that would make it worse. That was exactly how he could be so certain that Maria was the one for him and that he could never grow tired of her or find someone better. She was the best. She had managed to swoop him off of his feet from the day they met and by now he is so far behind, that he has no chance of ever catching up. All he can do, is just do his best and continue to be amazed by her as she manages to chip away his iron wall until she has invaded every last inch and corner of his heart.