Dead to me

Susan was shocked by Rebecca's words. She immediately became worried and wondered if she had unintentionally touched a sore subject, when she thought she had brought up a light topic. Thinking the worst had happened, she completely misunderstood Rebecca's words in her state of worry. She placed her hand on Rebecca's arm, while she used the other to cover her mouth as she gasped, and asked, "Oh no, I am so sorry dear. Did they pass away?" Rebecca shook her head. "No, my parents aren't dead. But they are dead to me." After she uttered those last words, she showed a quick sad smile as if to show Susan that neither the question nor her own answer, had affected her. Rebecca's expression drove a knife in Susan's loving heart as she felt the hurt behind Rebecca's smile and words.

Although Susan wanted to know what had caused Rebecca's relationship with her parents to become so bad, that she would consider them dead rather than interact with them, she also didn't want to pry and potential reopen a wound, which hadn't fully healed yet. But despite what reasons Rebecca might have, and regardless of whether the lack of a relationship was due to a misunderstanding or because of her parents own actions, Susan felt bad for Rebecca. Bad that Rebecca had to go through this huge life experience without having her parents by her side. Bad that she had to feel this hurt each time someone asked about her parents or she was faced with a good parent-child relationship. This was not the type of life she wished for anyone, much less her own future daughter-in-law. In her eyes, no matter how old a person is, a child can't do without their parents and parents can't do without their child. Growing up without one or the other, leaves behind scars. Making life, as well as forming other relationships, that much harder.

Even lousy parents are still your parents after all. Not having them, leaves a mark. You are going to feel hurt to not have them in your life, even if it is for the best. That hurt will make you avoid other situations that might make you feel the same type of hurt. However, instead of having Rebecca talk more about a subject she probably didn't want to talk about, especially with someone she had just met, she decided to go with a different approach. Setting aside her own curiosity and need to 'fix' the situation, Susan decided to show Rebecca that even if her own parents weren't there for her, she would be. She wouldn't just be a mother-in-law; she would be an actual mother to her. She would never be able to fill the hole that her parents left behind, but that wasn't what she was after in the first place. No, she would be happy even if all she was able to do, is to show Rebecca that she cared. That there were people that she could turn to and depend on, without fearing that they might want something in return. At least if Rebecca would allow her to. She would start this by being open and honest, and let Rebecca decide the rest.

"It makes me sad to hear you say that, and I hope that one day you will feel ready to tell me the story behind that decision, but for now all I want to tell you is that I am here for you if you need me or ever want some parental advice. Life can be hard sometimes, and marriage in itself has plenty of struggles. I might not have all the answers, but I can promise you that I will do my best to help you two through them."

But contrary to what Susan believed, Rebecca didn't mind telling her story. For her it had happened quite some time ago and many good things had happened since her parents had abandoned her and her brother. They had damaged her life in plenty of ways, and she refused to let them have any more affect on her than they have had already. Including the relationship she would have with her in-laws.

"Thank you for not pushing me to tell you my story, but I don't mind at all actually. I don't necessarily like talking about my parents, but over time I have come to accept that they are a part of my story and the harder I try to deny it, the bigger their role becomes. So, although they aren't a part of my life now, they were a part of my past. To put it simply, my parents were people who never should have become parents in the first place. They both had their own problems, and they were forced into marriage when my mother got pregnant with me. Their relationship was rocky at best, considering they were both too young and too unwilling to step up into the roles they had been dealt by life. Despite this, and despite not really wanting me when they had me, they tried to make it work in their own way. A few years later things had gone from bad to worse between them, and they blamed me. Somehow, they thought another child would fix it. That is when my brother came into the picture"