Chapter Six- Impostors Syndrome

"Do you have your neck pillow and snacks? Did you pack enough hair ties in your back pack? Have you even brushed your teeth?", you would honestly think my mother would be the one asking me a million and one questions but think again. Jeremiah has been at my house since 5 this morning and has been following me around the house and asking me questions like a brown mother who is sending her child off to war.

"Yes Uncle Ji, I have packed everything and of course I've brushed my teeth. You followed me into the bathroom when I went to do it because you wanted to make sure I did it right. Or did you forget that you brushed so hard toothpaste got into my eye?" I say cringing as I remember all the screaming and crying.

"I'm just making sure you have everything ready and in order before you leave." he says all puppy eyed. I immediately feel bad for snapping at him. "I'm sorry. It's just that everything is happening so fast and I'm still processing last terms calculus notes man. My brain has not registered yet that I am going into senior year and that too in a completely foreign environment without you and Peppy.", I try to make him see it from my point of view.

"It's okay I get it. I'm still trying to process everything as well. I know what it feels like to be the new kid. But hey I found you guys, and things weren't so bad after that.", he says in hopes of cheering me up.

Friendships are exactly what I am worried about though. What if I do not find friends like them. What incase my bad luck follows me and I get bullied at that school as well. What if I don't make any friends at all.

I catch myself mid thought. No, I shouldn't let these intrusive thoughts get to me. I should think positively, because the more I think negatively the more likely that will be the outcome. My old school counselor, Mrs Mehta, associated such negative thoughts with the term impostors syndrome. It's more or less you feeling out of place and like you don't belong because your mind plays tricks with you and you decide to believe it. She had me doing certain techniques to try and block out such intrusive thoughts and they have worked well so far. All I have to do is realize that there is a chance that my intrusive thoughts are wrong, and then she has me thinking of positive thoughts, thoughts that contradict what my anxiety ridden mind has me believe.

Okay, so what if I do find friends like Peppy and Jay. What if I don't get bullied. What if I am treated like an equal.

That is as far as I get, I don't wish to jinx it. And if life has taught me anything, it is that I should never get my hopes up.

"Hello sleepy head. We're talking to you. Does she always zone out like this?", I hear Jay say.

"You'll get used to it eventually. Lord knows what dimension she is lost in half of the time. Attention span of a carrot, I tell you.", Peppy slyly remarks.

"I can hear you, you do know that right.", I respond.

"Oh, it speaks. Anyways if you were paying the slightest bit of attention, which I'm sure you weren't, I wouldn't have to re-explain myself the way I am about to.", she begins and I decide not to fight her. "We were thinking of planning a trip mid year. A vacation destination we all haven't been to. Or maybe we can come visit you or something. I personally would love to vist Korea, but Jay here wants to visit the Netherlands. So it's up to you, which do you choose? "

She's got to be kidding me, is that even a question. Would I rather stay at home with my family and friends for the holidays or travel to the other part of the world and live out my Kpop fan fiction?

"Korea obviously. Who knows I might run into a member from BTS or ATEEZ or even Stray Kidz. Or if I'm lucky and God really does have favorites I could meet a member from all.", I say heart pounding and palms sweating from excitement.

"Chill Mufasa.", Jay says. "She's doing that thing again and the look on her face concerns me. Honey, you can breathe now. It's okay. It could swing either way. No need to get over excited to the point of resembling a constipated wild boar.", Peppy mocks me as they break out into laughter.

The disrespect in this friendship never ceases to amaze me. I really will miss these dorks.

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Having rich parents isn't so bad as we will be travelling in our own private plane, and all I can say is that I am really glad that I don't have to sit next to some weird smelling dude that doesn't know how to take a hint, that is an experience i would not like to repeat.

Nikesh and Nikkita are on the porch hugging each other while talking and Kean and his friends, Sooraj and Mani, are saying their goodbyes. Only I could pull off the lonely friendless look, although I have friends who are currently in my house raiding the fridge and doing who knows what. I am currently leaning on the side of my dad's Mercedes staring at my siblings and their friends and I feel like a creep because my only two friends have preferred the company of an almost empty house to me.

It's not that I have never had friends before, I have only had one friend for most of my life, her name was Layla. She was a small girl filled with life, well as lively as a 10 year old kid could get, but things happened and she moved in third grade never to be seen or heard of again. I don't even remember much of what she looks like, all I can remember is her long, thick, curly brown hair and blue eyes. That just shows how sad my life is, don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a loner, but only if you choose to be a loner. Even those who isolate themselves secretly wish that they weren't so alone.

"There you guys are! What is that in your hand?", I say once I spot thing 1 and thing 2.

"Cookies and friendship bracelets.", Peppy says in a creppy high pitched voice.

"I'll take the cookies. But aren't we a little too old to be wearing friendship bracelets?", I say.

"We're literally living on a giant floating rock in the middle of space, who cares about what is childish and what is not? Don't be a buzz kill Jaz.", Jay points out.

"Fine. Point made.", I say rolling my eyes and putting my hand out for Peppy to adorn it wil the plain rose gold chain.

"I thought it would be cute if we get a charm from every city that we visit together for our bracelets.", Peppy says shyly.

"I think that's a fantastic idea. Gives us more reason to explore and bond.", I say smiling at her.

Not long after my dad is loading the car and telling us that it's time we hit the road if we want to reach the airport on time. Our flight is at one but my dad wants to get there early, even if it means being two hours early. I will never understand brown parents.

"Don't forget to text me. And let me know when you guys reach. Please go safely.", Peppy says after we all break away after joining hands in praying to God and asking Him to keep us safe even as we are about to go on this long journey.

"My love, for you I'd send Hedwig to the ends of the earth just to send you letters reminding you of how much you mean to me.", I teasingly respond.

"I'm going to miss you Potterhead. I am going to miss you all. You guys are like my second family. Whose house will I go to now on Saturdays for mutton and chicken breyani.", Peppy says all teary eyed.

"Are you going to miss me or mom's cooking?", I say poking her as I pull her in for a hug.

Jay's eyes start to well up and I pull him in for a group hug. We stay like that for a while until my dad reminds us that we still have a long way to drive to the airport.

With one last goodbye and many kisses and hugs later, I am in the car facing the back as I wave to my only two friends. Soon all that's left of them is tiny spots and I face the front trying my best to recall all the good things that may come out of this.

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After the long journey from Mumbai to Amsterdam we finally arrive and I am exhausted, even though I spent most of the flight sleeping in my cozy little corner.

The place seems to be spacious enough, there are 5 bedrooms in total, Nikita and I share a joined bathroom while my parents have their own and Kean uses the one down the hall. We have a family room, a theater, a dinning room, a huge kitchen, two toilets downstairs and a attic that looks more like a mini planetarium with it's glass walls and ceiling . Even from the outside you can tell that the house is spacious with the two garages, and a huge pool with a pool house out in the back. It's the ideal house if you ask me.

I make my way to the front door carrying a box full of my novels from the trunk of my dads car back up to my room which I'd love to explore more. It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes at how cocky my parents are. Right smack in the middle of the door, a huge sign in gold reading 'Pancholi' can be seen from a mile away.

I make my way up to my room and what I see still manages to amaze me, my walls are painted a light cream and right in the middle of the room up against the wall is a king sized bed with royal blue covers and on both sides of the bed there are built in bookshelves the right side filled with new books and the left side has space for my old books, across the room in front of the bed a study desk sits with my laptop and stationary already present on it and a built-in white cupboard is on the left hand side of the room. Simple yet classy.

I guess I don't really mind my parents being extra at times.

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5 hours later after I've given my room that extra Jasmine spark, it is dinner time and I make my way downstairs. When I get there I see Mr Abbott chatting away with my siblings. "Ah Jasmine there you are! Come join us." He invites me to sit down with them as if this isn't my parents house but since he is the one paying my mothers salary which helps pay for this house I smile and join them.

Minutes later my mother comes out with the lasagne and it smells amazing. She serves us one by one and the minute the lasagne is sent my way I start eating trying to block out their conversation by giving my undivided attention to the small piece of heaven on my plate. Something seems really off about Mr Abbott and his sudden visits but I decided to push those thoughts to the back of my mind while I enjoy the rest of my meal.

The rest of dinner is spent in them talking and we all come to know that Mr Abbott has a 17 year old daughter who is currently in Spain visiting her mother who is launching her new clothing line there. After dinner is over he suggests we go visit the fair that night because 'going to the fair at night is fun, beautiful and can help you get familiar with your new home town.'

As if I didn't have enough reasons to be skeptical about him, he makes us all walk around after dinner instead of letting me pass out on my bed in peace. Just great.

A/N.

Let me know your thoughts on The Freak's Secret in the comments. And if you could leave a review that would be great too<3

P.s there is a very high chance that you will see a lot of kpop related stuff throughout my book, I am what some may call addicted. So don't mind me randomly going off about my very limited knowledge of the kpop world:-)