Chapter Seven

KYLE'S P.O.V

Everything was a bit hazy as a yawn escaped my lips. I took a moment for my brain to shed the sleep away and allow clear visions of sunrise to register, rays of light shining through the whole room.

Still wrapped up in my bed, I rubbed the sleep away from my eyes and inspected the view out of my bedroom window, it was too early for me to be awake; the egg-yolk yellow-like sun was only gazing out at the horizon, cascading hope and promises of new beginnings every which way. It’s vivid light extending joy across the bluecious width of the sky. I stifled another yawn as I relished the warmness and softness of my sheets, I wasn’t ready to get up. It’s been two agonizingly long and slow, oh so slow, days since the whole encounter with Andrew.

Today; I start school.

My ‘self- inflected’ punishment. I try not to think of it that way; this is my chance to have a sort of normalcy. I tried to not have the highest of hopes, I mean I’m probably going to be the ‘nerd with a hunchback’ but at least I’d exist. And maybe someone will take me for who I am.

After my experience with Andrew, I decided it was best if I laid low for a while. He made it very clear that I wasn’t as sneaky and subtle in my tendencies as I thought myself to be. Plus even If I wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to. Yeah, for once; I was that busy.

The day that followed was spent preparing and cleaning the house, ‘only God knows when we would be able to be in a house this clean with both of us busy and out!’ was what my mother said when I told her the house was already clean. It didn’t make sense to me because; with both of us being busy, we won’t be spending much time inside the house to create clutter and mess. Nonetheless, she left me in an apron, gloved handed with a cloth and a multi-use disinfectant spray, while she went shopping.

When she came to me and told me she was going to do some shopping for me, to get me what I might need for school, I was ecstatic! I wrote her a full list of exactly what I wanted and in what colors. From khaki pants to the exact style of sweaters and a specific type of shoes. I got to cleaning after she left, which wasn’t really that hard when you’ve got wings. Also, the deal was, I clean everything, and ma vacuums and wipes the floors, which works for both of our advantages. My god, the number of times I broke those revolving spray mops is out of the world. I barely press down to remove any stains and boom! Broken!

Fast forward to six hours later and two doses of bent up laundry washed, dried and ironed all finished, all surfaces wiped, sheets changed and mirrors so clean you can see ghosts reflecting in them, mum was back. I remember just snatching the bags out of her hands and flying up to my room to try them on, she yelled at me for flying up, but I was too excited to reply. But let me tell you the big surprise; none of what I listed is in there! Let me clarify; I saw her put the list inside her purse! But no she went with ridiculously big jackets multiple belts, which, eww, I won’t use them. And straight-leg unflattering stiff jeans.

Thank goodness I predicted this beforehand (sorry mum) and ordered some decent clothes online. The only problem is they take a week to arrive. Why was I eager to get to school as soon as possible again? I’m stuck with what my mum got me, but at least she opted for the neutral colors I wanted.

That brings us to this moment. Me looking into my ridicule form in the mirror. I was wearing a massive jacket to cover my wings. Underneath a pair of plain black skinny jeans and a black shirt that was completely unseen under the jacket. A pair of thickly framed glasses sat on the bridge of my nose. I didn’t mind them actually… they added a certain poise. But I looked stupid. My chances with Andrew dropped to below zero. They already were slim but with me looking like….this. Na-uh.

I didn’t exactly hope I’d look like a model, obviously, but I didn’t expect to look this bad either. I guess I was so used to being able to dress normally and not have my wings shoved under a jacket that it didn’t affect me much. Almost all of my shirts are slit at the back for my wings, which is the exact reason my mum got me new clothes. I always liked the way I looked, whenever I dressed. I liked having my wings out and I liked how they went with my outfits. I always thought they added something to my looks. I guess not anymore…

“Honey, hurry up! You’ll be late for your first day at school!” ah the words I so wished to hear for a long time. Doesn’t cover up for the fact that my mum is going to be the cause of my eardrums exploding at some point if she doesn’t stop yelling it out. I swear she’ll be the end of my hearing abilities. I’m thankful for the sudden interruption though. All this thinking and staring was kind of bringing me down. Her voice had me smiling when I remembered how we spent yesterday.

Mum had deemed it the last day of my ‘freedom’ and she wanted us to spend the whole day together. It’s why she had me do all the cleaning the previous day and she saw it as the perfect timing too because it was Sunday and she was able to talk herself out of her short shift at work, to spend the entire day with me. It was so much fun.

We spent most of the day in the kitchen baking all kinds of stuff, from different types of cookies; the classic chocolate chip, lemon, oatmeal to muffins, blueberry only, and since they are my favorite, my mum made more of them for me to have for breakfast every morning, tarts and everything in between. We were stocked to the brim with sweets. Baking is my lane, like every other gay teenage boy, and with mum, it’s ten times more fun. We had a flour-fight at some point. I guess it was after we put the blueberry muffins in the oven and the countertop had a lot of excess flour.

It was a step in my relationship with my mother that I never realized I had to take. I never realized how little I knew about my mother, I mean that in the sense that; yes we talk every night but certain things are just looked-over. I feel even closer to my mother. And I’m grateful for the bonding time we had. My mum ended up tearing up like in every other milestone we hit. She took me going to school as the biggest achievement ever. I didn’t think to look at it from that view beforehand, I thought it was normal, but I guess none is normal when it comes to me.

“Kyle, you’re gonna be late—” I looked over at my mother who was standing by the door— I didn’t even hear her come in— and I blinked.

“—why are you staring at yourself in the mirror? What’s wrong?” confusion was itched on her face and I couldn't blame her, I looked like an idiot standing stiffly and staring. “I look, weird mum.” I frowned and sat down on my bed, pulling my new pair of shoes closer to myself to put them on.

“Oh come on Kyle, we talked about this; you need to attract the least amount of attention to yourself, honey. Plus you look beautiful. You always do, and you know that too.” I smiled at my mum’s encouraging words, but they didn’t do much for my plummeting self-esteem.

We had the same talk when I was trying to come up with outfits with the crazy items she got me, that same day. She saw the same defeated look I had on right now. And told me the same thing. I had tried explaining to her that the ‘unwanted attention’ she wanted me to avoid, was going to be brought straight on because of my unusual attire and that, it wasn't going to be positive. She refused to change her mind though. ‘Kids aren't that horrible. It's either this, Kyle, or you forget the whole purpose’ so I had no choice but to consent.

For my God above, let that online order arrive sooner.

“Come on, bring your bag and let’s be on our way.” I did so hurriedly, I was going to be late if I stalled any bit longer. Speaking of my bag, thankfully mum chose a decent one. Black with tan-brown bottom, simple and handy. I descended the stairs after my mother, she disappeared in the kitchen for a few minutes then came back with a muffin and a bottle of water. “Eat it in the car, and here, make sure you stay hydrated.” Mum, always fussing over healthy habits.

She handed them to me and proceeded to put on her coat and gather her purse and keys before opening the front door, I froze by the door frame as the sunlight beamed at me. I’ve never stepped out in daylight using the front door. I felt panicking thoughts rush in my head like a herd of bulls on the loose, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

“Mum.”

I barely heard my voice over the red lights going off before my eyes. “Yes, hon— oh my god! Kyle breathe! Breathe for me!” I felt a tug on my arm and then a second later I was seated on our sofa, I could feel my sweaty hands shake as I tried to focus my senses on my mum. She was saying something but I couldn’t make out what it was. My jacket was roughly pulled against my body and then it was off. I felt lighter without it as though air could finally surround me.

“—athe Kyle, yes that’s it.” Her voice was distant but it was slowly coming back as everything else, I was all too aware of everything around me all at once, I could hear multiple things and I couldn’t focus on any of them, I felt a touch against my shoulder that jerked me back completely, and I was able to breathe probably.

“I can’t do this,” I mumbled and covered my eyes with my palms. I couldn’t even get out of the house let alone be in a school surrounded by hundreds. God, why did I think I could actually pull this off?

“No, Kyle, listen to me,” I felt my mum shaking me but I had no intention to raise my face, mum was persistent though and I had to force down a sob at the proud look in her eyes. “Do you know why I agreed to this? Because I knew you’d be able to succeed. You’re strong, my boy, and one day I won’t be able to be there for you to ensure your happiness and safety.”

“I can no longer keep you dependent on me, I cannot bear the thought of you unable to fend for yourself because I was too selfish to let you grow up into the man I know you to be. You’ve already come this far, Kyle, don’t give up now.” there was a certain hardness that edged her irises, yet soft as they always were. I was so dumbstruck by her words so I opted for my actions and threw myself in a needful hug.

I couldn’t even imagine a world where mum was not there to support me, yes I'd depend on myself, but losing my mother would be like losing the rock that keeps me tied to the earth, and brings about tolerance for the mistreatment I was sure to receive. I wouldn’t know what to do if my mother wasn’t there to guide me. If she left... then I'd go down with her.

“I love you, mum.” I whispered as I tried to get rid of my tears, she smiled as her nimble fingers worked on my jacket, “I love you too Babyboy. But we must be on our way.” I felt heat grow in my checks at her use of the old nickname, I was too old for it indeed… but I liked it when she used it.

She held my hand as we stepped out of the house, I felt naked. Stripped from all my clothes, displayed for all to see. My muscles tensed in anxiety as I was contemplating bouncing back to the safeness of our house before I could act on my cowardly plans, I felt my mum tightened her hold on my hand. Her eyes were patient as she coaxed me out through our front yard and into her car.

Another thing is now being ticked off my bucket list –riding a car! The interior of the car is so cool! Although the leather of the seating is a bit worn, everything else was dust-free and it smelled strongly of my mother. Also of benzene, one whiff of it had me lightheaded with an odd need to puke.

I started eating my muffin after my mum had pulled a belt thingy across my torso. Said it was a safety belt? It was highly uncomfortable and caused my wings to press against the car seat in a slightly painful way. No matter how much I complained or fussed about it, mum wouldn’t let me unclasp it. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Kyle.” I mocked her inside my head and wanted to tell her that I’d heal anyways but I was too busy drowning in the deliciousness that is known as blueberry muffins.

It took us around fifteen minutes, which passed way slower than I thought it would, I was slightly dizzy by the time we were parked in front of my new school. The car ride wasn’t so great like I imagined it to be, I was hyperaware of every move and turn the vehicle made, and the stench only got worse with the car burning off oil. Plus the sound. Oh god, that constant buzzing drove me to the edge of insanity. It was like having a bug inside my ears. The need to puke only multiplied after I digested the very tasty muffin.

I looked outside to take in the new environment of my school. The building in itself was enormous, made of clean white brick. Surrounded by greenery from what I can see. But it was fenced all around. Is that why everyone referred to it as a prison? I never got the joke… the gate was open to its full capacity and people were getting in and out of it like bees. My lord, that’s too many people…

I could hear the commotion they caused without exiting the car, some were just chatting, and a few boys were yelling and chasing each other. Is that what having friends like? “Now, Kyle, I know you’re excited, but” I was pulled back by mum’s voice, I looked at the serious expression on her face and slightly straightened myself up.

“I need you to promise me that you won’t forget our rule. Your identity must remain a secret, Kyle.” I detected a hint of fear from her tone, I nodded, realizing how important it is, to convince my mum of my safety out in the open, exposed to so many. It’s somewhat unnerving, knowing that one slipup may cost me my life.

“I promise.”

“Okay. so this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Now you get to live your dream life, go on.” She smiled encouragingly, and I looked at her questioningly stunned. Did she…. Think I’m… going to get out of the car? Oh, how delusional!

No, no. nope. Not happening. Has she gone mad? I’m not stepping out there! I’ll be eaten alive! I shrunk back into my seat. Eyebrows disappearing into my hairline as I looked at my mother in utter disbelief. For once I was glad for the overly sized jacket; made it easier to hide the faint tremble my body displayed.

“Kyle,” my mum’s voice was high in suspicion “you need to attend your classes, get out of the car!” I shook my head still looking at her with the same glint of dread in my eyes, “Um… actually, mum— let’s just go home? There is no need for this, I’m sorry I put you through the trouble… if we could just turn—”

“That’s just your nerves talking, honey. Everything will be alright, I promise. You just got to step out.” her tone was filled with humor, did she think this was funny? Well, it’s-not. If this was her coaxing method, then she was failing. I dwindled more into the jacket, listening to her ranting about my reputation getting ruined if she dragged me to class herself, or even accompanied me o the office. I wanted to scoff, tell her my reputation was already non-existent with this enormous jacket she forced me into wearing. But I didn’t because that’d be just rude, she only wanted to have peace of mind knowing I’m safe somewhere outside the house.

We sat awkwardly after she tried to talk again but I didn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say and I really, really, was hesitant to go forth with this stupid plan of mine. I was childishly sulking, I know, but I couldn’t help it. I was, truly, scared witless.

“Oh, thank god!” I heard my mum mutter under her breath before she opened the door to get out, wait what?

“Andrew! Would you wait a moment please?”

My ears perked up at the mention of his name, oh please let it be anything but what I’m thinking! “No! Mum—” by the time I realized what the hell she had up her sleeve, she was already out of my reach. Walking to a strikingly handsome, confused, Andrew.

Oh. My. God!

Andrew, in all his perfect glory, was talking back and forth with my mother, I could hear what they were saying but I had to strain my hearing to a painful degree to do so, and it seemed like they knew each other well, dare I say. I was slightly confused, then I remembered the number of years we have lived in the neighborhood just across the street from him. The town is quite small so they might have seen each other somewhere, sometime. That makes sense I guess.

Panic started to surge through me when they both turned to look at me— I doubt they can actually see me but it perturbed me all the same, then seconds later Andrew started walking towards the car. That I’m in. I allowed myself a second to take in the view of my Andrew, cladded in some black shirt, a pair of loose but still somewhat tight pants and combat boots. He looks like the stereotypical bad boy with a motorcycle except he’s my perfect Andrew and he can’t even drive. His luscious black hair reflecting the light so well, he could be a model in a walking shot and I would have believed it. But I took notice of the layer of tiredness on his face. Is he okay?

That second ended all too quickly and I found myself looking forward to one random tree, trying to calm my overdriven heart and mind. I so wished to see Andrew today. Just not in these circumstances. I wanted to present myself as confident and social. Normal. That I’m fit for him. Not some childish guy who’s too scared to start school. But when he opened my door and his scent wafted in, in steady doses and wrapped around me in a way that only happened twice before, when I heard the comforting tone in his deep voice and when he uttered my name… it was almost worth it. Almost.