Episode 22.5 Part 1. "You still ruin everything, don't you?"

“Excuse me,” Tomo said as he stepped into his grandmother’s old house.

“Tomoki, this is your father’s house. Say ‘I’m home’,” his mother told him.

“Feels weird.”

“Shouji!” Chika shouted. “We’re home! We brought Chiyo as well.”

They heard Shouji shout something back, but Tomo couldn’t make out what. Likely a welcome back.

His both sisters, Chika with her hair in a ponytail and Chiyo wearing her hair in a French braid, looked very similar now that Chika had grown up. They both took off their shoes and walked right in, seemingly with none of the sense of strangeness that Tomo felt.

“Shouji, we didn’t hear what you said!” Tomo heard Chiyo call out when she turned a corner.

Sawa walked right inside as well. It was the first time in years she had been there and the first time any of them went there after Shouji took over the house, but she looked very much at home. Tomo had a feeling she’d just go lay down in a room and laze around.

“Excuse the intrusion,” Ichirou said as he stepped in and then he sighed, seeing as the women had just walked right in and Tomo was standing in the corner, still with his shoes on.

Tomo was feeling nervous, and he was fingering the fake fur trim on his coat.

“At least take off your shoes and go inside. Kenta-kun’s family is coming over too. I saw Kouta-kun coming this way.”

Tomo nodded and sat down to take off his shoes. Ichirou put the bags he had brought from the car on the floor before he took off his shoes as well.

“Do you need help with that, Ichirou?”

“It’s fine, Shouji-kun. I’ll find my way to the kitchen. But I need help with this child.”

Tomo stood up when he heard Shouji’s voice.

Ichirou didn’t seem to mind and had changed how he addressed Shouji as well. Tomo wondered if the man had been keeping his distance from the rest, perhaps to give Tomo the space he needed. It had always been a little odd that Ichirou continued to call Sawa with an honorific after they got married.

Tomo could only feel guilt that someone even distanced themselves from their family for no good reason because of.

Shouji put his hand on Tomo’s shoulder. “Your coat’s a nice colour. Did you get a new one?”

“Ah... uh... mm.” Tomo nodded. “I’ve grown a lot.”

Ichirou laughed to himself. “You’re taller than I am now. I wonder if you’ll be as tall as Shouji-kun some day.”

“I don’t want to have to duck to walk through doors...”

Shouji ruffled Tomo’s hair. “I’m sure you’ll stop growing soon. Worry more about your boyfriend instead.”

“Excuse me.” Kouta stepped inside.

“Hikata!” Shouji took a step past Tomo to embrace Kouta.

“I’m happy to see you too, Nao, but I’m carrying a cake in one of these bags that Mikoto made, so don’t crush it.”

“Why not a cake by you, Kou?”

“Because I can’t make enough for ten people, Nao.”

While Shouji usually called Ken’s brother Hikata and Kouta called Tomo’s father Shouji, sometimes they defaulted to Nao and Kou. Tomo didn’t know when Shouji had begun going by that name among friends, but he was certain both Kouta and Shouji had been at least past middle school.

“Can’t be helped. Ichirou, I’ll take my kid then.”

“Please do.”

Shouji gently pushed Tomo forward.

“Don’t be so nervous. The house hasn’t changed since my parents moved out. They left all the heavy things.”

“Is my room still here?”

“Of course. Mum said she wanted to keep it in case you wanted to stay with me some time, so I’ve only cleaned it and changed the sheets in your bed regularly to avoid the dust to build up.”

“I could do it myself.”

“Then you better come over often.” Shouji grinned as he stopped pushing Tomo and walked beside him instead.

“Sometimes I forget you really are my father.”

“That hurts! Don’t turn out like Sawa! We don’t need more of her in our family.”

Tomo laughed. “I couldn’t be like her even if I tried.”

#

“Merry Christmas.” Ken went down on his knees and kissed Tomo’s cheek. “Merry Christmas, Tomo.”

Ken’s father, Fujita Umio, looked unhappy and disapproving. Tomo turned his face down and fingered one of his sleeves. Ken noticed Tomo’s unease and just sat down beside Tomo.

“Uncle Umio, it’s been a while,” Shouji said.

“You have really grown up, Naomichi,” Umio said as he sat down on the floor. “Thank you for inviting my family as well.”

“Don’t mention it. Kou’s like my brother and our children are very close.”

“Yes, a bit too close,” Umio said.

“Umio, I think it’s wonderful that Kenta has someone he likes seriously. Would you really prefer that he had a child at eighteen and married some random woman?” Umio’s ex-wife replied to his comment with a stiff smile.

“Shouji-nii still didn’t marry some random woman. They had a proper relationship. I keep telling you that,” Ken protested.

Shouji gave them an awkward smile.

“If,” he began, “Kenta had a child with someone he was in a relationship with, I’m sure he would be responsible. He’d provide for his family and care for the mother of his children.”

“I agree. He’d be very much like you, Shouji-kun,” Ichirou said as he put down some fruit on the table. “But this discussion is not one to have in front of the children, and this is a family gathering, so let’s make it a happy one.” He then sat down behind Umio. “It’s too bad we haven’t had the chance to meet yet. I’m Seki Ichirou and Sawa-san’s current husband. It’s very nice to meet you, Fujita-san.”

It seemed to take Umio by surprise, and he turned to the younger man. “Oh yes, nice to meet you. I’m Fujita Umio. Umio is fine, as Kouta is also Fujita.”

“Very well,” Ichirou said with a smile. It was cold and polite.

#

There was a ping and Tomo picked up his phone to see what message he had got.

“Ken, look. Yuu is with Airi! Is it a date?”

“Let me borrow your phone.”

“Okay.”

Ken wrote a message, and then he got a response.

“Seems like he’s with Minoricchi, Sakkun, Tatsumi and Susumu too. They’re going to a Christmas Party.”

“Oh,” Tomo said, a little disappointed. He had hoped Yuu was on a date with Airi.

“You got a message from… Sakuya?” Ken handed Tomo’s phone back to him.

“Itou Sakuya form my class.” Tomo looked at the message and chuckled.

“What?”

“He’s complaining about being single and having nothing to do. Ah, now it’s Ririi!”

“That super cute girl? What is she writing?”

“It’s just a picture.”

Tomo tapped the picture and turned his screen around. She had reached as far away as possible to show as much as possible. In the background, Tomo could see some girls Ririi usually talked with mixed with both boys and girls.

“Looks like she’s at a party with some friends,” Tomo added as he showed Ken. Ken took his phone.

“Let’s send a picture back!” Ken held it out and pulled Tomo to him.

“Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Of course not. Look less pouty now, Tomo!”

Tomo pursed his lips while Ken grinned. He then sent the picture. He wrote something.

“Hey, what are you writing?”

Ken grinned mischievously.

Tomo took his phone back.

TOMOKI: Hanging out with Tomo. You’re cute. Wanna hang out sometime? Kenta.

“You totally asked her out on a date!”

“No, I just wanna be friends with your super cute friends.”

“Ken!”

Kenta laughed as Tomo pouted and he wrote to Ririi.

TOMOKI: Don’t date Ken.

Lily: Lololololol. Kenta-senpai’s hot, but I don’t like guys who cling on other guys. Tell him I’ll hang out on the trip, though!

“She says she doesn’t like guys who cling to other guys.”

Ken laughed and then whispered in Tomo’s ear. “Then she should like me just fine. I don’t cling to guys. I only embrace you, my love.”

Tomo felt his cheeks heat up.

#

“I need to leave,” Umio said abruptly.

“Already?” Shouji asked, surprised.

“I have to get home and the drive is rather long.”

“I have prepared a futon for you, though,” Shouji said. Umio stared for a moment.

“Oh? I suppose I can stay the night then.”

Tomo was certain Shouji had thought of the fact Umio didn’t feel welcome to be around his ex-wife.

Unlike Shouji and Sawa’s divorce, Umio and Keiko’s hadn’t been pretty. It was clear they had trouble talking to each other.

“That makes me happy! You’re like family after all,” Shouji said with a smile.

“Thank you, Naomichi.”

“I have a request. It would be helpful if you could drive us tomorrow, dad,” Ken said. It was the first thing he had said to Umio since they had arrived. Tomo stealthily tugged Ken’s jacket, to remind him he was there if he needed it.

“Drive..?”

Ken turned to his father, smiling warmly. Tomo knew it wasn’t really the expression Ken would have, if he was honest with himself. He wouldn’t even acknowledge the man existed if he wasn’t trying to be polite.

“Some kids from Tomo’s class, Aoki Tatsuhisa from F Boys’ Middle and High School, Nomura Sayoko from my class, and I are going on a trip for a couple of days. Nomura is eighteen too. Aoki’s turning eighteen in two months. Tomo’s relatives will also be there, so we will have proper adult supervision if you worry about us being too young. I have already got permission from mum and niisan thought you’d be fine with it too. We won’t do anything strange, and girls and boys are in separate rooms. It’s a bit out of the way for you, but maybe you would drive us there.”

Tomo held onto Ken’s jacket tighter. He looked away, not able to bear the awkward atmosphere. He couldn’t even remember when Ken last mentioned he got in touch with his father. At best, it was on Ken’s birthday, but it could have been longer than that.

“I’m free tomorrow, so as long as it’s not too much of a detour, I suppose it’s fine.”

“That’s good, then.” There was a brief pause, and Tomo noticed Ken stiffened. “As long as you understand that a relationship between men is unacceptable, Kenta.”

“But Tomo is Tomo,” Ken said.

“A name doesn’t change what he is.”

All heat drained from Tomo.

Did it really become a relationship between men just because Tomo was born with a male body? Didn’t it at all matter that he didn’t feel like a boy or man? Did he need to change his body for it to be something else? He didn’t hate how he looked. He actually liked his body. He looked like ‘Tomo’. He just didn’t want to be called a man or a woman. Did he need to look completely like ‘how he felt’? How would he even want to look then? What did his identity look like? How did he find that out? How—

“Tomo! Breathe!” he suddenly heard Ken tell him. “Inhale. Then exhale.”

He looked up at Ken.

“Tomo, calm down. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. You’re fine.”

Inhale?

Tomo tried to take a breath and suddenly felt like he was choking and he started gasping for air.

Now Keiko and Umio saw there was something wrong with Tomo. Kouta too. They would disapprove of him even more. And he was causing trouble again.

Ken took Tomo’s hand. “Breathe with me, Tomo. Try to take slow breaths.”

He squeezed Ken’s hand and felt Ken squeeze back. His world that had crashed seemed to mend itself while Ken calmed him down.

#

Ken was patting Tomo’s head as Tomo was laid out on the floor. He wanted to use Ken’s lap as a pillow, but Umio was there.

“Is Tomoki ill?” Keiko asked Sawa. “Will he get better?”

Sawa looked at Shouji and Ichirou, not sure what to say.

“Tomo-kun is just fine. Just give him some space. He has episodes like these now and then, but they’re not dangerous.”

Tomo gave Ichirou a weak smile.

“Tomo, you’re just fine as you are. Don’t overthink things,” Ken mumbled.

“But what would have triggered that?” Umio asked, confused.

Tomo took the hand patting it and squeezed it.

“Isn’t it that you question their relationship? What’s wrong with it? Would you say the same if I brought a girlfriend, uncle Umio? I don’t care what you’d say — I don’t need your approval. But Tomoki is together with your son! They must be very insecure about it. Do you have to question it? And maybe they don’t even see it as a homosexual relationship.” Chiyo was angry. “I can’t be in the same house as you, so I’m leaving now.” She stood up and left the room, while saying. “It’s sad you can’t create a happy Christmas party, uncle Umio.”

Ken and Tomo followed her with their eyes, then Ken looked at his father blankly. His tone was flat when he said: “You still ruin everything, don’t you?”

But Tomo couldn’t blame Umio. It was Tomo that was the problem.

“Want to lie down in your room?” Shouji asked.

“No, here is fine. Sorry for ruining the party.”

“Tomo...” Ken began but didn’t finish when his tone sounded off.

The cheerful atmosphere was now nothing but awkward and with Ken’s hostility on full display.