Trying

Silver blades in my pocket

A ring around my neck.

A promise unspoken in my head

And smiling faces around my life.

A window I want to break

A wall I want to hit.

A drawing thats no good

And people too happy for me to bear.

Stinging ankles

And a wish for bloody wrists.

Demons silent embrace

Monsters whispering in my ears.

And an urge to kiss death.

A need for love

A want for pain.

The wish to not speak

And a night of screaming.

Tears that fall

And shaky breaths.

With a blade to my skin

I wish I could pull.

But I can't.

Take it hour by hour.

Minute by minute.

Thought by thought.

I've gotta stop this now

Before it goes too far.

The thing is

Do I even want to recover?

I want to disappear

I want the numb of a high.

The dizzy of benadryl

And the burn of liquor.

But I said I'd try

So I'm trying.

Sorry for the pain

Sorry for the ache.

I just want to be numb.