Chapter 3: Tête-à-tête

Aurelius Azure POV

It was a usual content of a person's personal diary.

Inside the diary was the everyday life works of Asha when she was little.

Even though the entry was almost the same, like how was her day ended, and how she would write all her cute rants.

I could not stop imagining what would be Asha's reaction's and movement every time her mother would scold her

How angry and irritated she would be when her playmates cheated on her while playing, maybe she would so cute at that time.

I wanted to read more of Asha's naughtiness but her entry stop and the last entry she did was when she graduated elementary.

I could not stop to wish that I could've met Asha sooner, that we could've have spend more time together, and wished that she would be by my side.

And together we would read all her naughtiness when she was little.

I chuckled at the wishful thought of mine while still staring at the last entry of her diary.

Is wishing and hoping is all that I can do? I raised my head to stop another batch of forming tears.

My lips may smile the sweetest one but my eyes and heart says the opposite of what my trembling lips trying to hide.

A mix of happiness, pain and sorrow succumbs me.

I was going to close the diary when I noticed that there's still an entry.

You wouldn't notice it because it was written after a two blank pages.

"September 16, 2019

Dear Euphoria,

It was almost 7 years the last time I had my entry.

I already graduated high school, actually, I graduated two years ago.

I spend a long time studying high school because of the K-12 program but it's okay, I know its for the betterment of our generation.

It was sad to know that I could not pursue to the higher level of education, I could be in my second year of chosen field, Education.

I always wanted to be a teacher. But what can I do? Mother can't help me to send me to college and besides, I'm sick.

I don't want to burden mother anymore. It's totally fine with me to stop.

I would not let mother worry about my fees if I pursue, my medicine's bill is already a burden.

But you know what Euphoria, I think I forgot someone who is so dearly to me beside my mother.

There were no traces of his existence but it felt like, he really did exist because they were passing memories of him on things that looks so familiar to me.

Asha"

Asha really do have illness, but what kind of illness? And who is this person she was talking about?

Is her illness is the reason why she only spends her time here in my room when I eat?

And she would be in the garden spending some time? Asha, is there something more than this?

A knocked on my door got me back from my reverie and the voice of my nanny, Asha's mother, can be heard asking if she can come in and I said yes.

I closed Asha's diary and ran to my bed to hid it under my pillows.

The door went open just in time I had already hid her diary.

"I brought you food because your mother said you hadn't ate anything since breakfast and its almost lunch now" Nanny carmen said

as I walked towards her to help carry the food carrier and lead her to the mini table just outside my balcony.

We both sat comfortably while facing each other "How about Asha nanny Carmen?" I asked her while I bowed my head to hid my face.

I felt embarrassed in front of Asha's mother. It felt like, I am also one of the reasons why her daughter, the woman we both loved so dearly, died.

I heard her inhaled a deep breath like a breath of relief, a breath of without pain, pain of losing a daughter.

"Why are you hiding your face Azure?" she said lovingly as she held my head using both of her hands to lift my head up.

I looked at her eyes with guilt. "stop crying Azure" she said as I stayed silent and she rub my tears away using her thumbs, still with loving eyes.

"How could you look at me with gazes like that nanny Carmen?" I asked her as I hold her hands and feel them

"Why can't I Azure? What gazes would you like to get from me?" She asked as she withdraw her hands from me and ruffles my already ruffled hair while chuckling a little

"Anything but not gazes like I am not the reason for Asha's death" I said as I start to pick up my spoon and stir it at the porridge in front of me

"Silly boy. I am gazing like this at you because you are not the reason" nanny Carmen said as she rest her back on the chair and look at a place with a smile, sideways.

I looked at where she was looking at, those blue tulips again.

I felt irritated as I've remember where did Asha got those blue tulips.

She got those from an unknown man in which she can't remember, but I can't totally hate those tulips

Asha planted those tulips in our garden where I live because this is where she wanted to leave her love and presence.

She entrust her love and loyalty on the place where we had our memories started

"Asha also planted some of those blue tulips in our province" nanny carmen said which made me look at her direction

and I found out that she was looking at me as she said those words.

"I don't why she planted some of it there but she did saying that, it feels like she should also plant her presence there"

She added which formed a lots of why's such as why would she also plant those blue tulips there?

"Asha was left alone living in the province when her father died because of brain tumor" nanny Carmen admitted while pouring water on my empty glass

"which unfortunately Asha inherited and the solely reason why she died at a young age" nanny Carmen added and puts back the glass pitcher

"Asha's illness was triggered and got worse when she got into an accident on the day of her Senior High school graduation" nanny carmen added and rest her back again at the chair

"I didn't know" I said as I took my fifth spoon of food then suddenly the savory chicken porridge becomes savorless, tasteless.

put back my bowl of porridge back into the food tray

"Are you done? You eat so little" nanny carmen commented as she stands up and clean the little droplets of the soup and I just nodded to her question.

"After I clean the dishes, I'll be fixing Asha's funeral" she said as she pick up the tray and was ready to go.

I also stood up and went to the door to open it for her.

Just as she was outside the door and I was about to closed it, nanny carmen asked something that made me stop and swallow an invincible lump on my throat

"What are your plans now? You can't stay like this until Asha's last day of funeral" she asked

"Asha's last day will be three days from now" she added.

She's right, I can't stay like this. Asha wouldn't like it either, but what should I do next?

"I-I am going to visit the hospital" I said as it was a safe answer for me

"I'm going to check something there" I added which earned a nod from her as a sign of agreeing

"Okay, be careful and I am looking forward for your visit before Asha will finally bid her last goodbye" she said and smiled before turning her back on me.

I closed the doors with a heavy sigh. I will go visit Asha but not now, I still don't have the courage.

I went to the bathroom to get ready to go the hospital where Asha had her last breath.