Chapter 9

Sandra narrates

Dereck Beckers was in front of me, his hair was darker but I can't believe it he was dead I went to his funeral but it can't be I feel sad and disappointed in Dereck my life was never normal but from one moment to another everything is worse I'm funny to realize how stupid I was but at the same time it hurts, I don't know what to say, hello? Maybe my conscience whispers but my heart says give him a kiss I know you want to do it and my mind tells me you are an idiot who cried for a dead man who did not even exist but the hell I was going to know, fuck it makes me angry he does not speak and I do not exist either Such a dense silence I want to say a lot but I can't find the exact words. Is this silence necessary? I do not know I have so many questions I am stunned I look at him and I do not know what I feel I am short of breath in my eyes a tear falls one that I cannot control and after that there are many more that come Dereck approaches and brushes his thumb across my cheek catching one of my tears his eyes and mine connected but I couldn't say I think I no longer had the strength to do so I didn't want to talk to him but I didn't feel like venting with him.

Dereck _ I called him he looked at me

I do not want to talk to you I do not want to ask you anything today I do not want to go home to sleep and take a bath, eat this calm and we will talk because I have so many doubts but today I do not need to clarify, tomorrow it is fine but today please let me go _ I asked him with certain tranquillity

Precious I understand I will respect the fact that we do not speak today but you will not go you will not go to that dirty house where you live with him you understand you will stay here I will send you food and clothes and clean you will go to a room where you will sleep and you will be here at least a few days _ he said with some harshness in his voice

I decided to shut up, I did not say anything, he took me to a nice room where he left me clean clothes, I bathed and changed when I came out of the bathroom, there was already food on the bed, I dined immersed in my thoughts and I also fell asleep without knowing what would happen tomorrow.

"Without grudges but with memory"