1. New Brother

It suck, the day my life gets more annoy. Today my mood got worse again. Shit! Why does he always make me angry and embarrassed at the same time.

"Nana ..." he called softly across the door. I purposely locked the door after school. Though I sure he couldn't possibly dare to enter without my permissions.

"Nana .. sorry .." his voice disappear at the end. A second of guilt land in my head but quickly brush it off. Reminded me that I really angry right now. I can't stand it, more than fifteenth minutes he always repeat sorry behind the door. Annoy, I left, still in my school uniform.

"Shut up! Never call me Nana, Tantri! Call me Rey!" my voice rise uncontrollable. I can no longer hide my cruel face, my ego still dominate so I don't care if someone in front of me is shaking with tear. "Cry again, are you a girl?!"

BLAM

I slam the door to tell him that I was angry with him. I don't care anymore if papa punish me after this. I don't care, papa punisment is not worth the chaos of my life after someone named Tantri eh Tandrie come and confiscate all of Papa' affections.

Reyna Kusuma Atmaja, everyone know me as a lucky girl. Good academic, well-established family, only child and of course the affections of the papa-mama. Since I was in junior high school, my mother has becomes more piouses and no longer dress up like socialites. Without coercions, papa-mama motivated me to wear the hijab. I? Just ignored it. Because I not like cute girly girls, I tends to be tomboy and hijab makes me look gracefully. I amused at the thought.

Duar! My life was like be strucks by lightning that morning. A stranger was present at our breakfast. The first impressions I met was that he look shabbys, his shoulder-length hair was messy, I am not sure she was a girl. But also doubts he is a boy.

"Nana, come sit down. This is your brother, Tandrie." Mama's gentle word do not take off my surprise. What do mom say? Brother? Is this a dream? Oh God! This is nightmare!

"Ma ... what do you say, mama?" I failed to sit down, this morning' conversations still surprise me. I have a brother? Wait, so mama pick up a child who is older than me. What for?

"Sorry dear, before mama marriage with your papa actually already had a child. He separate from mama and followed his father to Thailand. Now, Tandrie will live with us."

"Really good, right, now want to hang out here?" I said sarcasm, whoops! It's too hard to control. Even though I always try to be polite and be a cute child in front of papa and mama.

"Nana!" I hurt with papa's high tone. Papa is bad, why are you shout at Nana?

"Why don't you just accept that? Nana is no mood to have an older brother, lets alone a craps! Nana is comfortable be the only child" my tone turn out to trigger argument at our peacefully breakfast. I caught a glimpses of Tandrie's figure, his shoulder shaking softly. I think he's holding back his tear, huh! I think I'll be the antagonists for him.

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"Morning, Rey!" a masculine voice crossed my ears. It's a normal greeting, but if it's from Martin, how come it feels specials. Blush ... my cheeks flushed without realizing it.

"Morning too, Martin." I answered as normal as possible. Ouch, papa-mama have repeatedly given lectures about dating. Ah never mind! How can you stand it if there is a figure as handsome as Martin? He is student president, by the way.

"Morning, Tandrie. You look excited today?" wait why is the greeting to the damn Tantri longer ? And what, Martin prefers the Tantri! Isn't it enough to steal papa's attentions, why should you be Martin too?

"Uh-huh." Tantri only answered briefly. Be aware if you dare to flirted with Martin. Your life is finished. Early in the morning my annoyances appear, quickly kick the tables and sat in my chair. Exactly two line behind the Tantri.

I am annoyed, it's not enough Tantri invade the house, he is now in the same classes as me in the tenths grade of a public high school in this city. I don't want to know, why at the age of eighteenth he just enter high school. But he not seems eighteenth years old, more like e ... fifteenth years old ?Okay, I admit I am jealous of his flawless white skin, his natural face makes many people, both male and female, looking at her face never bored. Doubled shit, right?

At school, no one know that Tantri is my step brother. I've threatened Tantri. And at school, my relationship with Tantri is a bully and a victim of bullying. I used every opportunity to bully my unwanted brother. He never complained, resisted or simply avoided me. This also frustrates me. I am annoy, because now I am no longer the good girl either at home or at school. I never knew and not want to know, Tantri was happier or more miserable now than with her father in Thailand.

"Na, uh-Rey." He is always nervous when talking to me. I chirped briefly, his wrists still blue. I know why, even though papa mama not suspect me at all, so far.

"What?" I said curtly

"I..I make some snacks." He put down the tray filled with chocolate bananas he made, not forgetting a bowl of fruit soup served so appetizing. To be honest, I really hungry, but I'll take care of the workshops that I put together soon. Worried that if I interrupted the idea would disappear, "Don't push, Rey." He said attentively

"TJust go away! Don't disturb me!. I still hate you!" It's not like I not see the hurt look in his beautiful eyes, it's just that I still haven't accepted how he easily grabs the attentions of the people I love. I burning with jealousy. Now my beffort is double, the presence of Tantri makes me have to be extra hard to be noticed. The flames of jealousy flared up even more when Tandrie is ranked better than me at the time of receiving the report cards last semester, our scores were only twelve points away. I roared not accept, of course everything I do behind the papa-mama and Tantri do not complain at all. Good, huh!

"Um ... delicious." I said unconsciously, and reflexively my hand again reached for the chocolate banana. There are times when Tandrie is so concerned, guilt bursts up. I not blind to trying to reach my heart from the first day I set foot in this house. Moreover, papa also gave the room right in front of my room as Tandrie's room. So that we get along, that is the because of dad. Mama never absent every night visiting Tandrie's room, it just made me jealous.

My memory floated on that night, I could not ignored the sound of soft crying from Tandrie's room.

"Ma, is Tandrie really destined like this?" his voice is so weak and he look very tired.

"Honey, whatever your care, son. You are still the mama pride a, you are perfect for mama. No matter how different you are from other people." Ah, mama! You are the greatest mama in the world. I couldn't stop myself from eavesdropping.

"But ma, Tandrie feels guilty. Tandrie is not like Reyna whose sexual identity and orientation are clear."

I stunned, so all this time he is not crying because of my cruel treatment to him. But, what does that means by ...? my mind began to imagine everywhere

I admit I am a tomboy, it is solely because of the view that a tomboy girl is cooler, there is no need to be excited about all the complicated details of exorbitant fashion. Besides, I think that tomboy teaches that be a girl must emphasize one's abilities, not the body. And of course I still blush when there's a handsome guy.

But for Tandrie, the darkness of jealous fire had spurred me from observing my step brother closely. Now I just gasped, Tandrie has androgynous face. He is both handsome and beautiful. Plus puberty doesn't have a significant effect on gaining muscle mass makes me doubted Tandrie is a boy. Hush! I quickly brush off that Tandrie is a girl because when he went to school, her uniform is long pants not a long skirt.

"Honey, do you remember your promise?" Mom made a sound after all this time

"Of course mama."

"Mind over matter."

"Hmm?"

"Strong mind could overcome physical barriers. Focus on changing, give yourself reasons to endure the change process. Remember dear, Tandrie Suhendi is a man, no matter how similar you are to a woman."

"Please, forgive me, ma .." I swept away with their conversations. I am proud to admits that from Tandrie I learned to be grateful even though it is only as trivial as gender identity clarity.

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Na, if you know. A sibling is something that you hate, something that make you have a rival, something that reason your life never flat. But whatever, sibling is rival that you and not life without. You will hate and somehow you love them too much.