Icarus, Sun's Lover

Warning: The content of this chapter might be triggering for some people. Do not proceed if you are sensitive to the topic (Suicide). You have been warned.

Please feel free to correct my writings! :)

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"So, what's your wish?"

The baritone voice caught my attention, moving my gaze to his pair of onyx orbs. His dazzling smile enchants me, making me unable to turn away from the ethereal view. The sunlight warmly reflects on his porcleain skin, making it glows so divinely.

The tint of blush decorate his chiselled cheeks. The usual pale lips are now looks pinkish, beautifully surround his pearly white teeth.

The smell of fresh grass hit my sense of smell as the small little blades gently tickle my cheek. I move my lips, curving up to reply the smile to him, "You do know what my wish is".

I can see his smile falter as his beautiful eyes begin to get glassy. The falter smile now begins to get wider, contradict with his sorrowful onyx orbs that are letting out tears, "You know I can't fulfil that wish for you."

My smile slowly fades as my breath hitches, preventing any air to come inside my lungs. My heart feels like it had been stabbed repeatedly because of his rejection. I scoot closer to him, eliminating every gap between our laying bodies. I slowly lift my hand and move to envelope his, the one that is currently resting on his stomach. I start to feel the surface of his beautiful hand, tracing every bump of his veiny knuckle. My digits keep on running on each of the vessels as if trying to remember every part of him. Desperately trying to note how the unstraight lines are shapes on the surface of his pale hand.

My eyes start to roam on his face, trying to record every detail of his adonis feature. His thin perfect lips that always shown multiple smiles at me, so many times that I had lost count. His tall and pointy nose that often giving me adorable sniffle kisses. His clear and intoxicating onyx orbs that often sparkle in delight every time the pair met mine. The clear and pure eyes that look at me in adoration, that shows how special I am to him.

My vision begins to blur as I keep on gazing them, blocking my view from the man I love the most. Blocking the view of my sun as his shine is slowly fading away. Sobs begin to come out from my mouth, remembering how little our time left to be with each other.

I wish you can be with me for eternity. I wish you can be by my side forever. I never thought I will lose you this soon. I never thought the deity can be this cruel to us. I never thought death do us apart this soon.

Can they just take me instead of him? Can they just take my life instead of his? Or, can they just take mine as well when they take his? I don't think I can handle the pain of him gone from my life. I don't think I will be able to live when the time for him to fade has come.

"Can I come? Can I wish that instead? Can you let me fulfil my wish to follow you?" I plead as I close my eyes, letting my tears to pool on my temple, "I don't think I can move on once you're gone. I don't think I can go on once I realized half of me are not in this world anymore. I don't think I can live once I escort you to the final resting place. I don't think I will revolve the same once the sun of my world is gone."

I turn my body, embracing him as my tears are leaking profusely. He immediately replies with his gentle touch, trying to soothe me with his presence. But I can't. Not when I know I will lose the sun of my universe. Not when I know my world will stop rotating the moment my sun dies.

"I'm sorry for leaving first. I apologize for not being able to accompany you for the rest of your life. I'm sorry for letting the sun in your universe die first." His sorrow voice keeps on apologizing to me, making me sobs harder, "I'm sorry for not being able to take you with me."

"But please, to try at least to live without me. Please believe that I will keep on protecting you from up there. Please believe that I will always embrace you with my sunlight from up there. Please, stop remembering the painful part of me. I love you so much that it's impossible to take you with me." He says as his lips now linger on my forehead. He then gives me a series of kisses on the surface as his sobs broke, "I love you so much that I wish you can move on."

Then he gently lifts my head to look at him, making me flutter open my eyes to look at his ethereal face. He let out a soft smile to me, enchants me with his gentle touch, "Promise me to live and move on. Promise me to keep ongoing. The sun is always there to look out for you. Please remember that."

His soft voice and gentle gaze entice me, his reassurance soothes my heart, making me let out a weak nod at him. My small movement makes his smile turns wider, "Thank you, my Icarus."

.

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My feet begin to glide forward as my eyes keep on looking to the grey sky, desperately trying to find the sun. The nothingness of the edge of the skyscraper stops me from moving forward, turning my gaze to look down into the city view from above. I can see tiny colourful lights on the ground. Some of it is flickering while the rest keeps on shining. Some of it is moving while the rest keeps staying still.

The view tantalizes me to take another step, to reach them with my hands. The grey sky persuades me to move forward, to claim the light that is shining underneath me. To claim the light that is gone from the vast cloudy sky.

My eyes turns to the cloudy sky, trying to find the light one last time. My heart feels like it's been stabbed repeatedly because of disappointment to the deities in the sky. Isn't it cruel, God? To not let me see the sun for the last time? Isn't it cruel not to let the sunlight envelope me one last time? Isn't it cruel not to let him embrace me one last time?

My dear sun,

I'm sorry that I can't keep my promise to you. Please believe me that I've tried. I've tried so hard to move forward without your presence. I've tried so hard to revolve around my sunless universe. I've tried so hard to rotate my world without your light. But it's hard. It's so dark without your light shines on my world. My world seems to be devoured by the endless darkness of my universe. The nothingness swallows my will to survive.

I can't. I can't keep on doing this. I can't keep on living aimlessly like this.

I'm sorry for giving up. I'm sorry for not trying harder. Please forgive me.

The Icarus needs his sun to live.

What's the meaning of life if the life of the Icarus is enveloped in the eternal darkness while knowing his sun already died, not able to envelope him into the warm embrace of his sunlight anymore?

I crave for that warm light. I crave for that warm embrace. I crave for you.

So, I'm sorry for being weak. I'm sorry for craving you this much. Please forgive me. Please accepts me back once I see you up there. Please embrace me with your light once we see each other again.

To the beloved Sun of my life. Is it heaven up there?

Because it's hell down here without your presence.

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Inspired by Icarus and a lyric from a song, Palace - Heaven Up There. Do check it them out! They have good songs!

Thank you for reading my work!

I sincerely hope you enjoy my writing :)