Doing it on the battlefield is a bit... kinky

It wasn't long before Eric arrived at the valley. The very same place he first came to when he was teleported here. This was the place where the battle commenced. Eric scouted the area before he found a perfect hill a bit further away, from where he could stand and watch the battle like the true overlord he was.

Perfection. As Eric arrived at the top, the whole valley unfolded before him. Stretching his hand out, Eric sighed, "This is a befitting place to die. I first arrived here and I will leave here..."

An oncoming headache overtook Eric. This final climax was bothersome. Eric hoped Fil realised this was just a story and not real. Afterwards, they would get teleported back to the Demon World anyways. Fil just needed to edit this part.

Eric sat down and enjoyed the nice breeze that blessed this peaceful place before the storm hit and ragged this beautiful scenery. So, how was Eric going to play the villain? Should he just wing it or be serious? At this point, the plot was all over the place anyways.

Was there any use to be serious? Eric literally became the hero's lover and much R-rated stuff happened! Just thinking about it made Eric red with shame.

Either way, since no system popped up and said he had to edit the story successfully, Eric just assumed he had to finish it. If it became popular or not, it'd be edited on paper. On paper!

And the actual story world? For fuck's sake! Eric just wanted to leave here and find comfort in his wonderful king-sized bed where there were no superheroes or cultivators, but well... demons...

Suddenly, horns echoed and the sky brewed an ominous colour. Marching steps were heard and the neighing of horses captured everyone's attention. Seeing that sight in front of him, Eric's face blanked. What the actual fuck? Hey, why, hey, HEY!

This was a proper superhero and cultivator story, why the fuck do you go to war like in the old medieval times? What's with those stupid weapons and old-fashioned armours? What the hell was up with this setting? Eric slapped his face and wanted to disappear. So are we going to throw the actual premise away?

Battle screams tore Eric's mind apart. He had no reaction left. Just fight with your fucking powers! In front of him, just like in old war times, two sides stood against each other. The superheroes clad in red on their horses and the cultivators in blue on their horses.

In the first place, why do you need horses? Couldn't you just fly? And where did so many horses come from? In your training areas, there weren't any uniforms, armours or horses! Did you use your power to summon this shit?

After the initial battle screams, a drop-dead silence overtook everything. It was so quiet that only the howling of the wind appeared. Yeah, yeah, why the hell do you gotta be so dramatic as well?

A few minutes passed before Eric saw Fil marching between those two sides. Why the hell do you look like you're stirring them on? Why the fuck does it look like they're fighting over you?

Play by the damn non-existent script you weren't given! Come here, you bastard wannabe hero demon!

"Fil!" proud and mighty himself, Eric stood on top of the hill overseeing the war.

"Teach!" like an obedient red dragon, Fil instantly flew to Eric and sat next to him.

"Teach, I was looking for you. You were here. It's a nice spot."

"Aren't you supposed to stop them and be the hero? Why does it seem like you are the instigator?"

"Weren't we the actual culprits?"

Eric was stunned by Fil's rare intelligence and this was a wonderful opportunity.

"Do you want to stop them?"

"Sure, I'm waiting for you to give me the signal," Fil honestly answered.

"Really?" Eric narrowed his eyes and behold! He brought out his more than 20 years of fake white lotus actual scum accumulated acting that could create a superior award show than the Oscars to play the villain!

Magnificent! The moment Eric waited for. Like a true villain, Eric laughed, "Ahahahah!"

His laughter echoed across the whole battlefield. Fuck, is this embarrassing!

"Teach, are we going to stop them before the war breaks out?"

"Stop them?"

Eric's voice became dark and mocking, his angel face made way for the evil overlord shitting his 27th big fat dump within a second majestic expression, contorted with thin fat rolls and fine lines that even his eyes narrowed to non-existent slits, Eric ridiculed Fil, "Why stop them? When a beautiful blood bath's about to unfold!"

"Teach?" confused Fil had no idea what was going on. His boner also instantly disappeared the second he saw that shitlord's imitation, but Eric was still attractive, ok?

"Everyone! Your hero has spoken!" now Eric's voice increased in magnitude and he screamed, "Let the war begin. Only the true side shall emerge as the victor and stand beside the great hero! Fight! Fight till you rip out your lungs, crush your heart and splatter your blood as a sign of superiority!"

Once Eric's words faded, silence overtook. Only for a second, in the next, hell was let loose. The two sides who unknowingly faced each other were now attacking. It was just as Eric said. A gory sight unfolded.

"Teach? What's going on?" Fil wanted to stand up as Eric stripped his outer robe.

N-No way, his teach wanted to do it here? No matter how kinky Fil could be for Eric this was still... still the best way to show everyone Eric belonged to him!

What better way to assert dominance over everyone else? Fil jumped up and with a solemn face said, "I'm ready. Let's do it."

"Oh? Good," Eric slung his robe around his hand and-SLAP-

Slapped Fil thrice across the face.

W-Was this foreplay? S&M? BDSM? Was his teach this kinky? No way, did Fil misread Eric?

Was Eric actually a S? A top? Should Fil be the bottom? No, no, Eric was too fragile to bone Fil! Fil had to set the priority straight before-

"Eh?" face down, Fil found his arms tied behind his back.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the rope or whatever off him. Eric watched with satisfaction the black and blue cursing energy pounding Fil's arms. Yes, it was this convenient. As the villain and Demon King's successor he obviously should've been hiding his demon powers all along and at the final moment unleashed in front of the whole world!

"It's useless to struggle," Eric resumed his fake villain act, "No matter how hard you try you can't free yourself."

Then Eric pulled Fil up and made him sit facing the battlefield.

Fil blinked. So Eric wasn't a kinky top and wanted to do it doggy style here? Although Fil was a top, he was still disappointed he couldn't sleep with Eric this instant.

"What are you planning to do?" unknowingly Fil played along.

"Just watch how the superheroes and cultivators eradicate themselves all thanks to your stupidity. Do you really think I was on your side? Foolish hero, I was just pretending and exploiting you!"

Fil was more than ever confused. Did the story character took over Eric? What the hell was going on?

"What do you mean?"

"Just watch them all perish and writhe in guilt and regret," Eric had no clue either why the hell he was talking like this.

When Eric was done with Fil, he gazed down at the battlefield and almost fainted from shock. This was a brutal and gory sight. Severed heads and limbs, pools of blood and intestines covered the whole ground. Eric had to endure this and continue to play the villain? Which sane villain would want this? Ah yes, him...

"It's time to witness the true destruction!"

There were only a few hundred soldiers and the kings on each side left from the thousands there were at the beginning. Eric decided he had to deal the final blow himself. So, using his demon powers, Eric actually enjoyed being strong and having powers hehehe, he descended from the hill and walked in the air. Ah, look how convenient having power is, why can't cultivators live like this forever?

Of course minus the death. As Eric's beautiful figure, kissed by the sunlight giving him a halo, walked towards them, the entire battlefield froze.

Seeing this, the corners of Eric's lips rose, "You all have done a great job slaughtering each other. Now I will take the heads of both kings as my gratitude for abiding me to destroy humanity."

With this, a large ball of concentrated power formed above Eric. Everyone could see, being hit by this... they'd literally be nuked off the earth!

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Don't. Just don't ask me what went on in my head.

I have no clue either. I swear, while proofreading this, even I thought I was possessed when I wrote this... by a... by Frozen Milk.

Lemme wallow in shame.