Chapter 26

A car cruised past Howard as he approached his home but his head was hanging low almost staring at his feet while he walked that he barely caught a glimpse of the vehicle or whoever sat behind the wheel as it drove past him. Besides that, his head was running a kaleidoscope of outrageous and convoluted imagery that it was some relief he managed to find his way back to his house and did not continue walking off into the night.

He walked across his lawn not minding the wet grass as it brushed his ankles. He was not all that surprised to find his front door standing halfway open, courtesy of when he had stormed out of the house too caught up in his emotions to care as he hurried to confront his friend. Now that he had expelled all that bottled-up rage, he could not think of what next to do as he walked past the door into the warm comfort of his home. He sauntered into the living room undecided whether or not to venture further. He listened to the silence. April would probably be asleep by now . . . or even still awake. She had not made any effort to stop him when he left the room. He was confused of what to make of her. He could not even make up better words to qualify her now. Was she still his wife or something else?

He kicked his feet out of his slippers and sat down on his favourite reclining couch and sighed into his hands. He rested his head and shut his eyes for a moment. All he saw behind his eyelids were explicit images of April wrestling in the arms of another man. He pictured her locked in the wanton arms of a brutish black man who set about ravishing her like she was nothing to him except a sex toy. Everything he imagined seemed way off from his feelings: all juxtaposed with what he had imagined when he watched the video of Jenny getting banged. To think that such actions had happened to April . . . he just could not wrap his head around it.

"Howard."

He forgot that his hands were shielding his eyes and he thought he had imagined his name been called out until he pulled his hands away and saw April standing beyond the living room standing in a silhouetted frame by the light coming from the passageway. She ventured into the living room calling his name again.

"I hear you," he said.

She came and stood beside him. He could not make out her face in the darkness and figured neither could she of his.

"Come on," she said. "Let's go and get some sleep."

She took his hand and he did not make any fuss at resisting. Howard let her pull him to his feet and went with her upstairs.

They returned to the bedroom and this time it was April who shut the door while Howard went without a word to his side of the bed and sat down and slipped his feet out of his slippers before getting into bed. April switched off the lights before coming to join him. She murmured good night to him; Howard did not respond. He turned over on his shoulder with his back towards her and she too did the same. Except for their breathing neither bothered turning over. April hugged herself under the sheets grappling with her thoughts lost in speculation whether to turn and comfort him. But then again she was afraid of starting a fight she foresaw would not end till morning. She opted leaving him alone instead and forced herself into sleep. Howard, too, lay on his side feeling lonesome and yet lost in his sweltering emotions. He kept looking over his shoulder, almost expecting April to come to him. He barely knew when sleep took over and swept everything else from his mind.