Nine

"Ah. I feel like I was whipped around in a tornado and dropped to the ground just now." Jaehyeon let out an exhausted breath as he plopped onto his bed in the hotel room that we were sharing.

I was already lying on my bed, arms outstretched, staring hard at the ceiling. Physically, I could feel the fatigue but mentally, I was wide awake. "Hyung, did you see how full the venue was?" Like recalling images from a dream, I could still see it- the dancing lights, the sea full of faces before us shouting for us, the unfamiliar stage, the noise, the adrenaline rush.

Our first international live…

"I saw it." He looked at me seriously. "We were sold-out, Jeongwoo."

Our first international live and we were already sold-out. "'To You' is 17 on the Top 100 list. 'Yeongweonhi Norae' is 24th. 'Kkeum Eh Seo' and 'Where We Are' have also made it onto the list." I stated the facts we had been informed of immediately after day one of our concert. "Is this what a good break feels like? Ah. I can't feel my legs."

"I'm pretty sure that that's just exhaustion." He chuckled, stood up, came over and dropped onto my bed beside me on his stomach, one arm and a leg over me. "Just like I am."

"But, Hyung." It was all still overwhelming for me. "We-"

"Yes, Jeongwoo. We did it. S.T.A.Y's made it so far. We have really made it this far."

Having always watched 04:00 am and Changmin like I had, I had long since wondered when our- my- chance would come. While all of us were aiming for this in one way or another, I guess it was more personal for me because of Changmin and 04:00 am.

I had to catch up. And it finally felt as though I was getting closer.

I hugged Jaehyeon. "Hyung."

Blue Ink was the album that would bring S.T.A.Y into the limelight.

"Ah. That's right. Hanseol's doing a Live tonight. He should have started already. Do you want to pop in?"

I was awake and willing but, "Hyung, I meant it when I said that I couldn't feel my legs." I had been lying in place all this while for a reason.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I can't feel my brain. I think I'm still jet-lagged."

"It's been 4 days already. How can you still be jet-lagged?" I laughed a little. "You're just tired."

"Maybe." He nodded. "I think I will just sleep."

"Go to your bed and sleep then, Hyung." I shrugged to get free of his hold but he did not let go. "Hyung-aaahhh!"

"Just stay still, won't you?" He laughed.

"No! Ah!"

We were just fooling around. This was our way of bringing ourselves down to Earth after a heart-racing performance like the one that we had just had today. It was also our way of comforting ourselves when we were exhausted to the point of numbness. None of the five of us really respected each other's personal spaces anyway. Well, maybe except for Hanseol.

S.T.A.Y was family.

"Wait. Wait." I stopped all movement when I heard my phone ringing. "My phone."

"Mm." He stopped moving but did not let go.

"Pass it. It's on your side." I knocked him on the arm. Without a word, he picked it up and passed it over, his eyes now closed.

"Oh?" I paused for a bit when I saw the call.

"What?"

"It's Hyung."

"Changmin Sunbae? What's so surprising about that?"

"It's a video call."

"Video…? What time is it?"

"It's 12:15 here. Then… it's 01:15 there." Why was he even…

"Answer it instead of staring at it, Jeongwoo." He urged me.

I answered it and held the phone up to show my face. I was still lying down. It took a moment for the call to connect, then Changmin's smiling face appeared on the screen. "Jeongwoo-ya, hey!"

"Hey." I rubbed my right eye and smiled. "Why did you call?"

"I wanted to check in and see how you were doing. You're all the way over in Singapore. It was your first international live." He stated. "How was it?"

I could see his all-time favourite football club's poster on the wall behind him. He was in his room in 04:00 am's dorm. He was still dressed in outdoor clothes though. "It was… amazing. Now I know what you feel like."

He chuckled. "Didn't it tire you out?"

"More than usual but… it feels good. It felt really good."

"I know what you mean." He leaned back against the wall. "I'm really so proud of you, Jeongwoo."

I felt very bad and guilty when I thought about it. I don't think I had ever done anything like this when Changmin had gone for his first international stage or when 04:00 am got their first win. I had merely congratulated him when I ran into him next, just like everyone else had done.

… Apparently, I was more upset about having been left behind than I would have liked to admit.

"I'm proud of you too, Hyung." The least that I could do was say it to him now. Just as much as his pride in me mattered to me, I was hoping that my pride in him mattered to him.

"You had better be." He chuckled, then frowned and strained to look at something on my end. "Wha… Whose hand is that?"

Oh. "It's Jaehyeon Hyung." I turned my phone down a little to show him. Jaehyeon had his face turned away and did not turn to look at the phone either.

"Is he asleep?"

"He wasn't till you called." I raised myself a little and checked. His eyes were closed, I lay back down then. "Well, he is known for falling asleep fast."

"Why is he on your bed?"

"He gets clingy when tired." I chuckled.

"I get very annoyed when tired." Changmin scowled. "If anyone tries to get close to me at that point, I will shoo them away."

"That's so mean, Hyung."

"What? If I'm tired, I want to rest. I want to sleep."

"Look. Jaehyeon Hyung is sleeping just fine." I pointed out.

"Mm. Maybe if it's Jeongwoo-ya, I would not have minded either." He smiled. "I should be used to you."

"That was more than 4 years ago, Hyung." I reminded him.

"Still. Ah, but thinking about it now… I was not so irritable when tired back then."

"That is true." I couldn't recall even one incident like that. "But then again, there's also the fact that the degree of 'tired' is also different now."

"Mm. Can't disagree with that."

"Then, Hyung, shouldn't you be resting now? Or rather, sleeping?"

"Now?" He shook his head. "I wanted to see how you were feeling. Today was important for S.T.A.Y, after all."

That was… sweet of him. "Did you just get back to your dorm, Hyung?"

"Yes. We had a shoot today."

"And morning? When do you have to be up?"

"Around… 04:30 am?" He sighed. "It's okay. I want to talk to you now."

"Hyung…" What was with him really? "What happened all of a sudden? We were doing fine the past 4 years- meeting occasionally, talking occasionally. And now you suddenly miss me?"

"I had never really thought about it actually." He scrunched up his nose. "When 04:00 am happened, I was a little disappointed that you weren't with me but then I got so busy... Before I realised it, I was missing your phone calls and replying to your texts too late. Then S.T.A.Y debuted and you got busy too. Your calls and texts reduced. It became normal for us. When I came back from the world tour this time and saw you standing there in the corridor though… S.T.A.Y's doing really well. Blue Ink is a huge success. You… You're on your way up. So, when I saw you that day… I suddenly realised that we had grown apart. I have always missed you but I don't want to miss you anymore."

I grimaced. "Hyung, what the hell? You don't want to miss me anymore?"

"Don't you want to not miss me anymore too?" He asked innocently.

"Uh huh. But what can we possibly do about that?"

"This." He shook his phone a bit.

I'll be honest. I had initially tried keeping in touch with him after 04:00 am debuted. It was Changmin who had gotten so busy. Back then, I had not fully understood how busy he was and it was only when S.T.A.Y debuted that I came to really experience it. Our professional lives had become our personal lives and as long as 04:00 am and S.T.A.Y remained, there was little scope for change. I had pretty much just resigned myself to accepting that. But it looked like, while I was the one who felt left behind, I had also failed to keep up.

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Thanks for the call, Hyung. This really means a lot to me."

"I know." He nodded. "You're in-"

"Changmin-ah!" Someone called in the background, making Changmin turn away from the screen and towards that person. "Where are- Oh. You're on a call? Who is it?"

Jaemin Sunbae? It sounded like him.

"Jeongwoo." Changmin replied.

"He's in Singapore right now, isn't he?" Jaemin Sunbae came closer and soon appeared on-screen, throwing an arm over Changmin's shoulders and beaming at me. "Yo, Jeongwoo-ya! How's it going?"

"Sunbae." I smiled. "It was good. We have tomorrow also but today went really well."

"Were you nervous?" He asked. "Ah. I remember that I was so nervous for our first international stage that I couldn't get out of the bathroom. Till the last minute."

"Really?" I laughed. "We were all very nervous but it wasn't all that bad. Just that Yeojun kept drinking a lot of water but we were fine otherwise."

"That's good then. And, oh, 'To you' is right behind our 'Pacemaker'!"

"We aren't competing." Changmin looked at him.

"I know. I'm just appreciating." Jaemin Sunbae told him and then turned to me again. He had put his hair up in front as always and had already changed into home-wear clothes. Changmin had probably called me when Jaemin Sunbae had gone in to change. "Where's everyone else?"

I turned the phone to show him Jaehyeon, then spoke. "The others are in their rooms. Hanseol's doing a Live at the moment."

"Oh, yeah. Youngjae had mentioned something about that earlier." Jaemin Sunbae recalled.

"I had seen that. That's how I knew you guys were free." Changmin added. "Good that you hadn't gone to sleep."

"The concert is still playing in my head." I admitted. "Hyung, we actually performed abroad!"

"Yes, you did." He nodded with a smile. "And you're performing again tomorrow."

"Mm. Our precious Hoobae!" Jaemin Sunbae kind of squealed a little bit. "We're so happy for you!"

"We have the best Sunbae to learn from." I had moved a little to get comfortable but that seemed to cause Jaehyeon to stir a little. He raised his head, forced his eyes open to look at me, then dropped his head back down facing me this time and closed his eyes again. I let out a careful breath after that. I hadn't wanted to wake him.

"Jaehyeon?" Changmin asked after silently watching my careful movements. Jaemin Sunbae too was just quietly watching.

I nodded. "He was up really early today. I don't want to wake him up."

"You need to rest up for tomorrow's performance as well." Changmin said a little softer than how he was speaking earlier.

"It's late for you too. You should go to bed. Jaemin Sunbae, it was nice seeing you too. Thank you for all your support."

"Don't mention it, Jeongwoo. Then… I'll be going now. Good night."

"Good night." I said and Jaemin Sunbae left. Changmin then turned to me.

"You'll have to wake him up to get him to his bed."

"Just for a bit." He really should have just used his bed. "I'll go now, Hyung. Thanks for calling and… I'll properly take effort too so…" I cleared my throat. "Good night."

"Mm." He agreed. "Rest well, Jeongwoo~"

I smiled and hung up, dropping the phone onto the bed.

I would not have minded allowing Jaehyeon to sleep on my bed but it really was too small for us to sleep comfortably. We both needed the rest for tomorrow. So, I sighed and poked his head.

"Hyung. Hyung-ah. Jaehyeon Hyeong"

He groaned and mumbled something.

"What? I didn't hear you." I got closer.

"Just… let me sleep…" He barely managed to answer me again.

"But I too want to sleep, Hyung." I lightly shook him by his shoulders. "Please."

"If you want to sleep, sleep." He muttered.

"But there's no space." This man… "And you're heavy."

"Nn." He groaned, then rolled onto his back and pried his eyes open with great effort.

"Sorry, Hyung. We need to rest properly for tomorrow though." I smiled while watching him.

"Ah." He lay still for a while before sitting up and rubbing a palm against his forehead. "It's fine. I'll just sleep." He climbed onto his feet, waddled over to his bed and dropped down onto it.

I rolled my eyes. "Sometimes, I wonder who the Hyung here is." I got up, pulled him on to his bed and spread the blanket over him properly. I could barely hear him say it. "Good night, Jeongwoo."

"Mm. Good night, Hyung." I returned, switched off the lights and got into bed myself.