2_Meeting Lin

Every day he has this though, but he never tells this to somebody. It's something he wants to share but never will. Because in everyone's eyes he is perfect, and he needs to stay perfect. He finds it sometimes hard to breathe but he still does it. Sometimes he wants to quit but he wants to be loved and is afraid to be hated. He can't do anything about it because he does this for a long time already that he already even forgot himself. Even though he promised that he will remember his true self but, in the end, he couldn't do it.

*RIIIIIING*

The phone goes off. Lucius doesn't want to accept it because he wants to be on his own, when he is on his own, he doesn't need to act, and he can be his 'true self'. But even his true self is only a shell. An empty shell. But he feels safe even though his eyes look like they don't have any life within them. It's fine everything is fine if he knows that he doesn't need to act and that he can let his guard down. Everything is fine and will be fine.

*RIIIIIING*

The phone rings again and Lucius snaps out of his thought. Even though he doesn't want to accept it he still does.

*CLICK*

"Hello?", he says.

"Hello, Lucius did you see the news you're on every channel and everyone is praising you! I am proud of you because I saw you grow as your manager and I'm happy that you could become so big of a figure!"

Lucius listens to his manager without any emotions. In the past he always felt gratitude for everything he did for him and that he never gave up on him but now he feels nothing. Nothing at all. No happiness, no anger, or no gratitude nothing, nothing at all. Maybe he didn't feel anything because he was disappointed in him. He knows him for 7 years, but never did he feel Lucius's true self disappearing. He didn't know how this wasn't how he was before and that this all is an act and not his 'true personality'. So, he felt it was kinda funny that he didn't even know his artist with who he worked for 7 years. Is it not laughable?

"Thank you for your praise, you are overpraising me. I only came this far because of you.", says Lucius even though he doesn't think like that, but he still says it because it became common for him to praise people around him and to be humble and modest.

"Haha, that's not true. It is because of the hard work that you did that you came this far, Lucius. What were you doing just now?"

[Thinking about life], he thought but he answered differently: "I was just done watching tv and wanted to go to sleep."

"I'm sorry Lucius that I disturbed your sleep! I'll hang up so you can go to sleep. Goodnight"

*CLICK*

After that, the manager hung up and Lucius began walking to his room to go to sleep. He just laid down and was thinking again.

[I was 18 when I first debuted, I was nervous, but I was happy thinking about how my dream would come true, but I would never be able to imagine that my dream came true but that I wasn't happy about it. It was hard for me because I was new, but I still was a bit popular because of my looks but I didn't like it. I worked hard so that I could prove myself. So, I can be known not as a handsome boy but a talented one.

That is what I hope but one day someone told me that I would be popular if it wasn't for my personality. I don't remember how my personality was back then, but I still know how those words broke me. It made a bigger effect on me because that person was a respected person in the entertainer world. So, I changed my personality to someone bright, and more people noticed me. I was happy but still sad because they only liked me because of my personality so I tried to show my music and let them like me because of my music and not because of my looks or personality.

But in the end, I couldn't take this mask of mine off and it became a part that I can't live without it. I tried and tried but, in the end, I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be hated. Even when my mask almost slipped away or broke, I would put it back on and fix it. I'm pathetic, aren't I? Because I know that I wouldn't be loved as much without this mask, so I let it on even if I wanted to take it off it was already too late for me.]

He sighed.

[Why can't I change?]

After this, though he fell asleep.

When he was sleeping, he dreamed about a girl who looked about 15. She wore sportswear and had short black hair. She was reading a book and didn't notice Lucius. Lucius saw this and didn't want to disturb her and there was an unknown force that didn't let him speak. He didn't think much about it because this happens all the time when you are inside a dream.

He began looking around in the room he was in. It had a bed where the girl lay on, a table with a lot of books, a closet, and another closet with a lot of books. So, you can say this room has a lot of books.

He looked at the cover of the book and was surprised that he actually could read it. He wanted to read what the title of the book was but was surprised that the girl suddenly stood up and noticed him. He was afraid to be misunderstood as a pervert, but he never expected this.

Her first reaction was shock then she began blushing and at last she suddenly knelt on her knees and bowed. He didn't know how to react to it, and he stood still. This was the first time for him that someone suddenly did this without saying or a warning.

"Hello.", said the girl with a soft voice. "My- my name is Lin and- and it's a pleasure to meet you.", stammered the girl named Lin.

Lucius finally came back to himself and quickly answered her and helped her up at the same time and didn't even notice that the special force disappeared out of nowhere: "Nice to meet you, Lin, my name is Lucius Cronoseus. You can just call me Lucius."

When he said this, he did it with a smile on his face because he always used to do this when he introduced himself to someone else. But he didn't expect the girl would suddenly get a nosebleed.

"I'm sorry for my nosebleed it just... you are too handsome that I couldn't help it.", says Lin weakly with blushed cheeks and afraid to look at him straight because she has a feeling that she would drool if she would look at him any longer then she already did and she didn't want to have a bad impression on him so she could only look away even though she wants to look at him.

Lucius was amused at her answer even though he doesn't feel a lot of emotion anymore, but he suddenly felt alive here with her. The reason is unknown, but he just knows that what he is feeling is real.

After Lucius convinces Lin to look at him, they began talking even when they talked Lin didn't look straight at him, but he didn't mind it. First, they began talking about small things like what they like to eat to what their birthdays were. They talked about a lot of things that even Lucius was surprised about how much he talked about himself without lying. It's like he felt that he couldn't lie to her. But he didn't mind it that much because he felt alive for the first in a long time and didn't mind if this continued forever and ever.

But it seems that God didn't want to let him rest in peace because Lin suddenly asked him while looking straight into his eyes for the first time they began talking: "What is your biggest regret, Lucius?"

Lucius froze when he heard her asking this to him. He even felt shocked that she looked straight into his eyes because even when they were talking, she didn't make eye contact, so this surprised him.

He was deep in his thoughts that he didn't answer for a long time. But the girl didn't mind and patiently asked her question for the second time: "What are your biggest regret, Lucius?"

When Lucius looked back into her eyes, she noticed that her eyes were black, and it looked like she could suck your soul in her. He stared dumbly at her without answering her question for the second time. But Lin was patient and she asked for the third time: "What are your biggest regret, Lucius?"

Lucius looked straight into her eyes and opened his mouth to answer, even he was shocked how he was going to show his ugliest side and the side he never wanted to show to someone he didn't know even for a day. But somehow, he felt at peace thinking that he could say his worries and regrets to someone and even though he knows that all this was a dream. He is happy that he is willing to share his worries with someone else.

[We won't be seeing each other again so it won't be a problem, right?]

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth and said: "My biggest regrets are...