The Light

After hearing my mother's deep, sincere and heartfelt declaration of gratitude, I felt a hand landing gently on my shoulder to call me back from the scene.

Without saying much, without having felt startled as I was slowly getting used to this routine, I turned to face the gentle and loving fatherly figure of Abraham. I smiled at him and wordlessly hugged him.

I did not know where the impulse had come from, or why at that moment in time I felt like I wanted to be closer to Abraham, but I did. Also, I had no idea why, from the three, even though they all looked to be about the same age, and really young at that, I felt attached to him as if to my own father. But that is how I saw Abraham; as a father figure.

"Come on my child, I think you have had enough personal history. We still have some places to go and memories to revisit, but for now, I think you need to regroup," Abraham said softly against my hair. I simply nodded my head in acquiescence and let whatever was to happen, happen.

Sure enough, I closed my eyes as I pressed my face to Abraham's beating heart and when I opened them again and released my grasp on him, I became aware that we had not simply left behind my parent's small farmhouse, but we were in fact back at the mirror/doorway on the apple tree. I did not ask why and I did not question the next steps we took as we crossed the doorway because I think I was emotionally overwhelmed.

However, just as we had finished crossing the mirror and I took my bearings, I realized with a jolt inside that our group of five, had become once again a group of four. Fear reared up its ugly head and I turned around to see that unlike my other companions, Dawn had stayed behind on the other side. Without even thinking, I rushed towards the entrance, determined to bring my best childhood friend over with us, but as soon as I reached for her hand, my own came up to meet a glass barrier.

Feeling now panicked and unable to understand why once more Dawn had to disappear from my life, I turned around to the guys for help. Abraham came back close to me and pulling me away from the mirror's glass, drew my attention to him.

"Dawn will not be crossing over with us this time around as she belongs in reality to that part of your life. She did before because you were reacquainting with one another and we wished you to know that she was very much a real entity, a real part of you. But now, she must go back where she belongs and soon enough you two will reunite," Abraham said as his hand gently caressed my cheek. My eyes still moved towards the glass, but Dawn's figure had disappeared.

I turned back to face Abraham, whose hand was still gently pressed against my cheek, and in a purely emotional move I placed my own hand against his and pressed it closer to my skin, seeking reassurance and comfort. And I was not disappointed. Once more, Abraham drew me to him and hugging me close, murmured in my ear, "Dawn has always and will always be a part of you. She has not ever moved from your side even if you have not been able to see her, or feel her. Soon enough you will understand who she is and what role she plays in your life. I promise."

I do not know why after hearing those words from Abraham I felt compelled to step back from him just a bit and look down at the little fire that I had forgotten about while I had been going down memory lane, but I did.

I was shocked when I saw that instead of flames, I now had a beautiful prism, more like a diamond, on top of my breast and that it was reflecting the light that came from within me. This light was not just my own. It was, in fact, intertwined now with, and therefore empowered by, another source, whose origin I could not accurately pinpoint.

Despite the shock and the questions that arose naturally in me, this sight brought me relief and a sense of peace. I don't know how I knew this but, the appearance of that prism signaled the deep changes that had already taken effect within my own soul.

Looking up again at Abraham I smiled at him, but what took me aback was to see the answering grins I saw on the faces of all three men, as Emmanuel and Michael had now moved closer to Abraham and me. At that moment, I knew I had reached a milestone.

"Okay, I think I am ready to continue. What comes next?" I asked the three smiling men, even though my words were directed at Abraham more than either of the other two.

"That is one beautiful prism you have there, my child and now it needs to grow so that it can become a true light. However, before we continue on the path you need a little break, and some explanations that will help you on the next steps. More than anything, you need to begin to understand some of the riddles and mysteries we have thrown your way."

"Okay," I answered Abraham and once I did, we all began to move as a harmonious unit towards their house. As soon as we were inside I felt a sense of relief filling me, as if I had finally come back home and I was prompted by the three guys to go to my room, take a shower and take a nap while they prepared dinner.

I was awoken about two hours later not by any noise, or because I had been disturbed by anyone, but because for some reason my body had become aware of the gorgeous moon that had risen in the sky, enormous and full. Its clear silver light was entering through the windows and bathing my entire room in it, giving it a sense of otherworldliness. Standing from my bed and feeling utterly refreshed after a shower and nap, I went towards the window that faced the back garden and I simply stared at the beautiful celestial body.

I had heard people during my life saying that the light of the moon was cold and lifeless and that it paled in comparison to the light from the sun. However, as I looked at this gorgeous full moon, at the powerful silver light it shed over the darkness below in the garden, erasing away the shadows and casting the darkness back, revealing all that which had to, or wished to, remain hidden, I realized how wrong those people were.

Yes, the light of the sun was immensely more powerful and bright and almost nothing could hide from its force. However, the moon's light appeared in the sky at the darkest moment of the night bringing with it a sense of hope. And for all its gentleness, it accompanied and lit the way for those who lived in the dark. Just like me.

I closed my eyes at that moment and with my arms crossed over my chest, I simply allowed the gentle light to bathe my entire being. Just as it was doing to the darkness of the garden, I now wished that gentle light to guide me and help me to get out of this darkness.

I was standing thus with my whole body bathed by the beautiful moonlight when a flash idea that really shook me to my foundations crossed my mind. The sun, the moon, and the stars, all sources of light, had always accompanied us, be it at night or during the day, which essentially meant that light had always been present in the world.

We had never been meant to live in the darkness. And if that was the case for the physical, and visible world, then wouldn't it also be the case for our inner selves? Was it possible that we had always had the presence of a Light, one that never gave up on us even if we wished to submerge ourselves in darkness?

My entire being shook at that thought because if that was true, if Light, and I did mean it with capital L, had always been a part of us, a part of me in particular, then it also meant that we were always accompanied by that Light. But then, why did people like me ended up literally buried in the mud of darkness? If the Light had always been in the world, why did so many people have to suffer in darkness, emptiness, and sadness?

I opened my eyes right at that moment and looked up at the beautiful silver globe, and as if one of its rays had entered my soul to uncover the truths within me, I encountered the answer to my personal question. The reason why the Light had been absent from my own life, at least after my childhood, was because I had chosen to reject it and leave it behind.

Why? Because just as this moon was revealing secrets that the world wanted to hide, the Light guides us into pathways that may very well go against what we want. In my case, that Light had meant leaving behind the life I had pictured for myself, walking different pathways and I had not wanted that. So, I had rejected it. But It had not given up on me and it was evident that It was set on pulling me out of the mud.

I had no idea what would happen once this experience was over, what awaited me on the other side; but now, before the moon, I realized that as the real me emerged more and more, as I grew and matured and healed myself, fear and doubt disappeared and were replaced by a deep prayer. I prayed and hoped with ardent longing to be given a chance to make things right. But more than that, I prayed to be given the chance to show others the wonders I was and would be, experiencing. I prayed to the Light, that it would always be with me from here on out.

Suddenly a soft knock came on my door and I was brought out of my reverie. I turned to see Michael's head pushing through the small crack at the door and I could not stop myself from smiling at the sight. Every time I stared at this amazing and mysterious man, I felt a really intense and powerful love towards him.

However, this feeling inside me was absolutely different from any other I had ever experienced, and it threw me off. Because in general, human emotions, at least mine, usually had this undercurrent of physicality, need, and passion that drove them and fueled them. But not this love. This love I felt did not spring from attraction, it had nothing to do with chemicals as so many believed. It was sweet, gentle, and yet at the same time, more powerful than any love I had ever felt. It was fed and fueled not by anything that made part of my human body, but rather by something within my heart and soul that I could not comprehend.

My discovery and experience of such a powerful and yet gentle and pure connection to another person forced me at that moment to re-evaluate the way I thought about Love. Because as Michael approached me and my soul and heart reacted to his nearness, I realized that what I had always thought of Love, real Love, had been wrong.

Love transcended the physical, the chemical, and even time and space itself. It acted like a never-ending river, the origin of which I still could not properly name, and which connected, united and filled the human heart always to allow it, at the same time, to reproduce it, under human limitations, with other people.

My deep reflections were cut short when Michael finally reached my side and said, "Hey Em, are you okay? Were you able to rest? Abraham is calling us to dinner." I looked at him smiling and extended my hand to take his. He took it and brought me to his side, placing his entire arm over my shoulders. We both looked back at the moon.

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" Michael asked me. "It is so much smaller than many other stellar bodies and yet you might say it is the biggest reflector up there. It does not have a fire of its own, all of its light comes from the sun, and yet without it, the sun would not be able to reflect its light during the night, when parts of the Earth are facing away from it. It is only a mere rock, floating in space, but because it allows the powerful light of the sun to fill its surface, it becomes Earth's most important night light."

Then, turning towards me, facing me, Michael took my face into his hands and said, "Fire is powerful and it is capable of transforming a lot of things, but it cannot go against certain barriers. So please remember what I told you once before. A heart that is unable, or unwilling, to empty itself and allow a power beyond it to transform it and fill it with Light, becomes incapable of being a light. Emptiness is necessary Em when you wish to be filled anew by Light and once you achieve that the power of the Light will transform you from a simple rock into a beacon for others to see and follow. You just have to let the Light find you and transform you."

"You knew exactly what I had been reflecting on before you came in, didn't you?" I asked, staring deep into his gorgeous brown eyes.

Michael merely chuckled and tugged me closer to him. I smiled and looked back at the moon.

We stayed like that, immobile and silent for a good while, and I had never felt more comfortable in the presence of silence. My mind was at peace because my heart and soul felt at peace and therefore silence, instead of becoming a fearful pool of nothing, was becoming the soft breeze that was allowing me to place my inner self in order.

"Okay, I think we have had enough reflection right now," Michael said chuckling, as he turned us both away from the window. "How about we do some very human stuff and go gorge ourselves with the food Abraham and Emmanuel have prepared for us?"

"Okay," I said laughing softly as I pulled away from Michael.

When we finally reached the dining room my stomach gave a very loud growl and Michael laughed with Emmanuel and Abraham as I blushed like a schoolgirl.

"What!" I exclaimed indignantly as I swiftly took my seat next to Emmanuel. "So I am only human, I need to eat and I am hungry!"

The guys laughed again and the atmosphere between all of us turned into one of camaraderie and understanding. For the first time, I truly felt that I was in an adventure with friends. These three men were now my closest friends.

We ate the marvelous dinner prepared by both Abraham and Emmanuel in record time, while we all talked amongst each other about the happenings of the day.

After dinner, I was feeling not just physically full but emotionally fulfilled and a sense of wellbeing settled inside me. It was at this time that I realized that my darkness, my one true companion for the better part of my adult life, had been left on the sidelines and it had not bothered me. It seemed that the more I walked and discovered on this journey, the more that dark void receded. This, just like the sight of the light of the moon, brought hope to me.

We all finished clearing out the dishes and kitchen in record time and just as the clock struck twelve, Abraham told me to go get a warm sweater and to meet them at the little tree glen.

I did not hesitate for a moment. I simply went straight to my room and I was putting on the garment and some gloves I had found in one of my drawers when everything around me disappeared. The darkness around was so thick, I could not see much.

At first, I just thought it must be a trick of my imagination, given that not even an hour ago I had been staring at the big silver moon outside my window. However, as I turned around I became aware that there wasn't even a speck of light anywhere. Not only did it seem that the house had been left without power, but the sky itself looked as if someone had turned off the lights. There wasn't a single star and the moon seemed to have been swallowed by a bank of very dark clouds.

I moved out of my room and with care went down the stairs calling for the guys. I knew that I was safe inside the house, but this weird phenomenon was completely unexpected and I was beginning to feel the same desperation I had when I had jumped from the waterfall. What made all of it worse was that I soon discovered I was completely alone in the house.

I had been moving towards the back porch, still calling for the three men as I found my way around by touch alone, when I realized that it was not only light that was absent but also sound.

At some point, I knew that I had crossed the back door, reached the porch steps, and was going down them towards the pathway that led to the small island-like glen. But by then my heart was beating so hard and I was so overcome by panic, that all I wanted was to go back to the safety of my room. I could not see a single thing, only feel and there wasn't a single sound around, not even that of the wind or the water from the small brook. What in the world was going on?

"Abraham! Michael! Emmanuel! Please help me, I am scared. I cannot see anything!" I exclaimed into the night, unsure even of the direction I was facing. How was I ever going to make it to the glen where the men were supposed to be waiting for me when I couldn't even get my bearings?

Suddenly, as if someone had turned on the volume, I began to be able to hear the wind as it whistled softly around me.

"You still doubt me!" I heard a soft male voice I had not heard before whispering next to me. However, when I looked to my side, there was no one to see.

"How can I not?! You took all my light, everything from me! You left me alone to drown in the darkness! I called for your help, I claimed for you to let me see where you were and you denied me even that small comfort! How can I trust you?"

Just as I said that I began to ask myself who I was getting angry at and why I was bringing that particular topic in here.

"Abraham," I called, "please help me! Michael, do not leave me alone like this! Emmanuel, please help me get out of this darkness."

"Come," I heard an echoing of male voices saying in answer to my plea. "Do not doubt that we are there to guide you. Trust us."

Even though I did trust my friends, I could not help but feel lost and frightened by all this black around. I looked down at my prism but realized that at that moment, maybe due to my lack of full trust, the glow it was emitting was really weak and therefore could not lead me. I called out again for help.

"Michael, please, what am I supposed to do?"

"Remember, the first step is trust. Listen to our voices, trust in them and follow them with the certainty that we will not let you falter or fail," the voices responded again in an echo.

"Okay", I took several breaths while I gave myself that pep talk, "let go. You do not need your sight, use your trust and your faith and allow your other senses to help."

That was easier said than done, but I forced myself to focus on my inner light, which I knew was connected to Michael´s power, and things changed. My light began to expand and increase in strength as it was fed by Michael´s warm power and this, in turn, filled my heart with an unquenchable desire to continue. Fear began to dissipate and so did doubt. And pushed by the power inside me I began to move, fully knowing that I would not be led astray.

At that moment a new understanding flourished inside me; I was finally learning the true meaning of inner peace, and of trusting someone else above myself.

My eyes opened up as I felt the soft and gentle touch of a hand as it passed by me. I grabbed onto it in full trust, even though I could not be certain of who it was, and when I did, it seemed as if a dark curtain had been lifted from inside me. Not with my physical eyes, but with the eyes and senses of my soul, I understood that it was Michael who was right in front of me.

"Do you trust me?" Michael asked softly.

"Yes, I do," I said with full honesty and at that moment I knew I was ready to abandon myself into Michael´s hands. I also realized that for the first time ever, I understood completely what really trusting someone meant.

"Then let me be your guide. Open your heart to me. Let me in," he answered as he pulled me down the still darkened pathway.

From the very bottom of my heart, the most sincere answer blossomed: Okay.