Haunted mind.

I woke up to the sound of loud music playing somewhere in my house. It would've been starling but I'd tell that it's my dad with my eyes still closed, so I sighed readying myself for the reason behind this surprise visit.

Still dressed in black shorts and a loose white t-shirt I put on to sleep, I wandered into the living room, only to find my dad sprawled on the couch.

"Dad, everything okay?" I ask, voice croaky from after sleep. All my question gets is a long tired sigh out of him.

"Why? Suffering a breakup, papa?" I went over to him bumping my fists to his in greeting and sprawled myself on the sofa across from him.

"You're brutally honest, dear." He remarked, his calm husky voice had a whiny edge to it.

"Oh my…. so it is a break up. Tell me dad, what went wrong this time?" I inquired more of taunting than comforting.

"Well, she wanted a vacation, more so if it's an abroad vacation, you know? And I couldn't give that to her. Had a business trip in the same week."

"Another business trip." I emphasized leaving it at that considering he's already on edge. He let out another, more tired than sad, sigh. I lean on my right elbow making eye contact with him, attempting to get my point across " Seriously though, dad I don't think you should worry about Ms. Rebecca so much. If she can't sacrifice that much for you, then I say she just wasn't it anyway."

"I don't know, sweetheart. And yet, I still feel like I get you just fine. " He responded simply leaving me to fidget from hearing his unusual sad voice.

"I mean, it must still hurt no matter what I say, but just remember that I'm here for you anyway. Okay dad?" He isn't that sad, is he? He doesn't regret wasting his time on me, does he? I really haven't heard him sound this broken in a while.

My dad is a bit of a workaholic but he's that person who makes sure he is there even when he isn't. He is just so warm you can feel his kindness even when he's not around. Living by myself does get lonely, but I moved out of our house when I was sixteen, so I'm used to it that anything else feels so unsettling. Besides, being alone and in my space is my only saving grace when I'm in too much of a dark mood to be considerate. That's usually when Audrey is moody. When I'm upset, I would do things you'd never imagine an angry person doing.

Dad is not really into relationships. It has always been me, him and the noises in my head from the very start. He was wise enough to know that I didn't want a mother to lean on either emotionally or mentally, even though I did need one. When he did start dating, I had just turned eighteen and stable enough allowing him to take a break from my attention demanding ass. Even then though, nobody seemed to completely invade our small circle. I remember he dated three ladies, counting in the one he just parted with.

The first woman was the most remarkable to me, her name is Chloe Warwick. They seemed to really admire each other. I wasn't jealous but I found it nerve wrecking nevertheless. She was the first person to get Mr. Mailes attention except myself after all. On her side though, she considered me too much of a competition, a rival even, and she was really afraid of me. I can't blame the poor thing though. I was really creepy back then, creepier than I'm now and that says a lot. Dad didn't blame her either but I guess he wasn't ready to give up on me, his adopted weird daughter, for anything or anyone at that matter, so he let her go instead. In his defense, I was still a small girl, despite my grown age, just learning about the world outside her mind and how to live in it without being left behind. To be fair, I do feel bad about that, one of the things I regret is not being helpful enough during that situation.

The second and the third women, Ms. Stacy and Ms. Rebecca, weren't really that serious of a confrontation, even though none of them liked me anyway, and I found myself both glad and sorry for that. Glad because, well, my dad was still mine and nobody else's. It's not like those women appreciated his efforts anyway. But I was also sorry because I realized just how much Ms. Chloe meant to him before he let go and potentially until today.

But considering how down he sound just now, I'm starting to re-think about the 'not a serious confrontation' part. Maybe the thing between him and Rebecca was more than I marked it to be.

"It's not that I miss Rebecca, Amare. In fact, it's not about her at all." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He must have guessed what was on my mind. That's not surprising. We are more of best friends than a daughter and her father. I clear my mind, humming lowly encouraging him to let it all out.

"It's just that, that new decoration over there look like a red sheep." I blinked at him, feeling lost for a moment before letting out an impossibly long sigh.

"Dad, please a red sheep? Where in world did you see that even?" I try to act annoyed, biting my lip to stop myself from laughing out loud. I know he is changing the topic but it doesn't hurt to play along.

"I mean, if there was a red sheep, it'd definitely look like that." He insisted

"There's no red sheep. Okay, maybe there is. But that's a pink puppy plushie, doesn't even look close to a sheep." I scolded, I'm used to him being crackhead so I don't even feel confused anymore.

"Hunched over like that, it does look like one though."

We keep going back and forth about the sheep and puppies until I decided we've both done enough playing along and his sounding ready to take the serious conversation on.

"I thought we were being serious for once." I raised an eyebrow at him. And he clearly got the message. We need to talk about the relevant stuff now.

"It's just that, the wounds are still fresh, Amare. There's nothing wrong." I narrowed my eyes not really convinced but he doesn't lie to me, not when it's about each other’s happiness. " And I'm rather missing someone." Now there it is, the real reason. I figured it was Chloe, there is no open wounds but blistered scars of their departing. Hearing him say it really make me feel guilty.

"Aye, just go ahead and visit them then! And even introduce them to me. That's a perfect plan isn't it?" I exclaimed accusingly. Deep down I hope he gets the hint this time as well. He can bring back whoever he wants to, now I'm determined to be more helpful.

"Never mind, Amare." The use of my name again reminded me that we're talking about real important stuff right now. "If we hold on people who left then, say how are we going to meet new people? New people means adventure, you know. And adventure, perhaps, means life worth living. We can't possibly give that up now, can we?" He turned to me with a weak smile on his face. We can't give up on that.

"Alright, I get you. Just take care, okay dad?" I giggle a little to lighten up the mood.

"Well now, my daughter. How come this paint look like the color of a colored caterpillar." I groan loudly while Mr. Mailes chuckled. Well yeah, end of serious time. Now it's time to make diner.

With dad around, I almost forgot why I took the afternoon nap in the first place.

A few days have gone by since my date with Alarcus. I never called, we both definitely knew that promise was never going to be kept, he did all the work. I'm just continuously baffled by his gentlemanly ways, Slow but stern. Step by a thought through step. We talked on phone but these past few days were spent inside my room, completely isolated from the outside world. Creating a perfect writing atmosphere. That left me feeling drained after all the work I indulged myself into to finalize my book for publication, not to mention some kind of depressing nightmares from last night.

And if I’m being honest with myself, the continuous nightmares were getting to me more than the work itself, so when the evening came I took a nap which was surprisingly peaceful, maybe because I was too tired for my mind to wander to any weary places.

When Mr. Mailes left and I had no more bickering to do, to serve as adrenaline, I went back to napping. Feeling restless enough to be sleepless, I lie in my bed allowing my mind to run through the untold revelations in my head where I find peace. One of the reasons I decided to be an author is so I can find peace in that small pure, still un haunted, place in my head. A shelter from my pains and scares.

It was peaceful until it wasn't. Liz decided to pop out of nowhere insisting that we should have some fun. Apparently a friend of hers was throwing a celebratory party. To my utter disappointment but no surprise whatsoever, she had no idea what was to be celebrated!

Needless to say, that went south. First of all, we started off at the wrong foot. We had a small fight over the night’s outfits. She’d prepared for me an off-the-shoulder long sleeved black dress. The suffocating tight thing reached, barely, two inches below my behind. There’s nothing wrong with the outfit but I was just not in the mood.

And we are in Alaska for bestie's sake, whether it's day or night it's freezing here, and complaining just that out loud. Liz rolled her eyes only a bit annoyed, “It's not like a witch is going to die from the cold, so yeah I say go with that. Plus, you look hell hot in it! I can picture the night.” Bummer. Well, that’s true, at least not dying from the cold part is, but being a little dramatic can't hurt, right? I’m a witch-vampire but I like to think of myself as only a witch since the vampire side comes from Audrey. It’s not really mine.

“Wait, what do you mean you can already picture the night?” She gave me a smug smile, more like a smirk. Oh dear, this can’t be so good.

“You’ll be snatching attention left and right!” Yeah. No, so not wearing that.

Eventually, we ended up settling on a black leather mini-skirt paired with an off-the-shoulder sleeved black crop-top and a chukka adorning my ‘giraffe’ neck plus a pair of sandals.

Liz went for a see-through turtleneck revealing a somewhat conservative bra inside, tucked inside a jean skirt slightly shorter than mid-thighs and a pair of ankle-length boots.

In my eyes, she looks like a model, she always does. And I'm so proud of her.

By the time we were standing in front of her acquaintance’s house, done with the full hour drive to her friend’s house just outside of Anchorage, our hometown, and a quarter hour walk from where we packed our car to the guy's actual house, it was already a dark night. Stars twinkled prettily in the seemingly endless black ocean above. It made me yearn for a walk out, or even a work out but definitely not a night out, which is going to probably result in ugly headache tomorrow morning. Pure torture. When we finally enter the house, much to my pure torture, we’re more than fashionably late. The huge living room, turned into a club, was already riling upside down. Liz being her to die for self was snatching attention left and right. I felt so prickly against all the probing eyes that all I wanted to do is turn around and run out of the clouded house like my butt is on fire.

But since I’m not the subject of all the staring and some glaring, both from men and some women, at least I'm sure that I can't be with the gorgeous Liz walking besides me, I hold my head up high and strut further into the sea of wilding people.

Liz leads us across the room trying to find a quiet spot to pass time. When we reach the furthest corner of the room, I’m buffed to see people who have lost their clothing to some kind of stripping game. According to Liz, if I remember correctly someone gives you a dare and if you can't go through with it or answer a given question, you either take a shot or take off a piece of clothing. I’m not really sure.

For now, most people in the large group are barefooted and a great number of them are shirtless. Given a few minutes, I’m sure some will be pantless too.

I thought this party was going to be a bit professional but I guess not? It’s, for the lack of a better term, chaotic here. That’s what a successful party should be, but my ass is just not cut out for this shit.

An hour in and my head is pounding like crazy, all the noise starting to mess with my sanity. I mentally thank whatever gods for I have put in warm brown contacts to cover up my otherwise creepy eye colors before coming here. I’d have died if I got any more attention than I was already getting.

Dark red cups, bloody bodies. Every moment inside this house is starting to bring back my entangled nightmares. The restlessness left unsatisfied starting to get to me all over again.

After some more minutes of pretending to be okay and some forcing from Liz to try and adjust I finally decided that enough was enough.

“Hey, I’m off to the bathroom.” My voice came out a mere whisper even though I screamed at the top of my lungs. The pain in my head is intensifying wildly.

“Is everything good, should I come with you?” Liz asked and to my surprise her words came out as clear as day, lucky party people. I shake my head giving her a thumbs up at the same time. Indicating that I'm okay and that she should have some more fun. I all but took off towards the bathroom before Liz could change her mind and decide to tie me down with her.

Once inside the bathroom, I splashed water on my face again and again until I could feel myself cool down, next I started to wash my hands on the bathroom sink. For a split second, I entertained the thought of ditching the party goer and going to lie in the car outside. That will forever remain an idea, Liz would kill me.

Raising my head, I caught those eyes staring at me from the mirror. They indeed seemed like ones to hold a soul, or rather ones to be beheld by a soul. Deep and blue, weird and mysterious. I love the color blue and all its shades. I think it’s a gorgeous color but the vivid and deep blue of my eyes disgusts me. So secretive, yet so unnecessarily and painfully loud.

Seeing the breathtakingly fair dry face blinking at me from the mirror only fueled my irritation. I hate seeing her.

Bodies washed in blood, engrossed in pain. The nightmares flooded in my mind, maybe they were triggered by the memory of the blood-red plastic cups or the by the spreading headache, or perhaps a combination of both. The bodies' faces, lips hanging open, twisted in horror. But the lifeless eyes are what sent a chill down my spine. It’s like they’ve seen a familiar monster. Something they aren’t scared of anymore even though it’s eating away at them.

Funny how that’s the only way I can think of to describe my life.

As I gazed in the mirror feeling a little annoyed by everything and very depressed, I mentally listed people who make my life worth living, just like Zoe told me to. In the first place is my dad. For what it’s worth, I’m very grateful to Mr. Mailes, he ran through a number of sorcerers and witches trying to set me free. Well, that didn’t work. There’s also my two best friends, they took care and stuck to a bothersome creep like me.

But right now darn my best friends. Because they know that this is exactly what I need. What’s sad is the fact that they’re right. What’s even sadder is that I know that too.

Why is it that I can’t let go? I can’t seem to be able to let loose and lose myself in the joys the world can offer. Is it really impossible to drown out these dull memories?

A sharp sting brings my attention back to my hands only to find out that I’ve grazed my palm with my nails. I sigh as I watch blood sip out of the little cut. So much for cleaning my hands.

When a bang against the bathroom door sounds through the otherwise silent room followed by two entangled figures rolling inside the bathroom, I take that as my que to leave. I slipped out of the bathroom and back into the riling corridors again. There goes my stolen break.

From the end of the corridor, a guy came tumbling my way, probably drunken on whatever he could get his hands on. Poor him, by the looks of it, he is going to have an awful hangover tomorrow. Everybody is a mess here. I, for one, feel tips and giddy. Left, right. Left and right. For some reason Jason Derulo’s song started playing in my head.

I kept slurring forward and now I was like two feet away from colliding with the meshed guy, so I squeezed against the wall to create some space.

“Others are up against some and you are up against a wall. Great going there.” Audrey spat in my head.

I feel a scowl appear on my face. Well, that sounded weird. Anyway, I squeezed into the wall to create some space.

But instead of going his way, the drunkard stumbled in front of me. Like seriously, I’m here squeezing my already wryly self into the wall and now he wants to squeeze through me! Sure, go ahead and kill me with your stinking breath, why don’t you?

“Holla, you sexy thing?” What the hell?

Before I could register his hand circling around my wrist, he yanked me to his muscled chest, circling his arms around me. We tumbled backwards, him not being able to handle my weight.

His chest is all flexing muscles but that isn’t what got alarms going off in my head. I stare up at him in horror feeling exceptional numbness stretch in my veins. When it comes to misfortune, everything feels like Deja vu to me. At this rate I’m thinking that even death will be familiar.

No, I mentally and physically shook my head. Don’t do this Lilia, don’t be weak. Not again. That’s what I told myself but mist formed in my head. I find myself not remembering how to take a deep calming breathe anymore.

He crushes his lips on mine and starts devouring them. I want nothing more than biting this mouth off so it won’t assault another soul. I couldn’t do it, instead I felt myself hurrying to match his violent demanding. It wasn't me.

Those memories raised mist in my head as I felt his sick hands on my behind. Dreading fire cursed under my skin. And that seemed to give me enough power.

I raised my hand and gave him a good slap across the face. Human or not, I don’t care.

That thought changed when I registered the guy flying across the corridor and crushing against the wall on the other side, accompanied by a loud cry of pain. I’m sure the other people would have been alarmed if they weren’t partying so hard.

I fight hard to stay aboard. To stand my ground as I just did now without waiting for anyone else to save the day. But as my mind dive full force into haunting memories of me trapped inside my own body, I can only hope, vaguely that too, that I didn't kill him. It's always been the same, I can't win two battles in a row. Big achievements come with greater losses.