Chapter 2

I'm woken up by the calm, soothing and affectionately warm winter light ; it's a Saturday. To my demise I am saddened by a dream - a flashback really one delivered in my sleep without my conscious consent. I decide to forget about it and prepare myself for the day and I shower and wash my hair. I do not even bother in doing much for my appearance being clean is enough after the dream I had.

I head to my room to check for messages and emails and I have one and it reads

*hey babe I'm coming over for a study session*

I am friends with a girl who has done nothing but bring misery to my life - the reason for my poor life choices, even though I still had my better judgement with me. I choose to keep her around even though I can just get rid of her but this gives me power and takes away the feeling of loneliness really. The fact that I am her hope at this moment, her confidant pleases me greatly. Knowing that I have the power to shatter her whenever I want to and this ; this my dear friend will be a secret card of mine for the finale. I have always wanted her to feel some form of pain from me even it does not match up to the pain she caused me.

*Come over.* I text her. I do need the motivation for studying as I am approaching finals in just over a month and hopefully I will do well enough to get into college because this is my last chance to keep my spots at the colleges I applied at. So I decide to have breakfast ( plain old bran flakes really) and clean my room. And you know what? I am alone in the house! I shouldn't be happy but I am! I'm not forced to eat breakfast in my proper clothes in the dining room hell I don't even have to eat the damn dining room.

I wait about an hour for Kylie to get to my house and during this time I prepare my notes so I won't struggle. She pulls over at my house and I welcome her with the fakest of smiles in life. If such a word exists

Our session goes well and I'm impressed with myself for attaining a shit load of crucial information for the exams. With only 30 minutes left from our three hour session Kylie starts telling me of the date she will be having with a classmate of ours Robin. See Robin is a class clown one that is far from hot but some how has all the girls in our grade swooning over him I am ashamed to admit that I almost fell for that shit it's probably because he's a football player? I don't know and I don't even care.

"Wow" is the only thing I can say to sound interested in this shit of a topic. We all know he's just passing time with her and even though I would like to tell her I keep quiet about it - I'm still humane. I hope.

She carries on about it and I mean she gives me full details about the place, her outfit, makeup etc and just keep using words that make her think that I'm loving this and can't even remember them but she bought that act. My dear friend ended up leaving an hour later and as soon as her mom's car pulls up at my house I check my phone and notice an important message.

*come over*

Nick. I always get excited over seeing him but I know better. I met him in town at h&m in a queue (said he was doing it for his mom) . We chatted and became friends then. We exchanged numbers when we saw each other later that day at McDonald's and we hit it off. Moral of the story is that he flirted with me when his girl was being dumb and when they broke up he forgot to tell me. Convenient.

I rushed back inside and wore my new pair of jeans and my favorite no brand sneakers and a white t-shirt. I am laughing at myself - laughing at how someone who has no feelings for me well those of romance at least is texting me and I am rushing to get to his house. It takes me about fifteen minutes to get there.

"Ash" he greets me - mind you that when he calls me this I feel like I am swimming in flames - this should tell you a lot about my feelings towards him or rather feelings I have come to conjure up.

"I was thinking of taking you out." okay? "With a guy friend of mine and my girl" I knew it. I knew it! What the fuck is wrong with him? "Is this a sick joke?" "What do you mean? Ash are you okay?" "You always do this you always hook me up with someone from your endless list of friends! I swear they keep popping out like mushrooms!" He gives me a pitiful gaze. "You always find some one for me knowing that I feel something for you." Or felt? I hate the confession but hey man what's the worst to happen - rejection maybe ;the voice in my head says. He laughs. Okay.

"Ash I never knew you felt anything, you never told me!" "Or you never opened your eyes!" I tell him. He's right but what does it mean when someone who's never flirted her whole life flirts with you? Jackass! "Okay so if I said something would you try to be with me?" "Well." "That's all you are saying to me?" "Ash you are beautiful but we are better as friends. I'm sorry." So I'm beautiful and that's it?

I stood up from dear Nick's couch and I left. You may be happy for me when you realise that I walked away from nonsense for the first time in my almost adult life. I am happy about it. This will be a motto for the years ahead :walk away before it's too late. But I never follow it.