Chapter 16

*Trigger Warning - This chapter contains themes that some readers may find upsetting (DV and SA)*

I stare down at my hands as I sit in the gloomy waiting area. The walls and furniture are all monotone as if the architect thought that a neutral colour pallet would have a calming affect; I feel anything but calm.

Lakyn is in one of the office style interrogation rooms discussing the events of the previous night with the police. They requested I come and had already been at abeula's looking for me, but they wanted to discuss everything with him first and then myself. I drove Lakyn's car behind the police car trying to hold back tears. Ben was going to press charges for assault and now I would have to try and convince the police that the assault was in self defence of me.

My attention is brought up as the door opens and the police men from earlier walk out and towards me. I move my head to catch a quick glance at Lakyn who is sitting back in his chair, arms crossed over his body as he stares upwards at the ceiling.

"Ms. Heart, if you wouldn't mind following us this way please." One officer smiles at me as he gestures to another room down the hall.

I stand, straightening out my skirt and making my way down the hall. I notice the other officer checking out the tattoos on my legs as I walk past him and into the brightly lit interrogation room.

It's not how I expected it to be. In books and movies the rooms have metal tables and chairs with a hook at the middle for handcuffs, and usually there's a two way mirror on one wall. Instead this room looked like some form of dull conference room at a corporate office. There was no two way mirror, no place for handcuffs to be connected to, and instead of all metal, uncomfortable furniture there was just a circular conference table and stationary desk chairs.

I take a seat on the side of the table with only one chair and wait patiently for the officers to take a seat across me. I can't help the fidgeting of my hands.

One of the men is older, most likely late 40's. His smile is crooked but it provides a sense of comfort as he gives me a sympathetic smile at the circumstances that brought us here. His name badge says Constable Williamson.

The other one is younger, looking closer to my age. His buzz cut gives him a military style presence that makes me uneasy. He provides no smile or comfort as he saunters into the room, broad shoulders pushed back as if he might not fit through the doorway if he doesn't turn to enter. His aura is one of a young male that has something to prove.

As the older man organises his papers before him the younger one begins to talk, "So Ms. Heart. This is Constable Miller and I am Constable Williamson. We understand you have some big allegations against your ex boyfriend Mr. Davis."

"Ben, as I am sure you know him." Miller provides with a smile.

I sit there for a couple seconds in shock. Allegations? What allegations?

"I'm sorry. I'm a little confused. I thought this was an assault charge against Lakyn and we would just be discussing my self defence. I'm sure you both have the security footage from the club...?" I trail off. Lakyn had gotten one of his managers to race over with the security tape just before we left the apartment complex and before he was arrested.

"Yes, Charlie, I hope you don't mind me calling you Charlie." Williamson says, not waiting for my approval or disproval and continuing on, "But to be frank, there is nothing within that video to show you required any protection or defence." He finishes.

I was shocked again. What did they mean there was nothing there? Did they not see the way he grabbed me? The way he had me pinned?

Miller breaks the silence first, "I'm sorry Ms. Heart, but on the video there did not seem to be anything more than a man hitting on a beautiful girl. Can you please talk to us about the nature of your relationship with Ben?" He says, trying to coax me back out of my shell.

Williamson snorts in annoyance next to him and Miller shoots him a look that says 'keep your mouth shut'.

"Well," I begin slowly, "We dated... for six months. Before I broke it off."

"And why did you break it off?" Miller asks.

"He wasn't the best boyfriend..." I trail off.

"Well we can't exactly use 'bad boyfriend' in your defence case can we now Charlie?" Williamson snorts again in response.

As he looks me up and down yet again with a grin that says he likes the power he has and he would use it against me in every way he knew how, I finally manage to find some small kernel of courage.

Since when do you let men like this treat you this way? We're stronger than this.

"It's Ms. Heart to you Constable Williamson. You don't know me and frankly I would prefer it if you kept an ounce of professionalism as you interviewed me in the case against my boyfriend." I finish, holding my head high. I sit up straighter, place my hands on the table and look him dead in the eyes. I had met men like him a hundred times before, I could put one more in his place, even if he was a cop.

Williamson is clearly taken aback by my new found confidence. I can tell it rubs him the wrong way to be talked back to like this by the way his thin lips scrunch up and his body language changes from relaxed to upright and matching my own shift in position. He thought he had the meek little girl that would be too afraid to respond back, how wrong he was.

"Well there's no need for the attitude Ms. Heart." He emphasises my last name.

I turn to Miller, completely ignoring the younger officer. He is attempting to hide a small smile as he lifts his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue.

"Ben was abusive. He was manipulative and liked to hold any power over me he could. What you saw in that video was Ben grabbing me, cornering me, and pinning me against that wall without my consent. I asked him to let me go. I'm sure you saw in that video I was visibly scared. Lakyn was doing nothing but protecting me from someone who wanted to scare and hurt me." I tell him straight out. I lift my chin higher as I swallow down the tears at the thought of Lakyn being charged for doing nothing but protecting me.

"I see." Miller responds. "What type of abuse did you endure during your relationship with Ben, Ms. Heart?" He asks.

My cheeks turn red at the thought of having to discuss this with two strangers. We have to do this for Lakyn.

"It started off as verbal. He would call me every name under the sun, telling me I was worthless and no one even liked me. He isolated me from my friends and family. Then the ah... physical abuse started." I trail off, gulping down the lump in my throat, willing myself to continue. "The first time he smacked me was a month into our relationship. A guy had been talking to me out and when we got back to his apartment he smacked me down to the floor. From then on it became a regular occurrence. Any reason he could find he would smack, punch, even kick me down." At this point I can't help the tears streaming down my face. I was thankful Lakyn and I had been interviewed separately.

"Was there anything else that occurred Ms. Heart?" Miller prompts.

Slowly I nod, "Yes, the final straw was when he forced himself on me. After that I ran as far away as I could. I cut off all contact and stopped going out. I had never brought Ben back to where I lived so thankfully he never knew my address. Eventually he forgot about me and moved on I presume. Last night was the first time I had seen him since I broke it off with him."

Miller gives me an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry to force you to discuss this." He tells me.

Williamson on the other hand held no sympathy within his body and instead asks, "So a lot of allegations against Ben here. Any proof?"

"No. I never went to the police. But I have recorded counselling session at one of the government funded clinics here in Sydney that documents the trauma." I tell him.

He snorts again, "You want us to take counselling sessions of your story as evidence? I'm sorry, that's not how it works."

"Unfortunately he's right Ms. Heart. We can take the sessions into consideration if anything goes to court. But your best course of action right now is lodging a record with us on the assaults Ben put you through, and Mr. Carson can use that in his defence against the assault charges." Miller provides.

"A record?" I ask. "You want me to lodge a record against my abusive ex after he tried to threaten me into keeping my mouth shut last night? That's my best course of action? Do you understand how crazy that is?" I tell him.

"I understand Ms. Heart. But you can request a restraining order and then Ben will be forced to leave you alone." Miller tells me.

"Forced by who? The piece of paper I can carry around in my wallet?" I fire back.

"It's not a perfect system Charlie, but it's the one we have. Have faith in the law dear." He concludes in the nicest way he can.

He understands the system isn't in place to help me, and yet all he can do is push forward in the only way he knows how.

I sit there in shock, unable to form the words or thoughts on what I should do.

"How about we take you to Mr. Carson and you two can talk?" He offers me.

I nod. I want to see Lakyn. I want to make sure he's ok.

We all stand up, with Williamson once again looking me over. I refuse to shrink back again and I stare him in the eyes until he grins and shakes his head, extending one hand to push me along and follow Miller.

I comply and walk out of the room and into the other interrogation room where Lakyn sits. As I enter he stands up and rushes over to me. He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. At this point I can't keep my emotions at bay and I start to sob uncontrollably.

"We'll give you two some privacy." I hear Miller say in the background as he shuts the door behind him.

Lakyn nods in approval before turning his attention back to me.

"Charlie. Baby. It's ok. Calm down." He tells me, but I just grip on tighter. Shoving my face into his shirt, staining it with my running mascara. He places both arms around me and pulls me in just as tight. I pull away only to switch my arms from around his waist to over his shoulders. I want to get as close to him as I possibly can right now as I wrap my hands in his hair, begging him silently not to let go.

We stay like that for a couple of minutes as he lets me sob into the nape of his neck and he rubs his hands up and down my back. As my sobbing starts to calm he slowly pulls away.

"Come on, come sit ok." He says as he pulls me to the one chair on this side. I sit as he kneels in front of me, wiping the tears from my face.

"I'm so sorry Lakyn. I'm so, so sorry." I tell him. Begging him to forgive me.

"Charlie it's ok. I should have known punching him in the face wouldn't end well." He tells me. I nod slowly as he continues. "They tell me if you make a statement against him I have more chances of having the charges dropped. Did you make a statement?"

I can't help my jaw from dropping. How do I tell him I can't make a statement?

"I, ah, Lakyn. I can't" I plead with him.

At this his own jaw drops. "You can't?" he asks incredulously. "What do you mean you can't? I'm only here because I punched you're abusive ex, and you can't even make a statement for something that's true?" With this he stands and takes a step back, looking down at me. The anger and hurt is clear on his face as he waits for my response.

"If I make a statement he'll come for me Lakyn..." I trail off.

"So we get a restraining order! I'll protect you!" He's yelling at this point, unable to contain his disappointment at my lack of cooperation.

"Protect me how?!" I yell back, "With a piece of paper?! You can't be with me 24/7 Lakyn! It's not as easy as you think it is! You think Ben is going to care about a restraining order? You don't think his family has cops and judges in their pocket? There's no way to stay safe but to keep my mouth shut and hope he leaves me alone." I finish.

He looks at me with disbelief. I watch as he processes my words, the anger slowly draining from his face. As he's about to speak the door opens and Williamson pops his head in.

"Sorry to interrupt this very loud love tiff, but I need a minute alone with Mr. Carson." He tells us.

Lakyn looks at me, signalling me to leave. As I walk out the door I can't help the goosebumps that start across my skin at the horrible grin on Williamson's face. He allows me to walk past him and back out into the waiting area.

I sit in the same seat as when we first got here and fidget with my hands once again. They seem to take forever before the door finally opens with Lakyn emerging. I look up at him searching for some kind of reassurance, but there's nothing there. And as he looks at me I see a split second of pain before a look of indifference comes across his face.

As he walks in my direction I stand up, waiting to meet him, but he just walks past me. I turn on my heels to keep up pace with him.

"Lakyn what happened? We can just go?" I ask.

"Yeah, charges have been dropped. Let's get you home." He tells me, not looking at me.

His tone tells me it's the end of our discussion and we walk in silence back to the car.