The Edensor Paradise

Joshua's first 10 years were centred on his relationship with a tall silver haired woman with golden rimmed spectacles, and cotton padded coats that felt warm and soft when they embraced. The two of them would play badminton in a lush green back garden, which was awash with the multi- colour of summer flowers that made great exploring grounds whilst they leant over the cobbly sandstone paths. The house and grounds were the territory for never ending games for Josh, Marty, Jacob and George. The back of the garden backed onto a stream along a footpath shadowed by large trees that were just inside the boundary. Hide and seek was a game played in the bracken which surrounded these trees. Joshua didn't mind playing imaginary ball games, with imaginary crowds, all by himself. Often those who are slightly unique, if at all, feel out of place in a world that rushes on by. The garden, nearby walks for pets, large detached house and tool laden garage was a paradise to him. He would think about this place from the busy classrooms, and then the garish world when this place was a beautiful memory.

One summer's day the four boys were playing a game involving throwing a soft ball, from the front garden to the back garden, over the large apex of water and moss covered roof tiles. They would run from the grass to the hard surfaces, and sometimes their lower legs would be scraped and grazed with areas of bumpy redness caused by burrowing through bushy and muddy sections obstructed by branches, broken branches and loose twigs. With the setting sun, and as they became parched and sweaty, the silver haired woman would set out a sparkling array of crystal cut glasses, a glass jug and a tin of rich cookies on a circular metal table in the middle of the clearing. The four of them placed themselves around the table with many mudded scars and leaves hanging off T-shirts that clung to their torsos. The silver haired woman collected the glasses after they enjoyed the late evening refreshment.

'I can't wait until the next holiday,' said Josh whilst gulping a glass of lemon and barley water.

'I can't either. But there's a lot of school before then', replied George. George was a slim young ten year old with shoulder length black hair and a variety of different coloured T-shirts and tracksuit trousers. He had a great sense of humour and was a great friend to Joshua in their school years.

'Don't worry Josh, I'll help you with the homework', lovingly said the silver haired woman. 'I'm sure you and George will be fine, it's less daunting than you think'.

On that same night, Joshua was in the spare bedroom just left of the top of a long and narrow flight of steps. Joshua and Marty were staying there at the weekend, and Marty was in another room at the other end of a corridor illuminated in the day time by a long window which lined most of the top of the building below the roof. Joshua would always sleep well through the night, and be awoken by the small birds singing in the trees after the sunlight seeped around the soft curtains. The woman whom he loved would have breakfast ready, which Josh and Marty would enjoy whilst watching early morning television.

Joshua always thought of Marty as a strong teenage lad who took on the role of protective brother. Josh and Marty always had a fun-filled day, when they stayed here, and played games of all kinds, of which some were related to ancient wars involving swords and shields. In these moments, Josh was a safe and happy young 10 year old. However, he didn't want these days to end, and he knew that school was around the corner.

As children our imaginations are vivid. We can be scared of the nocturnal hours, as things that maybe should be left unknown have been made known. For some reason Joshua was unsettled on one occasion towards the end of summer, and thought he could hear a murmur in the corridor. Joshua felt scared that night and had to creep through the bedroom door, and say to the woman that on this occasion he couldn't sleep. Joshua now can see that maybe the journey is what we are most afraid of. From a slightly disturbed comfort, to the cautious navigation of darkness and then to the shadowy twilight of the journeys passing place, the ones that Joshua could trust were like beacons illuminating the narrow paths, recesses and valleys.

When you love someone, their habits, shortcomings, strange and overwhelming fears aren't what you see. Her love for Josh was unconditional. The woman took Joshua back through to his bedroom, tucked him in underneath the duvet and said to him the words:

'Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, bless the bed that I lay on'.

When Josh grew older, he often forgot about this relationship and that it is relationships like this that are more valuable than gold. When young men grow up they are often attracted by the staircase that has walls of golden and electronic lights. When this was shown to Joshua, it was met initially with overwhelming fear. One might say that this fear was that this strange world would only lead him downwards, to take him away from the paradise he knew.

The woman died, under tragic circumstances, when Josh was 14. The biggest tragedy of all was that in those years, in which she was becoming unwell, Josh was also and this meant that they no longer had a close relationship. Joshua watched the woman he loved become someone he couldn't relate to, and in the process he lost something of his ability to be a loving member of the Smith family. The woman also said, on one occasion when Josh was 12 or 13, she didn't recognize Joshua as the loving boy he used to be. When Joshua was told this, thoughts of despair must have been imprinted on his mind. However, this is a story about a glint in the eye of a despairing void. The last words she said to Joshua were:

'Don't let life pass you by love. Take it with both hands because you only get one chance.'