[~60~]

Nine days before announcement. Actually, I really really have such as mental disease during this period for waiting that announcement. I don't know what to do, it's really exclude my ability. One thing I can do only pray and pray. I have insecurities, I have stressful, my sleep time really broken, I wake up at 2 am, eat, then sleep at morning until afternoon, then eat and sleep from 12 pm until 2/3 am.

During that times, I also really difficult to control my emotion. I can't control my angry. I got dissapointed. I really have bad temperamen during this time. Cry and cry, I always do that when I wake up at 2 am. I'm alone. I also don't know to whom I'll tell, except My God, the one who knows everything about me.

I also have mental breakdown. I want to help, but my self always said that "I'm nothing, don't do that, don't think you can". I really think that I can't do something, my life really really ruin because all of this.

What I can do is tell to Jesus what I'm going through, what my bad day, what my mind tell me make me down. what every single things that make me down.

I trust my Jesus. Yes, I really have trust issues to all people, include my self. I can only tell to the one I love the most, to the one I give my whole life, Jesus.