Fanfic #144 Joker: Painting Hell With A Smile by TMoe1997(BatmanXHazbinHotel)

This fanfic is a crossover between Batman and Hazbin Hotel following the Joker in the Hazbin Hotel universe. I really like this fanfic because it's a lot of fun with typical Joker antics, but it also explores the Hazbin Hotel world and develops other characters.

Synopsis: The Clown Prince of Crime is finally dead, but he doesn't know why. Not that he cares anyways. With his death he's found new life, and he is ready to spread his special brand of joy to all the denizens of Hell. There will be carnage, death, and plenty of laughs. And who knows what colorful characters he'll meet along the way? It's never an uneventful day whenever the Joker is around.

Rated: M

words: 49k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32207689/chapters/79811983

Here's the first chapter:

All it takes is one bad day.

It's what made me who I am. Failed father. Failed husband. Failed comedian. Failed businessman. Failed… whatever. I don't even remember what I was a failure of. But I remember falling. And that sickening stench of chemicals growing stronger as I fell. Until I was completely enveloped by it, submerged in that toxic liquid. And in those last moments before I lost all vision, through the red haze of the helmet stuck to my head, I saw him standing high above me. And no, I don't mean God, although it would be funny if he dressed like that.

The next thing I know I'm laying face-first in mud, the sound of rain echoing around the dome that gripped my skull. And it wasn't until I stripped it off that I came face to face with… well, my face. Although it was hard to tell it was even mine at first. I couldn't begin to understand, by all accounts I should be dead. After all, I didn't have anything to live for, so why wasn't I dead? Then it hit me, it was a joke. It was a joke everyone around me would laugh at, and I couldn't understand at the time what was so funny. But in that moment, I understood. And for the very first time

I laughed.

I laughed until I cried, then laughed some more. I have nothing to live for? Hardly. I have everything to live for! No name, no face, no failed past; nothing but a future! A damn did it look bright.

"Although… I don't think you're quite paying attention to my story, are you?" I asked the red creature sitting across from me. "Please if I'm boring you, just tell me, I would hate to ramble on deaf ears."

The red creature looked on with dull eyes, his mouth hung limp.

"I can tell by your slack-jawed expression you're incredibly bored," I sighed. "I understand your boredom friend," I continued, wrapping an arm around my oddly-colored compatriot, "I used to have so much fun in those early days. You see, I made my goal on that day, nay, my mission! To spread laughter and cheer to all who sulk in the dark. I would put on a bright colorful costume and jump rooftop to rooftop scouring the city for anyone to share my laughter with. Sometimes I'd perch on a gargoyle and reflect whimsically on my jokes. But at the end of the day, as long as someone was laughing, I knew my city was in good hands."

The man in my arms slumped forward and hit his head on the bar in front of us. "Well, looks like SOMEONE drank too much. Barkeep! We may want to cut this one off," I shouted. After getting no reply in return, I sighed, "You just can't hire good help these days. Now what was I saying? Oh right."

My city was in good hands, the keyword is "was". That's when he showed up again, the man who is not God. This absolute madman who ran around dressed like a bat! He made a mockery of everything I've done! He swore an oath to beat the ever living hell out of anyone in his way, knocking the smiles right out of their mouths! He put on a dark brooding costume, and made dark brooding perches on gargoyles. My gargoyles! And as if it couldn't possibly get any worse, he called me the criminal. Me! The man who paralyzed people from the neck down called me a criminal. Now will I say I'm perfect? Of course not, I'm not a liar. I have made mistakes along the way. But what's a couple hundred, or maybe a couple hundred thousand, mistakes? At least people were happy, and that's worth all the mistakes in the world. But I can tell you firsthand that nobody smiled when this guy was around. He was like the anti-me, his brooding and scowling was infectious. You'd think I'd hate the guy, but on the contrary, he made my work all the more meaningful. Once he came into my life I couldn't think of a day without him in it. We were pretty much a dynamic duo. If he wasn't there every time I helped someone, it would feel empty.

"So I hope now you can see my melancholy friend. Because I'm here, and he's up there, punching people without abandon. Do you think he misses me as much as I miss him? Oh he must spend even more time sulking on gargoyles now. It's almost enough to make me cry," I finished, dramatically putting the back of my hand to my head. Opening one eye I looked down at the man, still slumped onto the bar. I grimaced slightly. "Hellooooo?" I asked, leaning over cupping a hand to my ear.

After no response I swiveled in my seat to address the whole bar, "Oh don't tell me I was talking to myself again, what's the matter with you? Is everyone dead?!"

-3 hours earlier-

I awoke with a start. I was lying face-first in the grass, my head pounding. Putting a hand up to it I groaned and rolled onto my back. With my eyes closed I took a few moments to breathe and wait until the pain subsided. In those moments I tried to think of what happened for me to get here. Usually when I wake up like this it's in my cold cell, or in the trunk of a heavily armored supercar. But this was new, so what the hell happened? And why can't I for the life of me remember? As I felt the pain go away I opened my eyes to see a familiar red sky, along with something new. A giant pentagram floating above towering skyscrapers. This was enough to wake me up fully from my dazed state.

"What the hell is this?" I said to nobody. Picking myself up I dusted down and looked at myself to see what new injuries I sustained today. For my second shock since waking up I found myself mostly unscathed. My shoes were still shiny and pointed. My bright purple suit remained colorful, torn only in the familiar places. My flower still wilted, yet it was pinned to my chest in the same place. And my gloves matched my suit with a darker purple shade. Everything was accounted for, which only served to add to my confusion. Looking up from my suit I surveyed the area surrounding me. Trees surrounded the immediate area, some bushes here and there, and behind me there was a sidewalk stretching through the trees in two directions. Light posts lined the sidewalk illuminating the path and between every other post there was a bench. A small garden with flowers of multiple varieties sat directly across the sidewalk from where I stood. There was nobody else with me.

"So… Gotham Central Park eh? It looks almost like it, but it seems off. Did Ivy do something different while she was out?" I asked aloud, once again to nobody. "That still doesn't explain the giant pentagram though," I continued, turning my eyes once again to the sky above. "Could it be aliens? If it is, that means Batsy won't be paying attention to me, what a pity."

I frowned, thinking for a moment, then smiling. "Well, this will at least give me some people to kill. I mean, time to kill, until he's done being preoccupied. Oh but so many ideas! I just don't know what to do first."

Stepping forward, I walked onto the sidewalk and followed the path out of the park.

"Let's see," I put my arms behind my head as I thought to myself, "I could go to Mercy Hospital, swap out all the oxygen tanks with my special brand of happy gas. That's a classic. Oh! Or, maybe shoot everyone in that one comedy club on Miller Avenue. They never were funny. But… if this is some weird alien thing, I could always do the classic 'bombing an orphanage', they'd never know it was me! Hmmm, how about… all of the above! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"

It was then I heard the familiar click of a gun hammer being pulled back, and I stopped in my tracks.

"Alright weirdo, quit talkin' to yourself and hand over everythin' you got. Then I'll put a bullet between your eyes," a voice said behind me.

Then in front of me I saw two figures step out of the trees, but in the darkness of the shade I couldn't make out what they looked like. Not concerning myself with them for a moment I began to address the man behind me.

"Alright, firstly my friend, you don't threaten to kill someone once you steal from them, you threaten to do it IF they don't hand things over. That's theft 101 for you. And secondly, do you have any IDEA who you are threatening? I am," I spun around to face my assailant, and had my third shock, "JESUS!"

The man behind me wasn't a man at all. He was a giant gun! With legs and arms that resembled those old cartoons, he even had the gloves! And he had cartoony eyes that sat on the sides of the gun, which now looked quizzically at me.

"Oh yeah buddy? And I'm Moses, now hand over all your shit cause if I shoot you now there won't be much of you left to steal from."

Whipping my head around, I noticed the other two figures had moved in closer. I could see one of them was a giant mole wearing blue overalls, and wielding an especially large pickaxe. And his comrade was, ironically enough, a bat. Although he looked nothing like the one I'm familiar with, and the suit he wore wasn't grey nor spandex. Rather a bright red, and in his hand he was carrying a normal-sized gun. Turning my attention back to the big gun, he extended his arm out and made a motion with his hand.

"Ok so, what the hell are you? I've met some pretty odd people in my life believe me but you are something else entirely. And you called ME weird, how do you even work?"

The gun didn't seem to like my comments, "Keep talkin man, I got no problem just killin' you right now."

"I'm sorry but, at least your friends make sense. Believe it or not giant animals are very common around here, but you… let me guess. Experiment gone wrong? Alternate dimension? Dark dimension? The future?" I pointed up to the sky, "Alien?"

"Ok, that's enough," he said, cutting me off. His eyes narrowed in what I assumed to be a glare, "I'll see what I can find off the pieces of your corpse." I started to see the trigger on this gun-man being pulled back.

Sticking my hand out and making a stop motion I blurted out, "Alright alright I give up! Just… lemme search through my coat, see if I have anything so I can save you the trouble of wasting your time."

The trigger on the gun relaxed, "Fine, get to it pal."

I reached into my coat, annoyed at the situation I was in. This can't be Gotham, everyone in Gotham knows who I am. The gun-man-thing would be pissing lead if he knew who I was. No, I'm not in Gotham, so where the hell am I? That's something I'll have to figure out once I deal with this. Do I even have anything on me? For some reason I'm having trouble finding my usual toys.

"Hurry up pal, you better not be stalling," the gun man said.

Looking up at him, "Keep your clip in, I'm looking. You know, I was unconscious not ten minutes ago. It's hard to focus when you've possibly had a few marbles knocked loose. And you know what they say about losing your marbles! They're hard to find."

Then my hand brushed against something. It was small and round, and I felt a bit of string sticking out of it. I stopped and gave an especially large grin, and my eyes turned back to the giant gun.

"Hey! What's so funny clown?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just… I thought of a joke. Would you like to hear it?"

"Seriously? Look, I told you what I want, and so far my hands are still empty. So make with the change already!"

"Yes yes, I know but… you're going to kill me anyways and I thought, I might as well have a last request right? And I should get it out of the way now rather than later, before I forget you know?"

The gun seemed irritated by this. Putting his hands by his grip, his foot tapped annoyingly on the ground. With an annoyed sigh, he replied, "Alright fine, whatever, I ain't got nothin' else tonight. Just make it quick, and make it funny."

"Oh I will, it'll blow you away." I chuckled a little, "Knock knock."

"Seriously? A knock knock joke?" The gun rolled its eyes. "Who's there?"

"Ka."

"Ka who?"

My smile widened even more. In a quick motion, I pulled the small bomb from my coat and shoved it into the end of the gun's mouth-barrel. Then, leap-frogging off the top of the gun I landed behind him and wrapped my arms through his trigger hole.

"KA-BOOM!"

Pulling the trigger back as hard I could, I watched the gun man explode into shrapnel as the bullet connected with the bomb. What used to be his barrel was fractured and split open in multiple directions, black smoke leaked out the top and into the air. His big eyes rolled back to look at me as his arms and legs went limp. I grimaced as my eyes met his. "Uegh, creepy." I let go of him and he fell to the sidewalk with a loud clunk, his one eye squished between his body and the ground. With his barrel tilted down, liquid as black as the smoke started to drool out the end and pool onto the ground beneath him. I looked down at him, my smile having returned to my face.

"I told you it would blow you away! Uhehehehaha. And I thought my guns were outlandish. But a giant talking gun? There's something I'll have to think about adding to my collection." My attention turned to his two comrades, who were looking at me in shock. I could see they were hesitant on what to do now that I killed their leader. I decided it would be best to speak first.

"Now what to do about the two of you?"

I put my hand up to my chin, closing one eye and arching the other as I put on the act of thinking. "Hmmmm."

At that moment, the one that looked like a giant mole in overalls got an expression of anger and started to charge at me. His bat friend hung back, still hesitant on how to react.

"I'm gonna skewer ya you sadistic clown!" The mole shouted, his pickaxe dragging behind him as he got closer. I held my ground, and went back to searching through my coat again. Normally I keep it close to me but once again I was having trouble finding it. What the hell is going on? It's like things are shifting around inside my clothes without my knowledge. Did I put them on backwards? Seriously, how hard is it to find… oh there it is. And just in time too, as the mole had now stopped just short of me and was raising his pickaxe high in the air behind him ready to slam it down on my head. His eyes, while beady, were full of animosity. Naturally, using my daring intellect, I analyzed his entire moveset; what he was going to do and how fast the velocity of the axe would be as it descended upon me, judged the wind speed and temperature, made a note to pick up eggs before I forgot. And then, I stepped to the side.

The pickaxe slammed into the ground, embedding itself deep into the sidewalk where I once stood. The mole, noticing he didn't impale me, let out an angry grunt and tried to pull his pickaxe back out of the ground. It didn't budge. Confused, the mole desperately continued to tug at the handle of his weapon but to no avail. I decided to watch him for a few more moments, then I walked to his side.

Clamping a hand down on his shoulder, I said, "Ooooh what a shame, swing and a miss champ. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do better next season. In the meantime, how about we play a new game to cheer you up, hm?" Grabbing the object in my coat, I felt the familiar metal as I pulled it out to show it to the mole man. Displaying my crowbar proudly I smiled and said, "Ever hear of whack-a-mole?"

Fear instantly came to the mole person's eyes, and they were the last thing I saw in his eyes before my crowbar smashed into his skull and popped them right out. The sight of his eyes dangling out of his skull and swinging about like a pair of tetherballs made me burst out laughing. Shakily, he tried to crawl away, but with his new lack of vision and possible brain damage he just kept going round and round in circles, which made me laugh all the harder. In-between my laughs I swung the crowbar up and back down onto the man's skull, caving it in more and more and throwing blood everywhere. Staining the sidewalk and grass beneath us in a bright red. With every loud crunch his movements slowed, and then stopped. Then the only movements his body made was a shudder as my crowbar embedded itself into what was left of his cranium. This was too much fun.

Eventually I only heard the loud clang of metal on concrete, and I stopped, having nothing left of substance to slam my crowbar into. Breathlessly I crouched down and said, "Y'know… I normally use this thing on robins…" I gestured to the crowbar in my hands, "but it seems to work just as well with any animal."

Wiping sweat off my forehead I heard the sound of vomiting from my left, and looked at the bat person who was now on their hands and knees chucking up whatever it is they ate today. "Oh god I can't fucking do this I…" they paused to vomit some more. Spitting a couple times they continued, "I just wanted easy money man, I don't wanna die. I, fuck, I gotta get out of here!"

He started to scramble back onto his feet, careful not to slip on the puddle of vomit beneath him. Watching him, I stood back up and dropped the crowbar to the ground. Reaching into my coat for the last time, I pulled out a standard revolver and pointed it at him. "Don't move another step!"

The bat person froze, looking at me with the same fear the mole person had. Walking closer to him I continued, "Yes, don't move an inch. Don't blink, don't sing showtunes, and most of all," I stopped right in front of him, the gun pointed right at his temple, "don't breathe."

The bat was scared stiff as he took in one last lungful of air and held it. Arching an eyebrow, I smiled at him. "You know what's funny? Besides everything else that's happened so far? You are nothing like the bat I know, the complete opposite in fact. I killed two people, and you responded by sitting down and crying and vomiting, possibly pissing yourself too. You wear a suit that doesn't look like an insane person made it. The color though. Red? Tacky. And speaking of insane, who commits crimes in a suit anyways? You'd have to be a total nutcase! Eheheheheh."

Tears streamed down the bat's face and he shook slightly as whatever oxygen he had left in his body ran out. "And you know what's funnier than all that?" I asked, leaning closer to the bat, making him recoil slightly in fear. Looking into his dark beady eyes I said, "You three schmucks have no idea who I am. This may not be Gotham, but people around the world know who I am. So either I'm not in the world, or you are the dumbest criminals alive. Jury's still out in either case. But I do intend to find out. So allow me to remedy the current issue, and tell you," I pressed the gun harder against the bat's head, "who I am."

"C-can I b..reathe f-first?" The bat squeaked out, all oxygen drained from his system. Noticing how my introduction would do no good if he was unconscious, I permitted it. "Oh all right, one breath," I put a finger up.

The bat's mouth and eyes opened wide as he inhaled as much oxygen as possible, and I took that opportunity to remove the gun from his head and place it inside his mouth. His wide eyes looked down at his mouth, then back at me.

"I'm the goddamn Joker."

I stepped back and fully extended my arm, squeezing the trigger of the gun. The bat closed his eyes.

Bang.

Slowly, the bat opened his eyes one by one, seeing light smoke escape his mouth then looking past that into my eyes. I retained my steely scowl as we locked eyes. Slowly, I pulled the gun back out of his mouth, and with it a small flag pole. At the end, a cloth flag covered in saliva read "BANG!". A large grin swept back across my face as I waved it at him. Then I erupted into laughter as the bat looked at me in fearful confusion.

"Wha- I don't… understand? Aren't you going to… kill me?" The bat stuttered, stepping back a bit and putting his arms up defensively.

I laughed for a few more seconds before I gave my response. "Kill you? Oh please. There'll be time for that later!" I walked to the bat's side and wrapped an arm tightly around him, bringing him in close. "Like I said, I have no idea where I am. And while I could figure it out by myself, I feel it would speed things along if I had a guide. And considering you're the only one around here with an intact skull, that job will have to go to you!"

The bat struggled slightly in my grip. "Well-ell, I mean, I don't think I really should," he stammered.

"Oh no no, please." I thumbed the hammer on the gun back, causing the flag to fall from the barrel, and loaded the next real round into the chamber and placed the gun back against his head. "I insist."

The bat looked frightfully up at me, then back ahead of him, then nodded his head quickly. Removing the gun from his skull I laughed, "Atta boy! Now then, take me somewhere fun! We can talk along the way." I paused for a moment, embarrassed by my lack of manners. "Oh how rude of me, I nearly forgot to ask for your name."

"It-It's Bruce… just, Bruce," the bat whimpered out.

"Bruce? What a fun name! I have a feeling we'll get along well together, for what little time you have left alive." The bat whimpered some more hearing that. "Now then, onward Bruce! The park isn't as lively as it once was!"

I burst out into laughter at my wisecrack, Bruce hung his head low and shook as he let out more tears. And with one foot in front of the other we strolled along the sidewalk and followed it as it led out of the park and into the city beyond.