Fanfic #236 Trying To Get Myself Killed: Westeros Edition by NotAHero(ASOIAF)
This fanfic is a self insert, based on the author's jump chain, into Game of Thrones following an oc. I really like this fic because it's pretty fun with a mc that doesn't care what happens to himself and the developing consequences of his actions.
Synopsis: Much like Highest Bidder, this is another off the timeline edition (Non-canon) of my jumpchain story, only unlike the DC off-shoot, this is not an alternate sequel to any of the canon worlds. Oh, our dear is has also been neutered in the 'ridiculously, obscenely, overpowered' for the universe department. That's right folks his Haki, ninety-nine-point-nine percent of his magic and chakra/seal/jutsu/ninja bullshit has officially been put under a lock and a key lost so far in the wilderness, Brightroar's more likely to make a cameo before 'em. Needless to say, the title is very apt. Because fuck trying to win that shitstorm of a war with martial prowess 'cos that's all he's got!
Rated: M
words: 41k
https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/trying-to-get-myself-killed-westeros-edition-asoiaf-si.973846/reader/
Here's the first chapter:
Fuck everything right now. Fuck the trees, fuck the hills, fuck this particular strand of grass- Fuck that arrogant ass comet in the sky.
Fuck it all to the seven hells.
One. I have no fucking idea where I am. I've been walking for days, almost starved like three times, and very likely may have poisoned myself by drinking spring water and eating damn near raw uppity fucking rabbits.
It took me like five hours to get a fire out of those fucking sticks.
Two. Damn near everything I worked my ass off to steal, copyright, and learn has literally been taken away from me because of some bullshit 'balance' update I was forced to take before I fell into this shithole of a universe. Like seriously, it hadto be one if magic didn't seem to fucking exist.
Three.
...Yeah, I got nothing. I sighed as I stared up at the sky, my back on the grass as I contemplated my new world.
I ignored the sound of steps running towards me, hopeful they'd just ignore the clearly deranged looking fucker before 'em.
I wasn't keen on interacting with anyone right-
The sound of those steps promptly stopped, a few feet away from me.
Letting out another sigh, I idly lowered my gaze and found myself staring at a bemused, dumb as a rock looking, wolf.
I waited a single beat, contemplating the creature before I let out another sigh and stared back up into the sky.
Death by wolf was certainly better than boredom I supposed.
I couldn't be asked to really fight back, and judging by the little beast, I doubted punching it in the face was going to help much.
Though I was somewhat surprised the wolf just sat there on it's legs as it tilted it's head at me, somehow ignoring it's natural instinct to rip and tear my throat a new one.
Needless to say, I didn't give enough of a fuck to care. And judging by the peaceful nature it somehow seemed to have evolved with, neither did it.
It wasn't until a few hours later that I promptly slapped myself for my stupidity.
...
The ground below me was suddenly rocked with a gallop of footsteps as I let out another sigh, still staring ahead into the sky, one hand idly scratching the back of the docile overgrown dog beside me.
Judging by my next visitor, it was either a wolf with horse shoes, or someone stuck in the medieval age given they were riding a fucking horse of all things-
"Lady!" A male voice promptly remarked causing a momentary look of horror to wash over me-
Did I get fucking genderbended too!?
I briefly pat my chest and was unsurprised to find myself a flat-chested one as well-
Thankfully, my momentary panic subsided as the overgrown dog promptly leapt from under my hand and dashed towards the voice.
"Who the fuck names a wolf Lady?" I deadpanned towards the sky after another moment, before lowering my head down and raising myself and crossing my legs into a seated position-
"My daughter." Sean fucking Bean responded towards me.
"..." I stared at him, he stared right back, before another wolf promptly came into my view from beside the horse.
"So," I smiled, finally realising where the fuck I'd just landed, before standing up and patting my tattered clothing."Given I've just clearly insulted your daughter, entirely on purpose-" His eyes briefly narrowed, before bemusement filled his gaze. "-Will you do me the honour of slitting my throat with your magic sword and getting me out of this fucking shit hole you call a continent?" I gave him my most dazzling smiling.
And for a brief moment, I swear he looked confused enough to just do it. I think-
I sighed when his honour evidently stopped him as he narrowed his eyes and shook his head.
"Have care how you-"
"I mean just give me a dagger! I'll do it myself!" I deadpanned, interrupting him.
Kudos to the fucker, he didn't even consider it, instead he elected to look me up and down for a moment, before his eyes locked onto the direwolf he'd been looking for and then back to me.
"Who are you?" He questioned warily, before narrowing his eyes. "And why do you wish to die so badly?"
I gave him a deadpan look.
"I could seriously ask you the same." I snorted. "I mean really, becoming Hand?" I crossed my arms. "Don't you know Starks don't belong in the south?"
"..." His eyes narrowed the slightest bit further as I watched him tense briefly. "Answer the question." He remarked tersely. "In the name of Robert Baratheon." He briefly looked around, taking the vast expanse around us, before settling back on me. "Who sent you?"
"Suspicious already?" I quirked an eyebrow, "You really do have an eye for trouble." If only it weren't so fucking blind. I couldn't help the snort before I promptly leaned my back on the grass. "I am no one important Stark, be on your merry way to your death and let me find my own-"
Needless to say, the sight of Ice suddenly in front of my face was a welcome surprise.
"Answer-" He promptly leaned his blade back in shock as I tried to dive my face into it, while his horse whined in surprise at the jostle of movement, and both Direwolves started barking. The action stunning him for a moment, while I pouted at the missed opportunity.
"Oh bother, if I tell you who killed Jon Arryn, will you please kill me then?"
I don't think that helped the tension either as his eyes geniunely narrowed at me, his emotions no longer hidden behind a mask. When he made to open his mouth, I interrupted him again-
Like seriously how many buttons do I gotta push to get a sword in the face!?
"...Man it's a fucking miracle you know." I shook my head in genuine exasperation, "How you managed to convince the world Jon ain't Lyanna's dragon bastard is beyond me-"
Needless to say, that time his anger took hold as he swung at me, eyes widened in genuine shock and surprise.
Unfortunately, the fucking Direwolf's howl shook his horse backwards enough for the blade to miss.
That still didn't prepare me for the awkward moment that came after as Eddard quickly took control of his emotion and had absolutely no fucking idea on how to proceed following his attempted murder of me.
"...I won't tell anyone if you try again." I deadpanned towards him, raising my neck to give him a clean hit. "Like seriously, get off your high horse and just do it!"