39

Jungkook

The darkness never truly left me. It's always there, waiting for the right moment to strike.

It's been months since I ran away from the nightmare that was slowly killing me.

I ran for my life, straight into the arms of a man who I thought would be worse than the nightmare I'd left behind.

Little did I know he'd become my saviour.

But my happy ending was ripped away from me in a blink of an eye. I had everything… and I lost everything.

There usually comes a time when the darkness becomes too much and you succumb to it.

You drown in it, suffocate until you are breathless.

The darkness never truly leaves you. It's always there, waiting for the right moment to strike.

And just like that, the darkness never truly left me.

Until I had stumbled upon a man I thought would be worse than my nightmare.

Oh, little did I know…

He became my saviour, and I was still basking in our blissful times.

***

Jimin dragged me up the last step and stopped in front of Taehyung.

"I was thinking of taking Jungkook out shopping tomorrow. He's been living with us for some time now and doesn't have any clothes except for him black ones and the one outfit Mum got him on the first day."

Shopping?

Shocked, I stared at Jimin.

He didn't tell me anything about this.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Taehyung looking at me, I glanced up and our eyes met.

Licking my lips nervously, I played with the hem of my shirt as his penetrating gaze sent a shiver down my body.

"Of course. You can take him," Taehyung said, keeping his piercing blue eyes on me. "But why are you asking me?" he questioned, now looking at Jimin suspiciously.

Jimin rolled him eyes and letting out a huff of annoyance, he crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. There's a difference. I'm just letting you know so you don't go batshit crazy and start panicking when you don't see Jungkook."

I didn't pay attention to Jimin's words because my mind was still trying to register what Taehyung said.

I was allowed to go out.

Taehyung was letting me go out.

I stared at Taehyung, speechless, my body trembling slightly.

I was never allowed to leave my father's estate, not even a step outside of the gates. The furthest I had ever gone was to our back garden.

I wasn't allowed to roam free.

All my days and nights were spent locked in my room or my piano room. I didn't know much about the outside world.

But now, I could go see the world.

I could go shopping… something I never had a chance to do. Byungchan was the one who chose all my clothing, I just had to wear what he gave me, a doll he liked to dress and own.

Taehyung and Jimin were talking, their voices sounded like they were coming from underwater.

I could only focus on Taehyung's face.

He was slowly giving me things I had lost.

Taehyung was giving me back my life.

Freedom.

I was finally truly free.

The one thing I had always wanted, hoped and prayed for every night as I cried myself to sleep, my soul breaking.

After every torturous night, that was what I dreamed of.

Taehyung eyes were on me again. I saw his forehead creased in worry. "Jungkook?"

I snapped out of my daze and then nodded my head. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay with going shopping tomorrow?" he asked softly.

I nodded again, but this time my lips stretched in a smile. "Y-yes."

"Good."

He gave me a small smile, turned around and walked away. I grabbed Jimin's hands, excitement coursing through my body until I vibrated with it.

"I can go shopping?" I asked, staring into his eyes, my heart feeling hopeful.

"Of course, babe. Why not? You desperately need clothes." He laughed.

We resumed our walk to my bedroom. I was giddy, like a child getting a new toy for the first time.

"When are we going?"

"Maybe after lunch? Tomorrow?"

"That sounds good. I can't wait," I muttered, closing the door behind us.

Jimin jumped on the bed and took the remote in his hand. "So? What movie?"

I shrugged and joined him on the bed, propping myself on the pillow, I looked at the TV as he searched for some movies.

"I don't know. Maybe something funny." I paused and then looked at Jimin from the corner on my eyes. "And romantic?" I finished.

He laughed. "Gotcha, babe. The Notebook it is."

"The Notebook?" I questioned as he started the movie.

"Get your tissues ready, Jungkook. You're going to love this."

***

I woke up from a kiss behind my ear.

The ticklish feeling brought me back from my deep slumber, I let out a yawn. I moaned, stretching out as the sunlight shone brightly behind my closed eyes.

I could feel its warmth bathing my face and I smiled.

My eyes opened, only to see Taehyung sitting next to me. He was already dressed in his

impeccable suit, his hair a little wet with a few strands sticking to his forehead.1

"Good morning," he murmured, gently moving my hair from my face.

"Good morning," I whispered back sleepily.

"I'll see you at breakfast," Taehyung said as he got up.

Nodding, I watched him smile before he left the room. When the door closed behind him, I turned around and burrowed further into my pillow.

Today was the day. I was going shopping.

Letting out a small, excited laugh, I got up and went to the bathroom. After freshening up, I changed into my black shirt and trousers. I finger-combed a few strands of my hair and it fell in small waves behind my ear, just the way Taehyung loved it.

My smile dropped when I caught sight of my scars in the mirror.

Swallowing hard, I looked down at my arms and traced the pink lines with my fingers.

I thought of Byungchan.

Slowly, I lost the little hope that was blooming in my chest.

My heart clenched.

I couldn't go shopping.

That wasn't possible.

Not when someone was still looking for me.

My father is dead, certainly, Byungchan is too.

But...

What if I went out, his loyal men found me and I would be taken - back to the hell I had been in.

I would have to live my nightmare again.

I didn't think I was strong enough to go through it again.

After finding such happiness, if I had to go back, this time… I wouldn't make it out alive.

I had just found my heart, I wasn't ready to lose it.

Taking several deep breaths, I tried to calm the panic rising inside of me. I placed a hand over my chest and controlled my breathing as Sam taught me.

The world eventually stopped spinning, my vision wasn't blurry anymore. With a shake of my head, I walked out of the bathroom and Taehyung's room, closing the door behind me.

How was I going to explain this to Jimin? He was excited to go shopping with me.

He had everything planned, the shopping and even going as far as making plans to watch a movie afterwards and then having dinner before returning home.

I felt guilty, knowing I had to ruin his little happy moment.

After serving lunch, I quickly made an excuse about not feeling okay, hoping it would come across as natural.

"I think I'm going to lay down. I don't feel so good," I said quietly beside Jimin.

He glanced at me, his lips twisted sadly. "Okay. Go take a break," he replied before turning back to the table.

I felt Taehyung's eyes on my back as I headed upstairs, I didn't look back. In my room, I fell on my bed with my face buried in my pillow, feeling completely emotionally and physically drained.

Both of my lives kept intersecting - My past.

My present.

There was no leaving the past behind.

When I heard Jimin's voice, I quickly sat up. "Jungkook, it's me. Can I come in?"

Pressing a trembling hand over my forehead, I shook with tension. I swallowed hard against the ball of nervousness and stood up, taking careful steps toward the door.

Think.

Think, Jungkook.

Think of something.

"I'm coming," I called out in a trembling voice.

I rested a hand on the doorknob and held my stomach with the other, biting on my lips as my shoulders strained with the tension. Opening the door, I gave Jimin a forced smile.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked worriedly, pushing the door wider to step inside.

"No. I don't feel so good. I have a headache and my stomach started to hurt a little," I mumbled, holding my stomach as I leaned against the wall.

Jimin gave me a pitied look before nodding sadly. "Anxiety? It's okay, hmm? Don't worry about it."

I nodded back. At least that was true, so it worked with my fabricated lie.

"No worries. We can shop online today if you want," he suggested.

"Okay," I replied with a smile.

That sounded better, even though I didn't know we could shop online.

How much did I miss while living with my father and Byungchan?

"I'll be right back. Let me get my laptop." Jimin left the room quickly.

I walked back to my bed and sat down.

Rubbing my hands over the satin comforter, I found the softness calming. Closing my eyes, I tried to get rid of the negative, painful thoughts.

I needed to stop thinking about the past.

"I'm back!" Jimin announced as he came back into the room. "Okay. Let's shop!" He placed the laptop between us.

I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, he knew how to make a situation lighter.

Most importantly, Jimin knew how to make me laugh and that was exactly what I needed.

***

We shopped for a while, okay, it was hours.

Jimin was a beast at shopping, he was possessed. "Shop till you drop," Jimin muttered, finally shutting his laptop.

"How much was that? You paid for me," I asked quickly.

Jimin shrugged and turned on his side to look at me.

"It's okay. You can use your salary the next time we go shopping."

"But how much was that? We bought a lot, Jimin. The blue shiny shirt was... expensive," I argued.

"I don't know. It was two thousand something," he mumbled under his breath. "And before you start, I have the money. I might be a maid," he stressed the word maid while rolling his eyes, "but Taehyung pays me a lot - Allowance and all."

"Brother benefits?"

Jimin nodded with a laugh. "Damn, that makes me sound like a horrible person."

"No. He loves you like a brother and Hae-sook like a mother. It's very obvious. I'm sure the other men feel the same way," I said, lying down on my back beside Jimin.

They all respected Jimin and Hae-sook.

The bonding of this family always left me speechless, they were the true definition of family.

Not by blood but by choice. Something I never had with my own blood, the Jeons, I found a family.

Jimin and I were both silent for some time, both staring at the ceiling, lost in our thoughts.

When he finally broke the silence, it wasn't something I ever expected him to say.

"Jungkook?"

"Hmm…?"

"I'm weird, aren't I?"

At the question, I grew confused. Turning to my side to face him as he continued to stare at the ceiling.

"No. Not at all. Why are you asking this?"

"'They' always say that I'm weird. I should be more mature and blah blah blah..."

"Who says that? That's horrible." I was outraged at the thought.

Jimin was the sweetest person I knew.

"My friends," he answered, still staring at the ceilings. "I don't have a lot of friends. I lost a lot of them over the years."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart growing tighter at the forlorn, distant expression on his face.

He was silent for a few minutes, the tension around us growing thicker as if a dark cloud had settled over us.

"I was sick," he admitted finally. It was a quiet admission, and I stared at him, confused.

"Sick? As in badly sick?" I questioned, moving closer.

Jimin nodded. "I had Hepatitis C when I was nineteen. After I was cured, I got Leukemia a year after. It's now two years since I have been cancer-free and thankfully I was able to grow out my hair."

His admission left me shell shocked. I didn't know what to say. Not once would I have guessed that he had been deathly sick.

"You know sometimes when you come close to death, you realize what you're missing and what you have been taking for granted. And I was taking my life for granted. After I was cured, I decided that I was going to live my life as if it was my last day. I was going to be happy so that I didn't have any regrets later on."

Jimin paused, a tear slipping down from the corner of his eyes.

Bringing my hand up, I swiped it away.

Before I could pull away, he grabbed my hand. "But when I got out of the hospital, after years of fighting to stay alive, I found that I had lost my friends. They'd moved on, I tried to get back into my life, trying to fit in again, but you just know when someone doesn't want you anymore. That's how I felt. Unwanted. I was unhappy."

My fingers tightened around his, giving him the strength to continue. Jimin's words brought tears to my eyes.

I knew what it was like to feel unwanted.

To feel unhappy.

So I lent him a tiny bit of strength from me.

"So I left school. I always wanted a degree. Wanted to be a lawyer. That was always my plan, but I couldn't do it anymore. I was already twenty-five, lost with no goal for my life. It felt suffocating. I felt weak and not needed. So I came back to live here with Mum and the others."

Jimin let out a small laugh before turning on his side, facing me. "I didn't know I would find happiness here but I did." He shrugged before continuing. "This is my life now but I don't want to live it maturely. I want to live it freely."

"I'm glad you were able to move on," I whispered, wiping away the tears on his pixy face.

"I don't think you're weird. I think you're the best."

"Truthfully, you are my first friend in so long. That sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?"

Letting out a laugh, I shook my head. "No. Because you're my first friend, too."

"Wow," Jimin whispered.

"Yeah."

"Your turn now," Jimin said, pointing at my chest.

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"I shared something. It's your turn."

I let go of his hand and laid down on my back again.

Share something? What did I have to share?

My truth… they were all messed up.

I couldn't even tell him the whole truth.

But maybe some of it…

"I'm engaged," I whispered to the ceiling.

Jimin was silent beside me. Then he sat up quickly. "Wha-what?" he sputtered.

The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I was in a daze, my mind lost as I went back into my past. Images after images, memories after memories flashed in front of my eyes.

"He wasn't a good man. He beat me up. I was raped—lots of times. I don't know anything about others because he never let me go outside. He was controlling. When I couldn't take it anymore, I ran away, that was how I found Taehyung. I hid in his car to escape him."

"Jungkook," Jimin gasped, his hands folding over mine.

"He said he loved me. He loved me too much. His love became a painful obsession."

"That wasn't love, Jungkook," Jimin said, his hands squeezing mine in comfort.

"I know," I faintly whispered.

Now that I thought of it, I knew Jimin was right. Byungchan never loved me. To him, I was just an item to be possessed.

Not a human… not someone he loved

Byungchan played a big part in my undoing.

I was his obsession, he was my downfall.

My nightmare.

Now, I knew what love meant.

Love meant soft kisses, gentle caresses, sweet words, understanding and loving eyes.

And Byungchan was none of that…

But I found it here.

"Who is he? Taehyung is going to kill that little shit of a human being. God, I don't even know what to call him. I can't wait for Taehyung to get his hands on him. He will wish he never laid eyes on you," Jimin growled, his hands tightening around mine.

When I was silent, Jimin came closer, placing a hand over my shoulder. "Jungkook, does Taehyung know? Did you tell him?"

I shook my head mutely, my throat closing up against my words.

"You have to tell him. He needs to know."

"He knows that I have been raped, I'm not ready to tell him the other things. I will, but... not now. I don't think I'll ever be ready, I know I have to tell him one day."

"Jungkook—"

"And you can't tell him either. Please, Jimin," I begged, quickly sitting up and grasping his hands in mine.

"That's not my story to tell. You have to tell him yourself. But you can't keep this from him for too long. In the end, you'll only hurt him and you. Taehyung needs to know."

"I will… I will tell him. Just... not now."

I was delaying the truth, hoping it would buy me time.

I was just trying to find the courage.

I didn't want to lose what I had just found.

Not yet.

***

"Jungkook, be careful. You're going to fall on those rocks," Taehyung called out from behind me.

I laughed freely, jumping from one rock to the other before landing in the cold stream.

The cold water rushed across my bare feet and came up a little bit above my ankle. "So cold," I called out.

"Yet you still insist on getting your feet wet," he mumbled, coming closer.

"It feels good. You should try it too," I suggested, turning toward him with a smile.

"No, I'm good," Taehyung said, stopping at the stream's edge, his hands buried in the pockets of his black slacks.

It had been a week since my conversation with Jimin.

Every day, I was tempted to tell Taehyung the truth, but my fear for his reaction stopped me every single time.

I didn't want to see the hate or disgust in his eyes.

I wanted him to keep looking at me with the same loving, gentle, soft eyes.

I wanted his smiles.

His soft words and gentle caresses.

I wanted them forever.

Every day with Taehyung felt like heaven.

It was a breath of fresh air.

A glow of happiness.

He was my happiness.

I had come to the point where I craved his attention.

He was like a drug, my addiction.

"You don't want to get into the water?" I pouted.

Taehyung shook his head mutely. His eyes were twinkling brightly in the sunlight.

Sending him a smile, I bent down and scooped some water in my palms. My steps were slow as I walked toward him, shoving my hands into this face.

"Here." I giggled.

Before he could do anything, I threw the cold water in his face. Taehyung flinched and reared back in surprise.

"What the—" Taehyung growled, wiping his hands over his wet face.

Hiding a laugh behind my hands, I took a few cautious steps back.

"Oops." I stuck my tongue out at him.

Taehyung raised a questioning eyebrow, a deadly smirk on his face. His eyes twinkled

mischievously as he cocked his head to the side. Without saying anything, he removed his suit jacket and threw it on the grass. As he rolled the sleeves of his white shirt up, he shook his head.

"I'm giving you a head start, kitten," he said, his voice deep and playful.

I let out a small laugh. "You won't be able to catch me," I teased before jumping out of the water and running past him.

"Let's see about that," he yelled.

Looking behind my back, I saw him coming at me in full force.

Letting out a yelp, I ran faster, turning in circles and running toward the stream again. I felt him coming closer, as soon as I was on the edge of the creek, his arm lashed out and wrapped tightly around my waist, pulling me back.

Taehyung picked me up and spun me around in circles, my laughter echoing around the creek.

"Got you," Taehyung whispered in my ears. He placed a kiss on the back of my neck. "I'll always catch you, kitten." I melted in his arms, pressing my back against his front.

"You've been very bad. Such a little minx."

"Taehyung," I breathed as he placed a kiss behind my ear.

I was about to turn around in his embrace, but my feet slipped on the wet grass. My eyes went wide as I let out a yelp, my hands going to Taehyung's collar to hold on.

"Fvck," he swore.

Everything happened so fast.

First, I was falling, and then I wasn't.

As soon as I had straightened myself, I heard a splash of water and a string of curses coming from Taehyung.

Quickly swivelling around, I faced the stream, only to let out a booming laugh when I saw him.

He was sprawled in the water, completely wet, his face a mask of astonishment.

I quickly lost my smile when I saw his face turn expressionless.

Standing frozen in my spot, I bit on my lips nervously, scared that he was going to be angry.

There was only silence for a few moments. Then a sudden laugh startled me, I jumped slightly.

I stared at Taehyung, shocked. He was laughing. Kim Taehyung was laughing. I had never seen or heard him laugh before. He was always a brooding man, his face impassive and hard.

Occasionally, he would have a full smile on his face but never a laugh. It was as if it was forbidden in some way.

Such a joyous sound coming from Taehyung sounded so foreign.

His laugh was deep and rich.

His whole face was lit up with it. As his whole body shook, all I could do was stare at him in amazement.

Such a beautiful sound coming from a broken man.

When was the last time he laughed so freely?

This… whatever I was feeling in my heart as my chest grew fuller with unnamed emotions… this was heaven.

This was true happiness.

A smile spread across my lips until my cheeks hurt from it. "I've never heard you laugh before," I whispered, kneeling on the edge.

Taehyung quickly lost his laughter, he looked confused for a second, like he couldn't believe he was laughing. He cocked his head to the side, looking at me with a strange expression on his face.

And then he smiled. "I don't think I ever had a reason to laugh before," he whispered back.

We were lost in each other's eyes. Not once did we look away, both of us refusing to break this connection.

When I finally blinked away, I looked down at the rushing water. "You said you didn't want to get into the water, right?" I teased.

Taehyung let out a small chuckle. "How the fuck did I fall and you didn't?" he muttered under his breath.

I shrugged at his question.

"Give me a hand," he said, holding out his hand. Instead, I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I know what you are doing, Taehyung. I'm not going to fall for that."

He dramatically placed a hand over his heart. "You wound me, kitten."

Shaking my head at his teasing expression, I stood up. "You should get out of the water or you'll get sick. It's too cold."

"I really need a hand, Jungkook. I think I hurt my back."

At his words, I let out a gasp. "What?"

With my heart filled with panic, I ran into the stream and bent down, giving him a hand.

"Oh my Gad. I'm so sorry. Where?"

When I realized my mistake, it was too late. His hurt expression turned into a smirk. Taehyung grabbed my hand and pulled. The next thing I knew, I was half sprawled over his chest.

"Oops," he mimicked my words from before.

Slapping him gently on the arm, I looked down at him. "Taehyung," I scolded.

"What?" He feigned innocence.

"You're so bad," I murmured, shaking my head.

I felt his hand on the back of my head, his fingers tangling in the dark strands. He pulled my head down until our lips were mere inches apart.

"I never said I was good," he replied, his voice dropping to a huskier tone.

He then claimed my lips in a hard, bruising kiss - It was possessive.

His tongue licked at my lips, coaxing me to open to his demanding advances. I readily complied, parting my lips to allow him entry. His other hand framed my face to pull me harder into him.

There was so much feeling behind this kiss that I wanted it to last forever.

Starved for air, I broke away long enough to gulp in a breath before Taehyung took my lips again.

His tongue danced with mine, touching, licking, claiming me.

His lips moved to the corner of my mouth, he placed a kiss there before dragging his lips down my jaw and the side of my neck. Throwing my head back, I gave him better access, completely lost in him, his kisses and touch driving me insane.

Taehyung sat up and shifted me around until my legs were wrapped around his waist. He stood up, his lips never once leaving my skin as he walked out of the water.

Then I was slammed against a tree, his fingers dug into my hips as he brought his lips to mine again. My hair was wrapped tightly into his fist, pulling my head back. I felt his hard length resting between my legs, my fingers tightened around his shoulders.

Taehyung suddenly pulled away harshly.

My eyes snapped open in surprise, both of us were gasping for breath when he laid his forehead against mine.

"We need to stop here," he said gruffly, his eyes still closed.

Thank you.

My hands moved from his shoulders to his neck as I held on. He was my saving grace.

"Okay,".

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes - Lust.

That was what I saw.

His need for me.

His eyes glinted with it.

"Taehyung."

He shook his head. "I just need a minute," he said before closing his eyes again, his breathing harsh.

Taehyung always stopped himself.

For me.

He put his need aside, giving me what I needed.

Always thinking of me first.

After my breakdown, he never pushed for more. This was the first time he lost control like that, yet he didn't let it go too far.

Palming his face, I gently rubbed my fingers over his cheeks. Placing a kiss on the tip of his nose, right on top of his mole, and I gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Thank you," I whispered as I placed my forehead together.