1.10 FATED LOVE: Cold

warning: brief mentions of suicide

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Tension stirs. It's suffocating but Liu Lianyu forces himself to go to continue his lecture like everything is fine and dandy. An air-headed brat who sits in the back snuck his phone into class and Liu Lianyu takes this opportunity to go absolutely berserk.

"Do you know what happens to kids who don't take their education seriously?"

The beta boy balks under his teacher's sharp tone. The whole class is silenced, eyes cautiously peeking over.

It's a one-sided massacre. The brat shrinks, "They…fail…erm, sir."

"That's right," Liu Lianyu is on the attack and he doesn't relent. There's something boiling inside him and it makes his throat itch, his eyes sting and he can't stop. He stands to the side of the boy's desk and he towers over. The shadow is large and Liu Lianyu absently thinks that he must be drunk. But on what? He doesn't know.

Liu Lianyu continues, "They fail. And they will fail the university entrance exam. And then they won't be able to go to university. Guess what happens after that."

The student whimpers. Maybe Liu Lianyu is being a bit mean but there are teachers who are even worse than him. There are teachers who aren't afraid of getting physical. He's not that bad. But today he's feeling especially bad so he smacks his textbook against the boy's desk to make him jump. "I asked a question. I expect an answer."

The boy is teary, his lips tremble, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to—"

Liu Lianyu is ruthless, "That's not what I asked."

"…If I c-can't get into college then I'll jump out the window."

Ah, Liu Lianyu finally starts to spiral back down. His eyes lose their edge while the agitation in his heart only increases. But even he knows when he's gone too far. He sighs. "Don't play with your phone in class." Liu Lianyu holds out his hand and waits for the boy to hand over his mobile. "Come find me at the end of class."

There's still an hour left but time trickles slowly. Liu Lianyu has been doing this for years so he's acquainted with shitty days, the days where he wants to rip his hair out and strangle his students to death. He tells himself that he's used to it, he tells himself that it's fine.

Mo Yinan's eyes are on his back when he writes on the chalkboard, but Liu Lianyu ignores it like he does all his other problems. It's inconsequential. It will pass, like all other things.

Winter chases away daylight; autumn fast fading. It's dark when class ends and Liu Lianyu waits for the kid to retrieve his phone. The agitation remains in Liu Lianyu's system but the anger has at least subsided.

"Don't play around in class, okay?" Liu Lianyu sighs, his voice is soft again. "And even if you did fail the college entrance exam— which you won't— your life isn't worth ending here, do you understand me?"

The boy nods meekly as he clutches his phone and makes his escape. Liu Lianyu sighs again as he drops back into his seat, exhaustion tugs at his body and his phone is vibrating in his pocket. He has no doubt it's his work WeChat group that he has no energy to look at or respond to.

Why is something as simple as living and breathing so goddamn complicated?

The fluorescent lights that flood the classroom sting his eyes and there's a headache that has claimed residency between his eyes.

He blames it on the presence that has parked itself outside of his classroom.

There's no one else around but the blinking light tells Liu Lianyu that the CCTV camera is on. "What do you want?"

"Yu-gege," Mo Yinan slides into the classroom with that dark eyes. The sparkles were likely just part of Liu Lianyu's imagination. He squints and blinks hard, hoping that they'd go away. They don't.

"That's Teacher Liu to you, young man." Liu Lianyu rubs his temple and starts packing his things. Even if he holds his breath he can still smell that sweet delicious aroma that is purely Mo Yinan. That pinewood, the ashy char and citrus mint. Delectable.

Liu Lianyu gulps.

Mo Yinan isn't daunted. He edges closer into Liu Lianyu's personal space and it makes him melt and bristle at the same time. "Do you have dinner plans tonight? Want to go somewhere together? It'll be my treat! Oh and if you're worried about time, I have a car so there's no problem there."

Liu Lianyu's heart can't handle this. He shrugs his bag over his shoulder and scowls at his tall alpha student— his soulmate. "Move. We're not friends, Mo Yinan. I'm going home."

The message doesn't really come across because Mo Yinan looks more stupefied than anything, "We're not friends," he repeats in agreement, "We're soul—"

A palm slaps over his lips and Liu Lianyu curses at himself because he's thinking about how plush and soft Mo Yinan's lips feel. "Not at school," he hisses. "And hyper-compatibility doesn't make us lovers either."

He draws his hand away, revealing a frown that's more like a pout. "Then what are we…?"

"Acquaintances," Liu Lianyu bites out as he pushes past Mo Yinan and makes a break for it. "Student and teacher at best."

He storms down the hall hoping there's no one around because Mo Yinan is on his tail. "Wait! Yu-ge— Teacher Liu. Please wait. What's wrong? Did something happen? What did I do? I—"

The irritation grows into a monster and the hallways in the school are dark. He finds the stairwell and flies down the steps. Someone passes them by but Liu Lianyu doesn't even look up. Mo Yinan is still after him. "Don't follow me."

"Teacher Liu!"

Even when he's out the door and the cold air bites at his face, the moon bright above him, it's still not safe. Mo Yinan is relentless. "Just yesterday we were—"

Liu Lianyu can't take it anymore. He snaps on his heel and faces him, his expression is something between livid and mad. Steel-blue eyes are wide, mouth pulled into a snarl, Liu Lianyu finds that his muscles are all wound up and he's like fire, compressed and about to explode. "I said don't follow me, so why are you following me?"

Mo Yinan's mouth gapes open. There's fear in those dazzling dark eyes but mostly confusion. He's searching for something in Liu Lianyu's face but frowns when he can't find it. "But…I don't understand…What did I do wrong?"

Liu Lianyu sucks in a breath. It pricks at his lungs, cold and unwelcoming. There are still people milling about but they're far enough from the west exit that he just stands there and continues. "You did nothing wrong," Liu Lianyu confesses in a way that sounds more like an insult than anything else. He clicks his tongue, brows furrowing deeply. It's impossible to maintain eye contact. There's hatred in his heart and it's for himself.

Mo Yinan takes a step forward. "Then why…?"

Liu Lianyu takes a step backward. "What happened yesterday was a mistake." The words are tumbling out of his lips before they tangle in his throat and asphyxiate him.

The confusion morphs into panic but Mo Yinan still finds a way to respect Liu Lianyu's boundaries. He approaches but he doesn't touch. "I don't agree. Yu-gege… Liu Lianyu, you're overthinking this. I…don't expect us to…just…magically become lovers," he coughs, voice pitching at the word. "But we're…we're hyper-compatible so don't you think that counts for something? Am I not allowed to at least be your friend, then? Please?"

No. No, you can't. Liu Lianyu's internal voice is hot and needy. There's no part of him that wants to be friends with Mo Yinan and the realization barrels into him with the force of a semi. It makes his eyes tear.

"No!" he growls with a guttural sound, "We're not friends! I don't care if we're soulmates!" His voice is rising. Others might hear him. Liu Lianyu thinks he's going crazy. He slaps Mo Yinan's arm away even when the kid isn't even touching him. "I don't want us to be anything."

His breathing is in disarray, puffs of air fogging at his face, vision dizzy. He keeps his eyes down and Mo Yinan is silent aside from his breath, too.

When Liu Lianyu speaks again, his voice comes out small, trembling, "Nothing good will come out of this. This will not end in our happiness." He tries to blink the tears away but it's futile. Liu Lianyu lowers his head.

Mo Yinan doesn't approach this time. This time, his voice is steady, soft and piercing all at once, "Okay. Then… if you're happy with your life right now, I will stop bothering you."

There's a pause. The wind gusts. It's cold. Trees rustle.

Liu Lianyu takes a step back. He retreats. Mo Yinan doesn't follow.

He doesn't know when he gets home but he's already crying before he's at the door. His hands shake when he wrestles with the keys. They jingle obnoxiously at him and an ugly sob escapes his lips. He's heaving and crying, sobbing, bawling, face scrunched up hideously.

A stale, dumpster-like apartment welcomes his back and Liu Lianyu falls to the ground. He holds himself because there's no one else and cries like a child, lost.