3.18 OBSESSIVE LOVE: Folly

"When youth ebbs away, you will realize what folly our destiny is." The low, sultry voice pierces through Kyden's unconsciousness. Awareness returns slow, sluggish. 

He cannot open his eyes, his senses are dull and he feels…

How to put it?

Frankly, he feels like shit.

"Those are the words you told me three lifetimes ago," the voice continues. Ah, it's the professor. "And it's taken me three lifetimes to realize what true innocence is. Tell me, my love, did you always know? That one day, our destiny might bring us here."

Kyden's groggy. He thinks that he should be feeling alarmed, scared, but instead, he only feels tired. His eyes are impossible to peel open and he can hear footsteps that circle around him. He tries to flex his muscles but to no avail. Absently, he notes that he's lying down but his body isn't reacting to either thought or command.

The voice, Raziel's voice, floats above him. "Did you know? That we are soulmates."

What is Raziel talking about?

It takes all his strength to force his eyes to open. His head lays to the side and he peers at a metal trolley. There are tools on top and Kyden's mind is slow to register what they are but he's mesmerized by the metallic glint. 

It's cold, he thinks and his eyelids are terribly heavy. Kyden wants to close them, he wants to return to sleep. But when his sights are stolen by darkness there's a rude clapping sound and reality jostles. It takes him a moment to realize he's being slapped.

Even pulling his expression into a grimace feels difficult. His muscles are numb. When he peels open his eyes, he sees Raziel looming over him. That ash brown hair looks stringy with grease and hazel orbs dissect his soul. Kyden finds it hard to breathe.

"I know it's difficult with your memories so disjointed, but I won't allow you to forget about me so easily," Raziel says coldly. "You aren't allowed to leave me behind."

Kyden is hopelessly confused. He's dazed and believes that it's making him stupid. He can't seem to understand that Raziel's words are impossible, to begin with. A sloppy groan leaves his lips and Raziel wipes the drool off his face with the back of his hand. 

There's a terrible pain in his back. He's lying on a cold slab, some sort of table, maybe. When Kyden tries to move, he realizes that he can't budge an inch. Leather straps him in, prohibiting movement. But even though it's difficult, he forces the words past his slackened jaw. It comes out slurred, but it comes out nonetheless, "You're a demon."

"A rude assumption," Raziel points out, his hand glides over Kyden's neck, pressure against his throat. It's then that Kyden realizes that he's without a shirt. He's without pants either, only boxers give him any sense of dignity left. Goosebumps form over his flesh as he tries to swallow down the fear and rage bubbling in his gut.

Pain flits over his expression, along with soul-deep tragedy. What did a monster like this have to be sad about? "I am Raziel Ervenir as I have always been. These pathetic demons cannot hope to corrupt my soul.

"…" Kyden doesn't necessarily believe him. He's also too occupied with the realization that he's near-nudity to take note of Raziel's words. Dread is in his blood as he recalls the tools on the trolley. Kyden's brain begins to rouse and he's thinking about escape, only to recognize futility. Surrender doesn't feel like an option but in the face of hopelessness, he finds only despair. 

Raziel sighs, sorrowful and deep. He retracts his palm from Kyden's throat but even without physical contact, it's hard for Kyden to breathe. He hears Raziel take slow languid steps but he doesn't dare turn his vision to gaze at the professor. Raziel is by the trolley. He can tell by light jostling metallic sound and the panic wells in his heart. 

Breathe, Kyden. His mind churns desperately. 

It's hard to breathe. So he closes his eyes and attempts to meditate. Concentration is stolen by the melodic lull of Raziel's voice. "Are you aware of why demons corrode their host's consciousness? It is because the demon is the stronger entity, slowly devouring and overtaking the weaker mind.

"But you might wonder, how could this be? After all, a demon is merely a parasitic entity, who knows only how to copy the consciousness of its host. It, in essence, becomes the host with all of their thought patterns, memories, and knowledge. If anything, it should be equal to the host, rather than superior. 

"Perhaps, this might be because of spillover from the previous mind that the demon had infested prior to its current host, which thus gives the parasite a decided edge over its present contractor. But that doesn't explain the phenomenon of nymphs, newborn demons that are just yet inhabiting their very first human."

  In the corner of Kyden's sight, he sees Raziel pick up a saw. His mind goes blank, his heart still. 

Raziel takes a step closer. There's a tired smile on his lips, his brows are furrowed. "You see," he explains, "there is one part of a demon's consciousness that will always be stronger than that of a human being's. And that is its desire, particularly its desire to live, to merely exist."

He places the saw over Kyden's right bicep and the panic climbs straight up the priest's throat. Hyperventilation takes over and he cannot summon calm no matter how hard he tries. He doesn't even have the strength to scream. His voice, weak and pathetic, begs, "Stop. Stop it."

The saw hovers, jagged teeth scrape the surface of his skin and he breaks out in cold sweat. "Stop this!" But each time he heaves for air, more skin catches on the saw's edge, promising what the professor is capable of.

Raziel, cruel, holds the tool there. "Do you know why demons are incapable of devouring my consciousness?" his sad gaze twists into a forlorn smile, "It's because my love for you is greater than any demon's desire to exist. Is it not romantic?"

Kyden, terrified, is not charmed, "I-I said stop it! Don't!" He finally managed to wrestle strength back into his lungs and shouts, "Why would you do this if you love me, huh!? This is fucked up!" He scowls, spits and snarls like a wolf backed into a corner. 

"…" The professor turns quiet, his eyes darken and he presses down. The saw scrapes his flesh and Kyden bites down on his bottom lip to hold back a whimper, eyes screwing shut. He's trembling like a leaf, trying hard to resign and just pray, pray, pray that death might come to him swiftly.

But it doesn't.

The saw catches in his flesh but doesn't go far. There's a cutting pain in his arm, but Raziel stops and doesn't continue.

Time suspends and drags. Kyden blinks furiously when he realizes that the pressure on his arm has alleviated. He tries to peer upward at his captor. It's hard to see when his eyes are wet and Raziel's greasy ash brown locks fall over his eyes.

"I…" Raziel's voice loses its characteristic confidence, "I never wanted to hurt you, Kyden," he admits. 

Though it's hard to believe, there's something unmistakably sorrowful about the professor. Perhaps in the way that he slouched shoulders, or his pained eyes and tight frown. Perhaps it's his voice, who addresses Kyden but also sounds so awfully distant—

Kyden has no reason to sympathize with a monster.

Either way, though the professor isn't trustworthy, Kyden believes that he speaks genuinely, or at least with genuine madness.

He's still terrified, shaking, and drenched in cold sweat but Kyden is a fighter and struggles to cling onto his last vestige of cool and reason. His voice quakes and stutters, "Then d-don't. Don't— do it. Don't fucking— Don't hurt me."

"If I don't, you will leave me. You aren't allowed to leave me." Two purple orbs glow above him, haunted and without a sliver of sanity. 

Kyden wants nothing more than to flee, than to get away from this unfathomable monster. 

But he forcefully gathers his wits and chooses his words carefully, "I won't. I won't leave you. So please untie me. Until me, Raziel."

"…" Raziel stares at him, his eyes piercing through Kyden's soul. Slowly, ever so slowly, the saw is raised, the edge just barely bloody. It clatters on the trolley but Kyden doesn't let himself the luxury of relief, not let. 

Those long fingers circle around his neck, tightening for a moment before letting go and caressing the underside of Kyden's jaw. Raziel slowly but surely leans in. Their lips meet and Kyden's heart is racing, still terror-bound. 

He represses a grimace and parts his lips, allowing the slimy tongue to penetrate his mouth. 

He hates it. And he's scared. But Kyden kisses Raziel back anyway. He needs to, he has to, if he wants to survive. The hand on his jaw travels down his neck to his collarbone before trailing down to a nipple. 

Kyden jolts at the unfamiliar sensation of having the tender nub rubbed and pinched. He whimpers at first but then fakes a moan, even arching into the touch. The fingers continue to fondle him until they've had enough and begin to trail further south.

Kyden's heart is as cold as ice, but he moans like a wanton whore nonetheless.