Chapter 14: Painfully Numb.

😥 "Everyone gets tired of me at some point. They'll leave. They always do."

-Unknown 😥

⚠️ Warning: Please Proceed With Caution! This chapter may contain alot of Violence, Disturbing Details, and/or Mental Illnesses/Disorders! This chapter will contain Self-Harming!!!! Please Be Advised And Proceed With CAUTION!!!⚠️

Quick A/N: So, hi! It's me, the author, once again. So, this chapter may be upsetting to many of you who are reading this and I am truly sorry. I'm feeling kinda down and writing stories and things helps me out alot so yeah. This may not be the best chapter because, well, I'm still getting kinda used to writing out my feelings and things like that, (even though apparently I give really good emotional advice which just seems to come naturally to me.) But I hope all of you enjoy this chapter, well at least as much as you can. And remember if any of the Trigger Warnings above may end up Triggering you please don't read this chapter. Your safety and health is extremely more important than how many views I get on this or any of my books. I don't think you'll need to read this chapter to understand the next chapter or whatever.

I love all of you 💓💋! Stay safe! Stay healthy! Stay your unique and/or weirdly unique self! Enjoy!

💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

🙃" About Two Weeks Later "🙃

😰" Thursday Morning "😰

😶" 3:35 In The Morning "😶

✌" Max's POV "✌

Numbness. Pain. Loneliness. Worry. And my Painful Numbness.

That's all I can feel right now as I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. I am left alone to handle my thoughts. All the negativity. All the failed attempts to help people. How much of a failure I am.

It hurts. And I know that one things for sure. Nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY fucking cares. Nobody cares for how I feel. Nob

ody cares what struggles I'm going through. So, why would I bother even trying to tell anyone how I feel.

All I can think of is the past. What I've done in the past. What could happen in the future.

Worry and pain. Pain then numbness. That's all I can feel at the moment as I'm left alone with my thoughts.

Have ever felt like, you don't belong?

Have you ever felt as if, you're not good enough?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to escape the world, forever? Or maybe even just never wake up?

Have you ever felt like you can't think straight because you're drowning in a bottomless pit of darkness. Like you just jumped off a cliff's edge into eternal darkness and you just keep falling and falling, deeper and deeper, into the darkness. Drowning in it.

Yeah, that's how I feel. I can't go to sleep even though I'm exhausted. I haven't been able to go to sleep for the past three nights, tonight making the fourth night.

I just wanna punch something. Make the pain go somewhere else. And that's the reason why I start to sit up and then get outta my bed.

I walk into the bathroom and make sure to close and lock the door. I turn the light switch of the bathroom on after closing and locking the door carefully in hopes of not waking Scarlet up.

⚠️" Trigger Warnings: PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!! Mental Illnesses/Disorders maybe described disturbingly Scenes below!! Self Harming Scenes will also be contained below!! I will let you know when the Triggering Scenes are over!!! Again, PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!! "⚠️

I walk over to the mirror and look into it.

All I see is flaws. From my ugly green weird looking eyes to the freckles that cover my nose, my naturally colored rosy cheeks, and some even on my forehead. The rats nest of faded out hair dye turning into my natural hair color of an Auburn red color.

All I could see was how ugly I was. My pale-ish but lightly tanned skin that's covered with freckles. I take off my shirt and then look back in the mirror.

Even more flaws. I had curves in all the wrong places, my ribs kinda visible but not extremely visible. Scars littered my skin. Everywhere I looked I could see scars. I know I had scars on my back to for the simple fact that I used to get beat everywhere, and I used to get whipped with a belt or whatever was closest at that moment and time.

All I could do was silently cry. Remembering how I got each and every one of my scars. How my first kiss was taken away from me. How my virginity was taken from me. I could still feel their hands on me. I still feel disgusted. Not just disgusted at them but also disgusted with myself.

I should've tried harder to get away but I didn't. I didn't because I feared I'd get so much worse than what they had already done to me. What am I?

I'm flawed. I'm too flawed.

I'm ugly. Way too ugly.

I'm worthless. I'm so worthless that it's unimaginable.

I'm useless. Too useless to even be around.

In a way, I guess you could say, that I'm broken. I'm broken beyond what could be repaired.

I'm used. I'm just a used toy.

I'm shattered into 10 million peices that I've tried so hard to pick up but I'm too weak to be able to do so.

Why the hell can't I stop feeling like this? I just want all of it to go away. I just wanna truly be happy. Pfft. As if that could ever happen though, am I right?

I'd end up dead before that happened.

I look down at the sink and turn on the faucet. I have to do this. No, I need to do this. I think to myself as I look at my forearms which are almost completely filled with scarred over burn marks.

Some from cigarettes. Some from lighters. And some me just scratching continuously at my arms.

I look into the mirror once more and see how my eyes are now a bright light green color. The white in my eyes now visibly red. My rosy cheeks even more red and around my eyes are swollen. My face stained with tears as I put my arms under the water.

After a few moments I start scratching my left arm while it's still under the water.

After a while I look down at my arm to what most people would call Self-Harming but what I call art.

Beautifully, painful art. My arms like a canvas that I have painted.

⚠️" Trigger Warnings And Scenes Over "⚠️

I'm interrupted by a knock on the door and then Scarlet's voice.

"Hey, Max? Are you okay in there?", she asks her voice sounding as if she had just woken up.

I clear my throat and splash some water in my face and then turning the faucet off.

"Yeah. I'm fine.", I said picking my shirt up off the floor and putting it back on.

I look back into the one more time seeing that my eyes were still red and puffy but not so much to be noticed.

I walk over to the door and plaster on my award winning 'I'm fine' fake smile.

I unlock the door and then open it to see a half asleep looking Scarlet leaning against the door frame.

"Um.... Hey.", I said awkwardly and she nods slightly and goes into the bathroom as I walk back over to my bed. I lay back down looking at my phone to see what time it was.

It's only 5:30. What's Scarlet doing up already? I mentally ask myself not having the mental strength to actually ask out loud or even ask her.

All I wanted to do is sleep, but I didn't want to sleep at the same time in fear of nightmare-ish memories. I wanted to be left alone, but I didn't want to deal with my problems on my own although, I know I have to. I can't burden anyone with my problems and it's not like they'd honestly care what I'm going through anyways so, what's the point?

Just as I'm thinking that Scarlet comes outta the bathroom still looking extremely tired.

"Why must your phone go off at an ungodly hour like this?", she grumbles and I sigh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize my phone would go off, at all.", I tell her as she lays back down.

She rolls so she facing the wall and then quiet snores fill the room and I roll my eyes.

What a lovely morning it's been for me. I think to myself mentally as I resume to staring at the ceiling with my thoughts and me alone.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Another Quick A/N: So, hello ladies and gentlemen. I know that this chapter was pretty short but uh, I didn't wanna make it to extremely long. So, yeah. There may be quite a few of these chapters in this story but I promise, it's not gonna be a whole whopping ton.

Also, I've been thinking a bit. I think I'm gonna start asking simple questions at the end of every chapter just to get to know you guys slightly a bit better. You don't have to comment on it or whatever it's just gonna be there just incase you guys would like to. I'll also be having my answer to the question below it. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed for the most part! Love all of you💋💖💞!

Stay safe! Stay healthy! Stay your unique self and/or uniquely weird self!

Question: What's your favorite color(s)?

My Answer: My favorite colors are Black and Crimson Red