Ivar never knew how to explain even to himself the feelings he had when he went out of the Third Lab after the last day of his experiment.
In his heart, he had both grudge and happiness toward Catrina, who had convinced him to go through such a thing to be more powerful.
He didn't know how he could address those times at the Third Lab when he was suffering enough to think that he would surely die the next day. It was hard to address those days as preparation instead of torture.
For one whole month, he needed to go there every day and spend several hours at the laboratory. He quitted his job in order to keep at the lab for as much time as possible. Sometimes he couldn't eat throughout the day, nor go to the bathroom, nor sleep.
He would be there for two, three, or four days without closing his eyes and feeling a lot of pain, just getting the chance to sleep when he left the Third Lab.