What Now?

[Music Recommendation: "A New Day With Hope" by Peter B. Helland (instrumental only)-available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

After a week of almost sleepless nights, worried until when could I spend time with my dad, I was finally able to sleep peacefully that night. Thanks to that, I woke up the next day brimming with energy. I couldn't begin to describe how happy and thankful I was. Thankful for my second life, and thankful for the second life of my dad. He was supposed to die, but we managed to survive all thanks to a miracle. And since he didn't die, I guess the same would be for me. I wouldn't have to suffer anymore—giving up college for work and giving up the rest of my life trying to provide for our family.

My life this time… wouldn't be the same.

For sure, this time, I would be happy.

Looking forward to the bright future, I woke up early and went to school early once more. If I had a favorite time of the day, it would be morning—especially the peaceful dawn before the sunrise. In this generation, where the ideally peaceful night had become bustling, the only truly peaceful time was around dawn. Walking in our quiet village during such times, hearing the chirping birds along the way, and the gurgling sound of water in the brooks, my mind and heart couldn't help but be calm and feel so alive. It was as if it's telling me that today was true and not just a fragment of my imagination. It confirmed to me that everything was not a dream like I still doubted a bit sometimes.

As I looked past my classroom's window, towards the sun that had already painted the sky with its gradient yellow, I started thinking… from now on, how should I live? Yes, I wanted to be happy as I told myself many times over, but… how?

In my past life, I learned that people in general had different definitions of happiness. Some said it was through success like earning lots of wealth, buying all the things you wanted—house, car, gadget, etc; or through fame—gaining lots of followers, being popular like celebrities, idols, and others; or it could also be in relationships—being with your fated partner in life, or just simply being content with friendly or familial relationships; and last but not the least was following your dreams or passion—being a dancer, musician, artist, or anything you aspired to be. Given all those facts, I wondered… what was happiness for me?

Unfortunately, I had no idea. Like most teenagers nowadays, or even adults actually, I wasn't sure what I truly wanted in my life.

Coincidentally, as if I foresaw the future, the topic for the entire day had been about college entrance exams—which school we wanted to go to, and what course we wanted to take. Sir Greg discussed the importance of dreams and jobs to us since he was our class adviser. Everything he said was on point, and it made me think hard on which path to take for my future. Having a hard time to decide, I talked about it with Hora and Ken during lunch. Luckily for the two of them, they already had a dream in mind. Hora wanted to pursue films and be a film editor while Ken wanted to inherit their business so he'd be taking business management, adding a few units about technology. They told me to think it over and I should be able to decide in time—which wasn't very helpful for my case.

Hoping to get better advice, I turned to mom and dad, after the classes were over.

"Why not take nursing or be a doctor? Or even a lawyer," mom said. "You're very smart, Senara, so being a doctor or lawyer shouldn't be a problem for you."

"I'm disgusted whenever I see blood, so being a nurse or doctor, or anything to do with seeing blood is 100% not for me," I replied with disgust written all over my face. "As for being a lawyer… hmm…," I tried to think it over but, "Nope. There are thousands of laws and I'm not that motivated enough or dedicated enough to spend time memorizing them or even studying them."

"How about taking business management?" dad advised. "That way, you can take over our restaurants in the future."

I had always loved our restaurants and personally, I didn't mind spending much of my time there. I could literally spend the entire day just sitting there, reading books, with snacks, desserts, and coffee on my table. However, managing a business was an entirely different matter. I'm not sure if I could see myself being one in the future.

With my parents being unable to guide me towards a plausible decision, my last hope for an answer laid upon my first online friend, Kai, the Grim Reaper. I told him everything about it on a call while we were boss hunting.

"So, what do you say? Any brilliant advice for me?" I asked him.

And there was silence. I noticed that whenever I asked him something, he would pause for a couple of seconds before answering me. I got used to it already.

"Hm… I think instead of asking other people, ask yourself more."

"But that's the problem—I don't know what I want."

"Of course you do, you just haven't realized it."

I was taken aback. "What? I really don't know though."

"For instance, what is it that you enjoy doing to the point that you don't mind if you spend the rest of your life doing just that?"

I tried to think hard, but nothing came to mind except…

"... Reading? I enjoy reading books, especially fantasy ones," I answered, despite my personal disbelief with anything related to magic, I still loved reading about them. "But there's no such jobs related to reading books except bookkeeping? Or being a librarian? I still don't like either, though."

"Why do you like reading?"

I wasn't so sure why he's asking me that, but I answered him.

"Because… it's like I'm travelling to a new world or new place whenever I read. Sometimes, I get to become another person—a wizard, vampire, pirates, or sometimes, still a human but with special abilities. And most of all, the journey that they experience as the story goes… it's all so amazing. Whenever I read… I feel like my boring world turns a little exciting."

As I answered him, my tone became mellow and softer. I began to remember the real reason I loved reading even back on my old life. Because like in Armageddon, it allowed me to escape...