distance that I made (Hyo Joo POV)
I see outside trough my dorm window. so quiet, others might still on vacation. school will starts in a month, it's a long time ahead. after my medications and treatments in LA I think I get better. sometimes I try to walk around campus, there's student who did club activities or other stuff. as I walked my fear of crowds getting better and better. sometimes I'll stand in front my mirror starts practicing my speech, is till trouble sleep at night cause my fear if stranger come inside my dorm room still haunting me. slow but sure I try to face my fear. until yesterday when I decided to take my first step to go out from my sanctuary.
I made plan to get part time jobs again. first thing come to my kind is the restaurant I've been working for before the incident.
I tie my hair in ponytail style, I put my shirt and long jeans and put some jacket. still cold outside.
I'm walking to the restaurant and I stand in front of restaurant door for a while, I see many people there. they talking and laughing, so much noise, sound of grilles meat, soju glass that been cheers, sound of fan and others.
I'm standing there for more than a minute until I see someone I know, someone that I didn't expect to meet here. someone that will be the last person I want to meet.
he walks with his trembling leg, looks like he's drunk. as soon as he get closer with me he hugging me.
Bom came and try to peel him from me. even we already broke up but Hyun Jae still someone special for me. so I said to Bom its okay and bring him out first.
we put him in the bench, his face is red and his eyes looks but swallow, he looks thinner than before. are you hurt like me too? that question pop in my head.
" look it's fireworks "
he's smiling happily
at that time I think I need to make everything straight for both of us so no hatred or regrets after all. like we can say hi to each other at the future.
the next day he wake up and so surprised finding me in his apartment. after that we eat and I want to clean our plates and bowl but he said not you do it. at some point his voice stab my heart so I retreat to say what I want to say earlier.
I grab my jacket and bag and walking out but he grab my hand. he said he wants us to get back together again. as much as I want to but my ego not let me to do what I supposedly do. feel like I want you hurt him too in some different way.
I walking out from his apartment and enter the lift. I don't see him chasing for me and weirdly I feel disappointed.
decision that I've made the distance that I created is hit me now. but I think it's the better way for now. deep inside my heart is torn apart, I really want to run and hug him again say that everything that happened is okay and say that we can back together again. but at this rate I think I can't handle it, his hug his presence just remind me of that bastard who touch me.
--
finally I'm back here I stand in front of conveniences store when I used to work.
"Hyo Joo?" someone called my name
"it's really you, oh my god" Jina said
she run and hugs me
"why you leave so suddenly and not even say goodbye to me?" she asked
"I'm sorry but it's urgent matter " I pat her back
she break our hugs and hold my hands
"are you okay?" she asked
questions that makes me tired to answer
"ng..." I said
"oh than God. but what you doing here? ah... you just back from your boyfriend house. he looks unhealthy lately, it's good if you get back now. he will getting better if you here" Jina talking non stop
"are you still working here?" I asked
"yes, If I don't work I can't pay my tuition you know my family can't support me any money. also I can't quit cause conveniences store lady allows me to stay here . my parents, they already said if I want to go to college university I need to figure out how to manage it by myself"
I just smiling, I know Jina for one year already. her parents is faraway ,they are a farmer. Jina have 2 older brothers and 1 younger sisters. their family nit have enough money to send her to university or college. but Jina said she will attend and will manage the tuition. she apply for scholarships at first but she failed. she will try this semester again, I wish she can get it. Jina have 3 part time jobs, at conveniences store, Cafe and pet shop. she also have full time job at library every weekend. she really work her butt of. since she really well organized and clever the conveniences store lady allows her to stay at second floor of the store. it's small but enough for her.
"then where you come from?" I asked
"ah professor Bae ask for my help with the paper. she gave me extra credit and money " she makes money gesture with her fingers.
"what about you? what you doing here? are you want to buy something?" she asked
"honestly I want to ask if there's available spot for me to work again" I said
"ah, really?" she jump happily
"actually I just want to post hiring messages today" she said
I just shocks a little is this a coincidence fate or what.
"you know unnie that works at weekends? she will moves out of the town tomorrow. today she still working, you can replace her spot. convi store lady will also happy to hire you as she know you were good at this"
I just nodded
"let's go inside I'll call her" she pulls my hand
"ommo, Hyo joo" the unnie (older sister) surprise
she wave her hands behind cashier desk
"wah, look at her, she getting beautiful " she said
"unnie, she will works again here" Jina said
"really, that's good. I owe so many to convi lady that I just worry she won't get a good worker after I left. but Hyo Joo I 100% trust " she give me thumbs up.
"ah so happy to see you again Hyo Joo, but I'll move out from this city. my father's health getting worse so I need to help my mom at my hometown"
everyone have their own struggles, we don't have any choice than face it. no matter how small or big, the struggles we face thought us to become a better and stronger person. Jina and the Unnie have their own problems but they keep fighting for it with smile and positive energy. that's what I want to do.
---
at restaurants
"Hyo joo!!!" the owner lady run to me and pat my back while other hand pat my shoulder.
"sit here, we still not open yet" she said and asked me to sit at the chair
"it's been a while" she said
"are you okay?" she asked
again, the question is pop again like never ending.
"yes" I said
"I saw everything on the news, how can our Hyo Joo be so wretched. that man I want to kill him for did that thing to our Hyo joo" restaurant lady speak fiercely
"ah I'm sorry for blabbering to much. what makes you came here?" she asked
"I just want to ask if you need to hire a worker " I said
"you want to work here again?" she asked
"yes" I said
"but I saw that you are a daughter of big company CEO, why you need to work again?"
what she said is true, before the incident no one knew who I am
"I just want to work" I said
"we actually want a good helper like you but your father came here before and asked us to fired you and promised won't allows you to work here again. your father really loves you. he said he was sorry for not take care of you well and bow to us and thank us for take care of you"
I walking in the street, restaurant lady words playing in my head. is my dad did that because he loves me or because he doesn't want to humiliated by the fact that his daughter work in restaurant.
I'm to busy with my thoughts that I don't see around me. I bumps to someone.
"I'm sorry " I said while my head down
"oh, Hyo Joo-ssi" a familiar voice
I look up it's Hong Joo, boy that I meet at the plane in the way to Korea.
"Hong Joo?" I said
"yes its me, wah... it's been a while never think will meet you here" he said with cheerful voice
"I just walk around" I said
"are you okay?" he asked
that question again, I'm sick of that question
"nothing" I said
"then why you crying?" he said
I look at him, and yes I'm crying
he pull me to street bench
"wait here a minute " he said
he leave me alone. Hong Joo go to buy some drink from vending machine. he stand in distance ,wait me to calm myself.
across the street another boy stand and look at me from a far. Hyun Jae stand there just looking at me who is crying alone.
the distance I made, I never know will be this pain not only for me but for others too.
"Hyo Joo? are you okay?" someone voice heard
that question again
"why everyone asked me if I'm okay? no I'm not okay, I feel so awful, I'm in pain I'm sad, I'm frustrated, devastated " I said
then she hugs me
"then why you didn't come to me? and makes me feel so bad as your best friend?" Nana said
Nana saw me from a afar and she's the only one who can break the distance I made.
I hug her and crying out loud. she pat my back and saying no words.
she just sitting and hugs me.