Hye-Ri's Sugar

How do you express that thing that you want to express? The emotions that you want to show?

How do I talk to the person I want to express it with?

"Hye-Ri," Yoon-gi called beside me. We're sharing coffee in the middle of the Han river looking at Korea's night sky.

"Sorry," I shook my head. "I was lost in thought."

"You haven't said a single word since we left the building. What's happening?"

I sipped on my coffee again, "I just don't have the words to speak. I'm embarrassed."

Suga laughed, "you're embarrassed because of what happened that night?"

"I meant what I said. I don't want to cause you or any of you trouble. I'm good like this." I gestured the distance between us. I sat as far as the chair could give, while he also sat casually on the other end.

Suga clicked his tongue, "I'm not forcing you into anything... am I?"

I scoffed, "no, you're not forcing me into anything..."

"Then what's this about?" He leaned closer, almost closing the distance. I looked away, taking deep breathes so I could control my beating heart.

"You're the only person who stuck beside me even when I don't want you around. You come at the right time at the right place and it's clouding my feelings. I want us to just be friends."

He cleared his throat and scoot back to the end of the chair. "I'm not courting you, shorty. Don't get your hopes up for something. I just want you around because you're another person who's sane enough to talk to." He sipped on his coffee after speaking, looking away from me.

His words stung but why am I affected? I should be happy because it's what I wanted in the first place. Why do his words feel like I got dumped?

"Plus, if we get married a million times I'd divorce you a million times over." The side remark made me smack his shoulder.

"You're so mean!" I told him, sulking.

"You're the mean one here! Smacking my shoulder like your hands don't weigh a ton, what if you dislocate my shoulder?"

I rolled my eyes at him mumbling: "a man-made marshmallow."

"Get a hold of yourself, shorty. When I go to Hong Kong you'll be missing me like crazy." He said rubbing his shoulder.

"In your dreams, I got used to your absence after a month of not talking to me."

Yoon-gi laughed, "it's because you said I should stay away. What is it with women saying what they want and when we, men, do it you get upset?"

I didn't bother to retort and got up to throw my coffee cup in the garbage bin. "Want to drink?" I asked.

"I got practice tomorrow, but if you're buying I might go-- and don't throw up in my car." He glared at me.

"Yeah, sure sure. We're drinking beer so I won't puke in your car again, and if ever I did I'll clean it. I want some sotteok-sotteok and fish cakes."

"You read my mind, I might as well consider marrying you again for a million and 1."

"Might as well be saying I'll be wearing pink." I made a face before we started walking towards his car. I got to look away from his sudden comment because I could feel my face red. The night breeze brushing my cheeks helped me calm down before I got up to him. I thought about our little chit chat and I realized it was nice to talk to him again after so long, and it was also nice to see him again.

"When you go to Hong Kong, buy me a ref magnet."

"A what?" He laughed.

The sound of his laughter was so nice to hear, like a melody just a little out of tune, but perfect for my ears. I found the shaking of his shoulders adorable to look at, making me feel like I want to make him laugh the rest of his life.

"I said buy me a ref magnet."

"Okay, then what is it for me in return?" He asked, opening the door for me.

I thought about it as I climbed in the passenger seat, "in return? you get to see me when I take my magnet." I told him as a matter of fact

He shook his head again, I could see him smiling in amusement as I watched him walk towards the other side. I honked the horn when he was in the middle, making him jump and scream at the same time while I died laughing.

***

After the performance, they did for MAMA and winning the daesang award. Suga immediately called Hye-Ri as soon as he arrived in his hotel room.

"Hey! I can't believe it! You won! Congratulations!" She greeted, her voice broke and hoarse.

"Did you cry shorty?"

Hye-Ri scoffed in the other line, "you cried first on national T.V!"

"Which is something I don't want to talk to, again."

"Why? Were you teased by the other members?" Hye-Ri giggled.

The sound of her laughter from the phone made Suga want to hear it in person. It felt like chimes on a calm day on a view like the time they first dined to a beautiful place he spent time searching.

"I got your ref magnet." He said, simply changing the topic.

"And who did you ask to buy it?" I asked, this was meant as a joke but his response shut me.

"I went outside to buy it, for your information."

I was out of words, why would he risk going out to buy one when he could just ask anyone to buy it for him. It's only a ref magnet anyway?

"A simple thank you is enough." He teased.

"Why don't we continue tomorrow so you can get some rest?" I asked, biting my finger.

The other line went silent, a good long pause has passed before he spoke again. "Yeah, you're right." and then hung up.

I didn't know how minutes have passed since the other line went dead, but it felt like a piece of me just...

What is this feeling anyway? I feel like I did something bad.

I scrolled through my contacts and found Selena's number and pressed the call button. "Hello." She answered on the first ring.

"Hello Selena, are you still up?"

"I just got off the phone with Jin, what's up?"

I hesitated at first, however, I wouldn't know what kind of emotion I am dealing with right now and I think Selena's advice would be really helpful. I told her everything and spared no little detail of what just happened.

"Aww, poor Yoon-gi." Selena sighed. "I think the man likes you and you just straight up reject him everytime he can grab an opportunity."

I felt my eyebrows connect in confusion, "what? He's just only teasing me."

"Hye-Ri, I saw the look he gave you when we were at their practice routine. Plus you may have been the first person he called after winning their first Daesang award. Then he personally went out to buy your ref magnet. Don't you think that doesn't ring any bell?"

I shook my head, "No, we made it clear that we're just friends."

"Think before you say anything that you will regret, Hye-Ri. Ooh! Sorry, Jin's calling again. Goodnight Hye-Ri." After that, she hung up.

and after having a lot of thought about it, I do owe Yoon-gi an apology... He's been very patient with me... and all I did is... turn a blind eye to everything he does.

***

Suga arrived in one peace in Korea, he didn't talk much the whole trip and felt tired that he wanted to sleep as soon as he can come home to his apartment.

He climbed in the van with Jimin and Jin. He sat on the single chair behind the driver near the window. The two were already on their phones talking to their girlfriends where Suga was left in his playlist. He leaned back to his chair and closed his eyes.

"Hyung." Jimin tapped his shoulder.

"I'm tired, Jimin." He mumbled.

"But you would want to see this Hyung."

Suga opened his eyes and turned to Jimin, "What is it?"

Jimin smiled and pointed at the window beside him, and Suga followed.

From the window, was the familiar bike he had once ridden, but there was something different. The rider of the bike wore a pink sweatshirt, matched with fitted black pants and her black helmet. The thing is, the person who rides the bike doesn't even like the color pink.

When the traffic signal went red, Hye-Ri took out something from her pocket and unfolded the piece of paper.

It wrote: "Welcome home, Hye-Ri's Sugar."