Three Months In

"Go make yourself useful!"

Three months since the wedding, and he had become a different person. The papers were signed and I couldn't leave. I vowed from five years old on that if I ever married, I would never divorce.

But this man was tempting me.

I left the room, knowing it wasn't worth the fight since I could smell the alcohol. He had a friend over again, too, which never helped the situation. I didn't like to make a scene, so fighting back was out of the question. Even if I did argue, he'd win. I would be in the wrong, I always was. By this point I had begun to resent him. I took our two year old and went to the bedroom to get laundry together.

I had just walked in the door from an eleven hour shift, but he didn't care. I had responsibilities that included acting like his mother.

I called my best friend, Talon, yet again, to tell him how much I hated my life. The bedroom door was closed, Jay was playing with his cars, and I was hiding in the closet crying so he couldn't see or hear me. Why did this happen? Why is he so different now? Nobody cared though, because he wasn't hitting me or hurting me physically, I just had to suck it up and "just talk to him".

Nobody cared.

Except my best friend, of course. Talon encouraged me to leave. Even offered for me to stay with him until I found a different place. Offered to help me get the money together to move out and have a security deposit.

But I always insisted it would get better.

"We just need better communication."

"He's been drinking, he probably didn't mean it."

"He probably meant it as a joke. I'm too sensitive."

I made excuse after excuse for his behavior.

Three months. And forever to go.

I thought back to six months prior and smiled. I was so happy. He worked too much and was gone a lot, but weekends were always for the racecar which was the best relief. I sat on the phone listening to Talon go on about his first divorce, even though he had told me about it probably a hundred times already. I was so lost now, I barely even recognized myself most days. But I had Jay. Jay, Talon, and Brit were my only reasons to stay.

I zoned out Talon and listened to Jay playing with his cars. He was such a happy boy.

He better not grow up to be like his dad.